TW: Violent thoughts?

Does anyone else have issues with violent thoughts towards themselves? Before this year, I never had this problem, or if so it was so passing I do not remember. My thoughts are often violent towards myself now. This is not a new symptom, so it is not a sudden red flag I don't think. The things I think about are just really messed up, but I am not that upset by them. Enough that I tell my pdoc what's going on, but not so much that it I feel much emotion about it. Sometimes this borders on or even turns into suicidal ideation, too. Just wondering if anyone relates?

I have thoughts every day often several times a day. I just tell myself "No, that's not a good idea." and move on. If I can't get that thought out of my head I take a nap or go to bed early.

I've had it too. Many nights I go to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up in the morning (not suicidal ideation but bordering on it). Sometimes, I think it would be a good idea to take a stash of my meds and see what happens without caring about the outcome. I have such a stash of old meds, I'[m sure I could do something awful to myself with them especially if I combined them with alcohol. Not all even are psych meds but things like vicodin, hydrocodone, tramadol that I was prescribed for things like a pulled tooth or broken toe, and even some left over from my ulcer surgery because I never finished the bottles. And yet I don't want to get rid of the stash, even the expire drugs. It makes me feel re-assured that it's still there and sometimes it's for the suicidal ideation (just to know something is there to try) and sometimes it is just to know I can self-medicate myself. I should take them to a medication take back. They have them several times each year in this area, but I don't want to. The only drugs I feel like getting rid of are the fibro meds that contain NSAIDs, which I no longer can take, and that perforated ulcer surgery thing was one of my worst life experiences ever; I have zero desire to repeat it.

But, yeah, I get those feelings too. Even when I'm a bit hypomanic.

I have the thing you talk about --thoughts of violence towards myself, yet with a passive attitude, usually involving I think these things when I am agitated too, but as we're talking about, that's not necessarily so. I don't think I would describe them as "often" though. Maybe "moderately regularly". I don't really know what to think of them.

When I have violent thoughts, I try to tell someone right away. Usually if I can get into a conversation with someone and get engaged in something else, it helps me get rid of the thoughts.

Absolutely and always have. My therapist says to think it, acknowledge it as just a thought (not good or bad) then refocus on what I am doing. She told me thoughts are just thoughts and sometimes when I think this way its merely a way to manage what I'm feeling.

not so much violent thoughts but messed up thoughts, yes...when on a heavy cocktail. im down to bare bones in terms of psych drugs, doing much better. just thoght id throw that out there, given how many people end up on multiple psych drugs...

My experience is very similar to this but only when I am unwell.

Yep,

I used to think about killing myself all the time when the kids were young but didn't want them to find me. Then, I didn't want my husband (a firefighter) to come home after 24 hours and not knowing what night he'd had to find me.

I actually recently tried it. I was just diagnosed and only on 50 mg of Lamectal at the time. My husband was going to divorce me because of the affair. The kids weren't talking to me, I was seeing pictures of the three of them all over FB, and I'd lost my job. I have had a recurring dream all of my adult life. I won't go into details because it's long. It always ends with me crashing into a body of water. I decided God had been sending me that dream all these years as a way out and to stop hurting people. I knew I couldn't drive my car into a body of water sober. So, I (apparently - don't remember anything after making the decision) bought two bottles of wine. Drank one in the car on the way to a park that has a boat ramp. Guess I was going to drink the other bottle before driving off into the abyss. But, thankfully, which is ironic, I was stopped by a cop and arrested. I haven't gone to court yet, but I'm actually grateful I was stopped. If not I would either be dead or could have killed someone. I don't think I could have lived with that. I'm embarrassed because one of the other charges is resisting arrest. I have no idea what I was doing to the cop. I don't remember a thing. But, my son-in-law is a cop in another city. I'm so embarrassed I would do that to a member of law enforcement.

So, please get help if you are thinking of hurting yourself because it isn't just you that will hurt you could potentially hurt others.

for me it's less " thoughts", more " visions"

I'll see myself in a certain situation and wonder. what would it be like actually doing that?, and how would people feel about it

the acception to this rule is SH (not suicide)

then it's just thoughts

Thanks everyone for your input. I am sorry to hear so many people experienced this. I do think they are worse when I am unwell, and I am definitely planning to discuss again with my pdoc tomorrow. I have been keeping him informed all along, but it is starting to wear on me. I definitely want to make sure I am healthy enough not to put anyone in harms way unintentionally.

Please stay safe.

WC

I do as well.

Sending big hugs.

—-get rid of the extra drugs now, today. A few for this or that is ok. U have kids in the house. Most of us have these thoughts sometimes. We have to refocus and have plenty of ways to do that. Stockpile coping ideas on pretty colored cards if necessary,not meds.

It has happened in the past, but so much now.

Please stay safe.