[Movingon69]

With the help of my counselor I wrote the letter to my girls acknowledging how they've been impacted by my illness, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness. Sent it before my vacation on the 26th.

Haven't gotten a response.

The youngest daughter did allow her kids to stay with us for a couple of nights. I sent her a text saying thank you and sent some photos. No response.

I was out of the country on her birthday so I sent her an email. No response.

I called my oldest daughter asking to tell my two year old grand daughter happy birthday. She said "no, I will pass it on."

This TOTALLY pissed off my husband and he called her. She said she's done and hung up on him.

He keeps telling me I've done everything I need to do and they have to make some steps and realize the two of us are a package.

I just don't know if this is ever going to get better and don't even know if it's worth it to keep putting everyone, including my husband, through this.

I know ya'll must be tired of hearing me go on and on about this but it constatnly weighs on my mind.

My therapist is awesome. I'm going to see her. She's been with her husband at the doctor all day and is working me in after hours.

SIGH

[Blueberrybook]

Just wondering...how old are your kids?

[MistressStayc]

It would weigh on any mother but your husband is right. You are doing all you can do and have done all the right things. You may just have to just give it time. They are still angry it seems and usually time helps that. Just keep being open and receptive for when they are ready to talk.

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Just wondering...how old are your kids?

One is 30 (she's the one that wouldn't let me talk to the two year old)

The other is 26.

[Victoria'smom]

All you could do is apologize. It still hasn't been that long. Did you look at subscription boxes to see if you can afford to send them to your grand children. So that way at least they know you're thinking of them.

[Unrigged64072835]

You've done all you could. It's up to them to respond.

You can have some self-compassion, too. Realize that despite your illness you did the best you could, and not beat yourself up for what happened.

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

All you could do is apologize. It still hasn't been that long. Did you look at subscription boxes to see if you can afford to send them to your grand children. So that way at least they know you're thinking of them.

i have. Right this minute I can't afford it. But I might get a job offer this week. That would channge things.

[*Laurie*]

Since you can't afford the subscriptions right now, hand-craft some cards and send those. Hopefully, your daughters will give the cards to their children.

[Moreta]

When my mom sends me cards i tear them up and put them in recycling. I really wish she'd stop sending me cards. tbh as someone who doesn't talk to their mom, it just makes me madder when she tries to contact me. I even changed my phone number. I really wish I could move. Maybe next year.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm starting to think maybe it's not what you did this time to their father but what you put your family through all the years undiognosed. I know you can't do anything about it but keep forcing instead of waiting may be making things worse. My sisters had a falling out. It took maybe 2.5 years for them to stand in the same room together. Even now they don't really talk and hang out. Some things just take time.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Moreta

When my mom sends me cards i tear them up and put them in recycling. I really wish she'd stop sending me cards. tbh as someone who doesn't talk to their mom, it just makes me madder when she tries to contact me. I even changed my phone number. I really wish I could move. Maybe next year.

I can definitely understand feeling that way about your mom. I'm thinking about the grandchildren involved. In my experience, many times grandchildren view their grandparent differently. My mom was always very critical of her mother and insisted that her mother didn't really care about her. I didn't see it the way my mom did. I loved my grandmother and I have no doubt that she dearly loved my mother. Had my mom prohibited my contact with my grandmother it would have been very upsetting to me.

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm starting to think maybe it's not what you did this time to their father but what you put your family through all the years undiognosed. I know you can't do anything about it but keep forcing instead of waiting may be making things worse. My sisters had a falling out. It took maybe 2.5 years for them to stand in the same room together. Even now they don't really talk and hang out. Some things just take time.

I agree that I think it is now more about the ramifications over the years. The letter my counselor suggested (and helped edit) was about: acknowledging the pain, apologizing, and asking for forgiveness.

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I can definitely understand feeling that way about your mom. I'm thinking about the grandchildren involved. In my experience, many times grandchildren view their grandparent differently. My mom was always very critical of her mother and insisted that her mother didn't really care about her. I didn't see it the way my mom did. I loved my grandmother and I have no doubt that she dearly loved my mother. Had my mom prohibited my contact with my grandmother it would have been very upsetting to me.

I didn't have a relationship with my mom until I was in my 30's but I had one with my grandmother and it was wonderful. Thanks for this

[Movingon69]

Originally Posted by Moreta

When my mom sends me cards i tear them up and put them in recycling. I really wish she'd stop sending me cards. tbh as someone who doesn't talk to their mom, it just makes me madder when she tries to contact me. I even changed my phone number. I really wish I could move. Maybe next year.

I appreciate your perspective. Since I don't know the issue with your mom did she ever try to make things right, accept responsibility, or ask for forgiveness?

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by Movingon69

I appreciate your perspective. Since I don't know the issue with your mom did she ever try to make things right, accept responsibility, or ask for forgiveness?

Nah. why would she? My grandma is the same way.