[Movingon69]

I'm coming up on almost a month of dx. I'm slowly increasing my Lamictal. There are some things that are very scary for me.

1) How do I know who I really am? I mean if swinging between mania and depression is not me stable how do I know who I really am?

2) There are things I love about mania. I get so much stuff done. People would always say, "how do you get so much done?" and I was on fire on work. My mania actually helped me in my profession which is probably one reason it took so long to diagnose. While my relationship with my husband and kids suffered I could always look at my professional success and hear the praise of others and think it was them not me. I wish I could have the mania without the stupid decisions.

Thanks in advance. I appreciate the experience here.

[GoldenSnitch]

Ive had my diagnosis for about 2.5 years and I still have struggles with your first question. It’s hard to know what is real with this disorder.

I’m sorry you find yourself here but welcome

[Nola0250]

I was where you are 5 months ago. I’m starting to figure out what is me, and what is disease, what is medication. It’s becoming clearer with time. You will figure it out!

I for one cannot have the energy of mania without the down side. Not worth it!

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I was where you are 5 months ago. I’m starting to figure out what is me, and what is disease, what is medication. It’s becoming clearer with time. You will figure it out!

I for one cannot have the energy of mania without the down side. Not worth it!

The stupid decisions I make during mania make it not worth for me either. I guess I’m just mourning the loss of what I thought was a great part of being me

[Blueberrybook]

I still struggle with it. I've been in the mental health system for over 20 years, over 10 of them mis-diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I still wonder who I am versus who I am on the meds.

[scatterbrained04]

I've been diagnosed 6 or 7 years and still haven't really figured out who I am. It's pretty difficult between the meds and the changing moods. The episodes kind of change me as a person too. Wish I had an actual answer for you.

I hear what you say about mania. My hypomanic episodes have certainly helped me professionally as well.

[Nola0250]

Really, how does any “normal” person know exactly who they are either? We’re all constantly changing due to our experiences and decisions. Choose who you want to be and then be that, til you decide on something else you like better -?!

[UpDownAround]

I have been fairly stable for about a year. I have lost 65 pounds since last summer, become a lot more active and feel like I am a different person than the heavier moody person I have been most of my adult life. I had happy puppy hypomania and I did enjoy it, but it was much less frequent than the depression and when I was up I was kind of a jerk to other people. But I still feel like something is not quite right; like a nice picture that is fuzzy around the edges. I still have some brain fog. I just had my lamictal bumped for 100 to 150 when I slid into a funk for a while.

[*Laurie*]

I was diagnosed in 1993 and I know I am all of my moods. There is no one "me", they're all parts of me.

There are many aspects of mania that I absolutely love. My creative output is tremendous. Unfortunately, so is my rage.