[annielovesbacon]

(sui tw)

I have been in an extreme depressive episode for the past few weeks, I've been having the most intense suicidal thoughts I've had in a long time. But what I don't get is that I'm doing everything "right" to combat the depression. I'm exercising, eating healthy, showering every day, not isolating myself, writing... but I still feel f--king AWFUL. I just have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to ***.
And I'm just so frustrated because there's not even anything in my behavior to change to fix this, I'm using all my coping mechanisms but I still feel like I'm in hell

Sorry just needed to vent

[pirilin]

I can't help you. Only The Superior Power can. Seek it. Feel It's Presence.
Good luck in your journey.

[~Christina]

Just keeping doing all that self care.

I say stop fighting to swim upstream and just float for a while.

I’m currently floating and it’s helping relieve the stress of stressing about the state that im presently in.

Hope you find some peace.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

. I say stop fighting to swim upstream and just float for a while.

This is excellent advice and something I’m trying to put into practice too.

[SparkySmart]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I say stop fighting to swim upstream and just float for a while.

I think this is great advice.

[*Laurie*]

How are your meds? When I'm doing everything right and still feel depressed I start looking at what's going on with my meds.

I imagine we've all been where you are more than a couple of times. It sucks and it doubly sucks when we are trying hard to get out of the hole.

I sort of agree with the others who suggested you give yourself a break to a degree. Yes, self-care and working coping skills is definitely important, but not to a degree that they seem to make things worse. Pick a few that you really want to work on and keep them up, but if there are a couple or a few that really seem to make no difference in the least, take a vacation from them.

I agree with Laurie that if you are in some danger, you MUST contact your psychiatrist and let him/her know that coping skills alone are not cutting the mustard. Medication changes are sometimes really necessary. Not only can the medication(s) themselves help boost moods, but just the hope that they bring can provide a bit of a comfort.

You say that you're writing. I love writing, too! Sometimes when my energy levels and motivation are very low, or I'm truly depressed, it's difficult for me to write. Or sometimes I do write, but it's an outpouring of misery. That can indeed be a helpful release, but if that's all I do, it can turn unhelpful to various degrees. Today I received an e-mail from my congressman with a poll. Not all congressman/women send polls to their constituents. I like the chance to share my views. I do know, however, that most people on his e-mail list are people who share his political affiliation. Given this, the poll results will naturally favor the views of his political party. This, in my opinion, provides for an unreliable poll result. After all, he represents ALL people in the district he represents. Not just the people who voted for him and share his views. It then becomes crucial that people with opposing views, like me, write to him further and remind him of this, and clearly outline the issues that mean a lot to me.

Perhaps you, and surely many others, are not politically oriented, but there are many things you can do as part of your "coping skills" that provide a certain reward. Rewards are not just buying a new blouse or eating a piece of double chocolate cake, although there's nothing wrong with them, on occasion. They can be as simple as the satisfaction of weeding a garden and seeing it in good shape, of complimenting a person and receiving a big smile of appreciation, of spending a little extra time playing with your pet who will surely be grateful in return. There are many things.

I am not a huge fan of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), but I do recognize some value to a few of the coping skills. For example, mindfulness (such as paying close attention to positive things like a cool breeze, favorite POSITIVE song, birds playing), Imagery (imagining yourself in a much more pleasant place), and Using Pros and Cons (making yourself list more pros than cons) are helpful tools.

I know that Pros and Cons lists can sometimes be hard for depressed people to fill out because they totally ignore many many pros that exist. But believe me, even people in the worse of circumstances can populate a pros column. Working hard at that project is a rewarding one, even if seemingly difficult.

[*Laurie*]

Wise post from Birdie ^^^^.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

(sui tw)

I have been in an extreme depressive episode for the past few weeks, I've been having the most intense suicidal thoughts I've had in a long time. But what I don't get is that I'm doing everything "right" to combat the depression. I'm exercising, eating healthy, showering every day, not isolating myself, writing... but I still feel f--king AWFUL. I just have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to ***.
And I'm just so frustrated because there's not even anything in my behavior to change to fix this, I'm using all my coping mechanisms but I still feel like I'm in hell

Sorry just needed to vent

I know there is nothing I could say that will mean much because I have not walked iin your shoes . But several years ago when the beast had me and in shear desperation I stumbled upon an interest ( does not matter what ) ... I let my attention fall on this new item and it gave me a reason to hang on ... I know it sounds silly but nothing close to me meant anything ... not even family ... but this ( new and different ) interest brought me out when every maxed out pill I was on would not ... What it might be for you ... I have no idea ... and maybe it is just my obsessive mind set ... but it has keep me out of that dreadful place ... just don't give up .. your salvation may just be around the next corner ... peace to you ... remember the tigger loves you ...

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

How are your meds? When I'm doing everything right and still feel depressed I start looking at what's going on with my meds.

Maybe I should talk with my psych about them when I see him next month. I am on lamictal, and back in March I was extremely depressed and we doubled my dosage and I felt much better. Maybe it has stopped working? That kinda sucks. It's the first med I've ever taken that actually made me feel a difference in my depressive symptoms.