[bluemountains]

Hi Everyone,
It's been awhile since I've posted, but I hope you can help me with this. According to my pdoc I am doing great. My meds are fine. I am beginning to tell my t another story, but that's not my big problem. My problem is that I am so out of the normal range that I can't find any friends that I am comfortable with. I have one work friend who puts up with me, and I have a couple of social friends who I have lunch a with few times a year, but these are just friends who are able to laugh at my off comments.
I need some thoughts about finding people who can really understand me outside of a therapy group. Even my family sometimes gets frustrated by my view of the world, so I would just like to have people to talk to and laugh with. I have no idea how to make real friendships.
Thanks for any ideas.
Bluemountains

[Merlin]

I'm not sure whether or not my acquaintances will develop into friendships, but I'm meeting new people through meet-up groups. I think you have to do things with people who share interests with you and see what develops. At least I hope that's how it.

[bizi]

I would start by working on the friends that you do have. Contact one of them and see if you can get together for lunch. just one on one.
Test the waters.
Tell her that you would like to get to know her better, then listen.
You already have some history with these friends try to deepen the relationship.
Does this make sense?
bizi

[SorryShaped]

Don't start any acquaintanceship with expectations. You have to see where life takes you, organically. Be you, even if it makes you uncomfortable

[bluemountains]

I have looked up the meet up groups. I have been nervous to try them. I guess I will have to go out of my comfort zone when I find a good one. So far, the ones I have looked up are so large that I think I might get lost within the group. I'll keep an eye on these.
Thanks for the replies. I am going to have to go outside of work. There aren't options there and unfortunately that's where I spend most of my time.
I'll continue to talk to the dog
Bluemountains

[Nola0250]

If it helps, I have the same problem. I'm really not good with meeting new people particularly in groups but won't meet anyone if I don't. It's an uncomfortable situation but I do think we need to get out of our comfort zones to do it. It's just that in order to do that, you need to feel pretty stable. Not sure I feel good enough yet even though I need some more friends.

[pirilin]

I can make acquaintances in a millisecond.
Friends, I can count with my left hand fingers. And there's still space for more.
You know who is your friend when you are in jail or in the hospital.
Better not to test your acquaintances.

[tecomsin]

I also feel my life is so outside of the norm that it is difficult to find compatible people to be friends with. That is one reason I spend time on anonymous forums. I had tried going to meetups for years but never made a lasting friendship although there were a number of starts that just didn't work out because we were not that compatible.

I feel that I don't have a sense of community except for the online forums I participate in. If I were a religious person then I could find a house of worship that offered community. If I were sporty I could join a slo pitch softball league or play soccer in a club. My main problem at the moment is that I have lost interest in most activities. I agree with the other posters to focus on activities and meeting people through shared enjoyment of what you are already doing without expectations of what it might lead to.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by pirilin

You know who is your friend when you are in jail or in the hospital.

Amen. I have one good friend who has taken me to both the medical hospital and the psych hospital many times and sat with me the whole time I was there.

[bizi]

I am getting ready to go out side my comfort zone and go out of town to meet some new women for socializing and I am supposed to bring something to make soup with for dinner. I am bringing a box/quart of butternut squash soup, and some celery.

bizi

[bluemountains]

I would really like to find the one true friend like Moose has, but like it has been said, being outside of the norm makes it tough.
I think I knew the answer when I posted. I was just feeling down because I can usually live with the idea that I have no real friends, but it's tough when my family doesn't understand me either. It would be nice to have someone to call on the phone occasionally. I do find a kinship in reading the posts, and occasionally needing to say something, like now.
Personally I haven't found a place of worship or a golf league to be great bonding places for longterm friends, just for what is going on at the time. But again, I have an odd personality. Either I make people uncomfortable or I am uncomfortable, I don't know which. I think the mood swings are taking their toll because it hasn't always been this way.

[bizi]

If you want to chat let me know, I am online for a while.

[bizi]

Do you know why you feel uncomfortable?
bizi

[UpDownAround]

I have an easy time meeting people and having light conversation when I am stable but I really don't have a close friend I see or talk to often. I have been meeting a lot more people recently since I started SUP paddling. There are big get togethers that welcome all to come out and paddle and they are generally pretty social events. So I agree about meetups and FB groups for interests you have, especially if they are activities. There is also a meetup I belong to for over 50 hikers that has weekly light hikes in the area.

[*Laurie*]

A support group for others who are living with mental illness can be a great place to make friends with whom you can really be yourself.

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by bizi

Do you know why you feel uncomfortable?
bizi

Hi bizi, For the past couple of years my moods have been very unstable. I have ended up in IP and in a day program, both requiring time away from work. I find that I am very guarded, even when things are good. I work with the same people who have seen some erratic behavior from me although no one officially knows what happened. All communications went through human resources, which is not in our building.
I don't think people consider me "friend" material, although, as I said before, I do have one pretty close friend, and a few others who are kind enough. There are times that conversations go on around me and I am completely ignored. It is very frustrating. I continue on as if it does not happen. I don't try to figure out why.

[Sunflower123]

I’m also working on stepping outside my comfort zone to make friends (I’m very shy). Best wishes on building new friendships or further developing the old ones.

[GoldenSnitch]

My therapist and I talk about this regularly as I don’t really have any friends. Some of her suggestions have been to work on the acquaintances I do have and put some effort into this relationships if I think there is a possibility of a deeper connection. She’s also suggested things like book club at the local library, going to yoga class, things like that that I’m interested in. Good luck! I know it’s hard to be comfortable with people.

[imaginethat]

I feel the same way -- no motivation to do anything. I think I want to an event, but when it comes time to do it, I don't feel like it. A friend says once you make a decision that you want to do it, don't let yourself change your mind. I'm going to try that.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I also feel my life is so outside of the norm that it is difficult to find compatible people to be friends with. That is one reason I spend time on anonymous forums. I had tried going to meetups for years but never made a lasting friendship although there were a number of starts that just didn't work out because we were not that compatible.

I feel that I don't have a sense of community except for the online forums I participate in. If I were a religious person then I could find a house of worship that offered community. If I were sporty I could join a slo pitch softball league or play soccer in a club. My main problem at the moment is that I have lost interest in most activities. I agree with the other posters to focus on activities and meeting people through shared enjoyment of what you are already doing without expectations of what it might lead to.

[liveforsummer]

I have 3 (real life) friends (Not counting family). I go through spells where I don’t see them for months but once we do connect it’s ok and I enjoy their company. I think if I lost them now I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to find new ones. I met one from high school, one from our kids playing together as kids and one through our kids being on the same sports teams.