brain ded

I am so low I can feel it in my brain.

It is slowed down, feels like there is no stimuli in there.

I have no goals. Zero motivation.

At 27, I have pretty much given up on life.

The only time I feel alive is for about 20 minutes when I force myself to get out of bed and enjoy some coffee.

I miss feeling Alive.

It feels like my mind has escaped me, it is floating somewhere in space.

I am a shell of my former self.

To my family I am well. Because I am not manic, therefore I am well.

I feel pathetic. Wasted talent.

I miss the friends I once had.
The love I once shared.

Its all gone, and the worst part is I did this to myself.

Where are the millions of Americans that lead a fulfilling successful life with mental illness? I don't see them I dont know any of them.

It's never too late to reinvent yourself. I did it at 68.
After three long years in a black hole motherflower depression.
I was very stupid believing the internet and bipolars can't take ADs.
Paxil. Long live the old bastard. I'm back to being my hyper self.

I feel almost 100% the same as you.

I relish both my coffee making (usually with a Chemex system) and my coffee drinking.

Everything else sucks.

I drove away my final friends and lovers some months ago. I felt a need to confess to an “affair” nearly thirty-years-ago. Stupid, stupid me.

I think (alone, completely alone, now, I think) that holding on to friends and lovers is as successful as we can be. Sometimes, even in the throes of melancholy, I remember loving and being loved. I remember having and being friends. Yes, I feel these things in my brain.

I am alone. I’m in my bed for 23 ½ hours a day. You may not understand this now, but, at least you’re young. You’ve time to attempt change. That’s something to hold, something that can be shaped.

You’re not beyond redemption.

I'm sorry you are struggling with so much despair. Honestly I don't have any words of wisdom for you. However here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" article, from PsychCentral's archives, where therapist Dr. Kristina Randall, Ph.D., LCSW, replies to a question from a person who had struggled with severe depression for 30 years. Perhaps something in Dr. Randall's reply can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...-for-30-years/

My best wishes to you...

Christopher1990,

I just want you to know you are not completely alone in how you feel. There are no easy answers. I've found most antidepressants either useless or harmful but have had a bit of luck with Wellbutrin in particular with the feeling that my brain is dead. On the other hand, medications can also contribute to that feeling. Are you on any meds?

Zyprexa remeron and tegratol. I've tried everything meds seem to keep the mania away but have never done much for depression.

I'm hopeful and believe some of its situational. Things will change they always do. Time heals.

Its just like my faith has vanished and I feel nothing.

Christopher, there is hope.
I promise you that.
Keep going.

Bipolar cycles it always does, only thing the byytch is consistent about.

Meanwhile when life is a disaster just float , stop trying to swim up stream and give your self a break. Something that I am forcing myself to do right now. Just float