[Blueberrybook]

There just seems to be no financial relief for us at all. I've had a horrible day again. I spent all morning emailing and calling churches. I found a food pantry, but that's it. It won't pay the mortgage or other bills, and we have enough food for now.

My husband is very down and depressed. On top of it all, his school is so cheap he has to buy supplies like scissors, rubber bands, balls if he wants to do any labs in Physics class. Those supplies have a way of walking away every year. He goes to the dollar store, but still.

I was going to try to do more after lunch, but I don't know. I have a headache, I'm nearly crying, I'm panicky (tried taking the low dose 25 mg Seroquel to see if it helps, don't know yet, I just took it 5 minutes ago). I hate myself and my life.

In addition (and this is really what upset me this morning), my daughter actually hit me on the arm on purpose while I was trying to help her get ready in the morning, so she could be on time for school. She has never done that before. We don't hit. My husband never hits me or gets physically violent with me. I have only spanked my daughter one time, when she was around 4 mistreating the our cat to the point the cat might have been badly injured, and she wasn't listening to multiple warnings. She's 10, so she may or may not remember it now. I was so upset, it made me cry.

I'm just trying to do my best, and it's not working. I hate myself so much right now for having mental illnesses, not bringing in money, and even if I did, it wouldn't be adequate to keep our house.

I am just so depressed and upset. I couldn't even eat breakfast. I'm going to try to eat lunch now. I'm so anxious, and having my husband so depressed, anxious, and panicky is very hard too. Then, we have to put on a happy face for our daughter though we did tell her what was going on.

And then she hits me

[Cornucopia]

That is a lot to deal with, even without any MI.

I’m short on words atm, just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear you are struggling

Hug

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, I am so panicky. I did eat lunch, but now I'm going to lie down and try to control my breathing, though that hasn't been helping at all lately.

[yellow_fleurs]

I am so sorry you are struggling. Do you have a therapist you will be seeing or could schedule an appointment with? Sounds like you need all the support you can get.

[Blueberrybook]

No. I have never clicked with one, going through at least 10-12. And it would be short, only until January when I have to build up a $7500 insurance deductible again before the insurance pays a cent. Paying out of pocket, full cost for all things medical. Our insurance sucks.

[~Christina]

I had to cut back on any medical and psych appts due to cost , it sucks but push came to shove.

How far behind on mortgage? Less than a month or 3 you can catch up with changes in spending , I know hard but look at the long game, if you even pick up a part time job it will buy food or help you cover medical costs,

I feel for you I do .... you spent 2 days calling place after place and stressed to the max. Spend that time at a boring job. Maybe push has come to shove for you I think

Hope you find some help from someone or from yourself.

Hugs

[Daonnachd]

With regard to your daughter, could it be that she’s worried and feeling your stress, but doesn’t know how to deal with it and so lashed out in the moment? Given that it is so out of character, I would encourage you to treat her gently in dealing with this. Being a kid is hard when things are weighing on us but we haven’t got skills to resolve things, nor words to express what’s going on in our minds.

[Blueberrybook]

We are not behind on mortgage payments yet. But all the other bills...I may have 2 little bits of relief this month. An interfaith league sends a representative to a Starbucks seating area in a grocery store Thursday mornings at 9 AM. I think you can maybe use them once or twice a year. They usually will help a little with one bill. Maybe our 2nd mortgage which is around $125/month. Then, I have an appointment at the Catholic Church at 11 tomorrow. They will evaluate your situation and bills and while they may not pay the entire 1st mortgage ($850/month), they might help out with it. I have to see if we have bills for utilities, etc. that have not been paid already. It is tricky because we have a lot of those bills are drafted directly from the bank, and we get the paper afterwards. Maybe not the city utilities (roughly $100/month). I don’t know if we have been billed for it yet this month or not. I will ask my husband.

So many bills, only $2000 to cover them. No help from a single state or federal agency, phone call after phone call. Beyond frustrating. And what would I do if I had a job where my daughter had to catch the school bus alone in the morning, and I don’t think she could reliably do it herself? Then there would have to be childcare, yet another cost. And scheduling around pdoc appts. Oh, I don’t know, maybe something might work. But just this week, I have had 2 panic attacks lasting over 1 hr each, too many crying breakdowns to count, computer skills way out of date. Zero referrals. Starting to look like a walking skeleton too. Can’t stop the running though I am doing less lately; it’s an addictive go-to coping mechanism. I have never been this stressed out in my entire life.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you do people ready? They use to pay daily when it was labor ready or subbing I know it wont cover much. When does your husband leave for work and when does he get home? can you teach adult ed classes at night? Is there a call center near you? or a hospital, nursing home, hotel that needs a night desk person were you can work 11-7 am? That way someone is always home for your daughter.

The stress is literally eating away at you. When you talk to Catholic charities caseworker please ask about therapy. I feel you need to see a professional at least weekly.

[Fuzzybear]

life sucks ....

[Wild Coyote]

In this area, Catholic Charities offers counseling/therapy for individuals and for couples. Maybe they do in your area as well?

There have been some interesting suggestions about work. However, I am concerned as to whether or not you are up to working?

I am sorry you and your family are having such a rough time.

Keep posting; I hope doing so somehow helps.

I wish you Peace of mind.

With concern,

WC

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

In this area, Catholic Charities offers counseling/therapy for individuals and for couples. Maybe they do in your area as well?

There have been some interesting suggestions about work. However, I am concerned as to whether or not you are up to working?

I am sorry you and your family are having such a rough time.

Keep posting; I hope doing so somehow helps.

I wish you Peace of mind.

With concern,


WC

Thank you, WC. I worry too if I am well enough to work. I see the pdoc again on Monday, going to ask him for official proof I cannot work, especially if he has to talk to my retiring pdoc for her opinion before she leaves the practice entirely. Liuckily, they are both in the same practice.

[bizi]

I am sorry that you are in this much stress with terrible anxiety.
yes the church should offer counseling services.
I wish for you some peace of mind.
(((((HUGS)))))

How have you been meeting your bills up until now?

Did something change?
sorry if you have already mentioned this....
bizi