[Moose72]

Flash-backs of Mania
Just visiting me manic again: In Paradisium. There was so much more to it than this. (More posts, too!) I remember wanting to be one with the universe and angels giving me messages that told me the secret to the universe. They did this straight into my brain. I felt I knew everything and I was a peace with the entirety of creation.
(It seems I end up here in the Fall. I think its the light changing, but nobody believes me. Hopefully, I can stay out of the hospital this year in September/October/November.)

And yet it was more than this: I thought angels were giving me messages but I also thought aliens had abducted my friend, K, and had taken over his mind and body. I thought, therefore, that he was an alien. I thought I could fly. Every time I saw the doctor in charge at the psych. hospital, he'd ask if I could fly, and I'd reluctantly say yes and then no and then yes again.

Reading this post doesn't given you a good idea. You have to go back and read how disjointed the originals are. The lights outside that I describe, too, called to me, shining brightly in the rain. That was the day I went to the psych. hospital last October. I recall wanting to feel the hard metal of the cars making contact with me and then breaking my bones. The light poles stationary, taking the force of my body and the warped metal of the car at the same time, as we tried to take up the same area of space. It was a cold, slow dance, I envisioned, with the wipers tocking back and forth in the rain. I wanted the heightened sensations. I needed every nuance: each step I took, the feeling of the cold metals, becoming one with it all- the heightened mania that NEEDED the desperation of it all, yet the floating detachment of each footstep.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Whirling Wipers

Walking through the fog I breathe in its viscosity. The cars drive one way- a wiper swipes- then the other whooshing by. They don't exist. I can walk between the most and air as it overburdens my lungs, thick. The air blows around my ankles and is soothing.

Whirling through the cars like the fog. Like the ghost that I am. I don't exist. Time changes. Every bit of what I am and was and could be are now one. I take another step. One. Two. The lights change. The fog lays low, cuddling around the hard bright surfaces of metal. I step again. Red.... Green. Step. Whoosh! Honk! I am free! Time and I are one. I step again.... Breathe in that thick air. Stop

[~Christina]

Did you blog all this? If not you probably should

is it wierd that when I read this topic it made me think of a former member?

yes..... it is.

because nothing in the post makes me think about them- so I guess just blah or something

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Did you blog all this? If not you probably should

Yes I did. Those two times seem like yesterday but they were several years back!

[cashart10]

I frequently have flashbacks of mania also. Sometimes I feel jealous of the incredible grandiosity and delusions I have missed since becoming medicated again. But, mostly I am just glad for my sanity and pray to God that I will keep it.

[Moose72]

TRIGGER WARNING

12/19/2013

Client seen today at xxxx for first time and was previously followed at xxxx but due to intensive treatment needs, will be followed by XXX and client was initially confused about the change and confirmed understanding after writer's explanation. [pdoc]

She recently was hospitalized at UM 9C 10/1-10/10 for SI [suicidal ideation], mania, psychosis and had zyprexa increased to 10 mg during admission then was at XX 11/12 for SI, psychosis.

Today she denies AH/VH/IOR/paranoia, endorses stable mood without hypomania or mania, low anxiety and depression energy, & appetite normal no wight changes, sleeps 8 hours, memory is variable and low at times.

She has history of mania with psychosis - VH-sees animals. "cat disappearing." AH [audio hallucinations] "someone talking, music playing" referential delusion-"sun giving me messages, I could fly". Grandiose delusions-I was invincible, could walk into traffic and nothing would happen", elevated and irritable mood-"everything is wonderful", agitation- "moving a lot," occasional thoughts of wanting to stab herself "reported this was a chronic issue that did not increase her desire to commit suicide," or inflict self-harm.

Client is not sure why she had episode this fall or last fall because she notes medication adherence and also remarked the last year in November, she had another manic/psychotic period and thinks the fall may be a bad time for her. Per [hospital] admission note during her two weeks prior to hospitalization, client was posting multiple blogs [I just have this one blog.] and writing more, internal restlessness, almost jumping off balcony, increased pressure to talk and stay up past midnight on phone with friends, racing thoughts, low concentration, increased energy, appetite decreased, mildly decreased sleep....

11/26/13 CURRENT SIDE EFFECTS< ADHERENCE ISSUES AND PREVIOUS MEDICATION TRIALS
latuda trial - akathisia, w 20mg dose

fanapt - tachycardia w 4mg dose

depakote - weight gain, worked well

seroquel - itching

nortriptiline

abilify - akathisia

geodon - induced asthma attack

saphris - "internal hallucinations"

[Standup2me]

I miss mania too. Such a cruel mistress
I once lived in a two story A frame house out in the middle of nowhere
I climbed the roof and hung over the edge because I wanted to paint the house (a manic idea) but my ladder was not tall enough
I thought that if I fell it would be okay because the trees would send their branches out to save me
...seemed like a good idea at the time...
I miss that feeling of being immortal, being invincible

[Quebec01]

Hi,
Thank you for sharing your experience. While reading, I felt that I could relate to the events you wrote.
I've been there too, so many times. I made so many mistakes and took very
irresponsible decisions. For some reason, people don't always see how far off I am when this happens.
I'd love to read your blog. Is this link safe even though it starts with http instead of https (S for a safe connection.)
I hope you are safe and will feel better soon.
Take care

[Tucson]

I have been reading your blog too. Nice blog. I do not like (hypo)mania at all. I would rather be in full control of myself and my senses. This is one reason I do not drink much at all. I find your experiences interesting but scary at the same time. It’s nice having you here on PC.

@Quebec01:

FWIW You need https only if you need to protect the information you send to a website and the information the website sends to you. For example, this would apply to your online bank website. This has nothing to do with the security of your computer system itself.