[sgpg_]

Hey, I'm kind of new here, I've been using psychcentral's mood tracker for about an year, but I don't come to this section. I've been seeing my neurologist because I have epilepsy. I have always had periods of apathy and emptiness, no will to live. At the same time, I have had times where I would become hyperactive, sleeping only 3 hours, planning lots of things, talking too much, all this with either a great disposition or very irritated and hostile when people would try to get in my way. I never lost conscience of what I was doing. When I started my epilepsy medication (Keppra), these things, specially the depressive ones, became more intense. Then, after 6 months, all the intensity reduced again. I told this to my neurologist and he gave me 25mg of Zoloft, said it was something to do with some mood problems.
I'm now 20, first year of college. These last 3 weeks I've been drinking everyday, arriving home drunk or not even making it home; I lost 100€ and I still don't know how, and I spent all my money on beer, cigarettes and what else that I have no clue. I spent 2 days in a row drunk, didn't sleep not even an hour, I remember. I have a girlfriend for 3 years and a half, and I cheated on her - I kept hanging around with this girl from college, I even ended up spending the night at hers. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't feel self-aware. Not even now, I am. I went out last night and arrived at 7am - this girl was with me, but left with a guy and I felt like crap the whole night. Now it's almost 8pm and I spent the whole day crying alone at home, punching walls - panic. I feel so depressed that I just can't deal with this anymore, I crave to die, to hurt myself til I'm unconscious.

I've always been responsible, I called a 24 health line, they asked me all the symptoms and they said I must go to the hospital, but I don't want to because I have no one to go with me, and I'm probably going to be there the whole night, also I quit taking Zoloft when I started feeling great because I felt super great and I didn't needed it anymore.

I think this chick triggered me this depression. I don't what's wrong with me, if this bipolar or some other disease but I just really need someone to help me and motivate me to take care of myself.

By the way, I'm not from the usa

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you're experiencing so much distress. Of course, as you probably realize, we here on PC cannot diagnose you. That is a job for a mental health professional. From what you wrote, it does sound as though Bipolar Disorder may be a possibility. But that's just a guess. I obviously don't know.

You mentioned you had called a 24 hour health line & they told you to go to a hospital. I, of course, don't know how things work where you live. Going to a hospital emergency room is certainly one option especially if you're struggling with suicidal thoughts. However another option would be to get in to see a mental health therapist, or a psychologist, & / or a psychiatrist if you can. The thing is, depending on what's going on with you in terms of your mental health, it may not be something that's going to go away by itself. It's going to require ongoing professional care... at least for a while. So please seek out some mental health services for yourself in whatever way that is done where you live.

Here are links to some BP-related articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest including a link to a Bipolar quiz you can take:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/day-to...sts_position=0

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-smal...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bi...olar-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/living-...olar-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/bipolar-quiz/

[Movingon69]

Your story parallels mine and I was diagnosed about a month ago. I never imagined BP. You do need to see someone. Since you expressed your money in pounds it’s hard to know what country you are in and what heath care system you are under. If an appointment will take a long time go to the hospital. If you are seriously considering suicide go to the hospital. But definitely get see. By someone with experience in mental health.

[Blueberrybook]

You need to see a professional, I agree. If you are suicidal, definitely go to the ER. IDK, I was able to get in quickly to see a psychiatrist by reporting not sleeping several days and taking lots of psych meds (prescribed by my university health system) at once, not to kill myself, but in order to fall asleep. But, I'm in the U.S. At the time, I had no medical insurance, and there is a low-cost/free system in certain counties of Texas (not the best system out there, but something), that I could go to versus the ER. It worked much better in Brazos county than Harris County when I moved to Houston. At least, it was something and they did get me into a crisis center in Bryan, TX that was decent but the psych hospital in Houston was a nightmare. Still, it was something. They gave me a diagnosis, some parts right, some parts not (diagnosed with major depression instead of bipolar but they correctly diagnosed panic disorder, eating disorder-that one was obvious tho by my weight at the time, PTSD). Once I got decent insurance, I got on a psych waiting list with a highly rated pdoc (I was pregnant so the OB limited psych meds during my pregnancy and it was OK to be on a waiting list because of the pregnancy).

Anyway, you do what you've got to do. If the only resource you have is the ER, then by all means, use it. I did have my primary care doc prescribe some psych meds between insurances when my husband's job changed and my pdoc didn't take the new insurance. So some family docs (at least in my area) will prescribe psych meds (especially if you are an existing patient and are waiting on a psych appt.), but it depends. If you can't get an appt. for months, I'd go to the ER if that's your only option. I am not a professional, but it doesn't sound like you can wait months to see a doctor.

I have also found it easier to get in to see pdocs if you are seeing a therapist first. At least in the U.S., I think some therapists (who are much easier & faster to get appts. with) are able to pull strings to get clients who need the pdoc in to see a pdoc much faster.

SSRIs can trigger manic episodes in some bipolar people. They do for me. My old pdoc (she just retired so I'm just adjusting to a new pdoc) only prescribed them brief periods of 3 months or less if I was in a depressive epsiode and nothing else was helping.

I agree that an appointment to see a psychiatrist would be a good thing for you to do, especially given your concerns of worrisome symptoms beyond any mild to moderate depression. If you wonder if the antidepressant your neurologist prescribed affected you negatively it's good to discuss this with an expert on prescribing such psychotropic meds (the antidepressant).

[Unrigged64072835]

I'd definitely talk to a professional.