[eye2797]

First order of this post- I am no longer taking zyprexa.

On Wed the 8th a Boy I was a nanny for took his life, I have been having ups and downs with it. We still kept in touch even though he was 29 and his brother is 32. His parents are awesome and stood by him through everything he dealt with. He left a letter and My husband read it but told me I shouldn't. I have not asked why or what was in it that would trigger me. They put the letter out so that everyone could see the love Kyle had.
I did see my doc,and he said what I felt was normal.
a week later is when I was put on zyprexa. I have been also told to check in each day through his internet message portal. I also am to see and check in with therapist. I was out of town and with people over the last few days , so they took that as me being safe from harming myself.

I am hyper one day and dark depressed the next and this goes back and forth.I go through days of wanting to leave this world. Not because of Kyle, just for myself. I am just puzzled as to when do you know to reach out for help or go IP. I was just there in May. I have not attempted anything but man sometimes it is so hard.

Even when I am hyper I have thoughts and when depressed they are even worse.
I am afraid of IP for that they may want to mess with my meds to much, or do I just need a safe place for a while.

[SorryShaped]

I don't even have words. I feel for you. Keep talking about it when you're ready

[Wild Coyote]

Are you feeling safe enough to not be in the hospital?

Have you kept up with contacting your pdoc through his internet portal?
Does your pdoc know you are done with Zyprexa? Would your pdoc try a different med in place of Zyprexa? Are you open to a different med?

Have you been in touch with your therapist?

What helps to keep you safe and diverts you (safely) from a hospital admission?

Do you have adequate support outside of a hospital?
Do you have an "intensive outpatient program " nearby and would you attend if not safe?

I am so very sorry for the loss of this young man.
You may be resonating with the depth of his despair; I do, sometimes, when someone I know takes their own life or attempts to do so, as I can relate to feeling so very hopeless.

I am very concerned about you.

How will you keep yourself safe?

Thinking of you.


WC

[Victoria'smom]

When should you go is up to you. I have to go when I no longer feel like keeping myself safe even with all my safety measures.

[eye2797]

Wild coyote I do feel safe when I'm around others such as my husband and my sister and and Friends. I know I cant always be around my husband because he needs to go to work. Being around my sister is the next best thing even though she always doesn't understand it or get it she still supportive.

The doctor doesn't know that I stopped at Zyprexa and that we continued to stay on Latuda, for now it's keeping me somewhat stable. I have been checking in and keeping up with talking with my therapist through texting when needed.

I don't really have anything in place that keeps me occupied or keeps me out of the hospital if that makes sense. Where I live I do not have outpatient program and that really sucks, I wish they did

I will be back in touch with my doctor on Monday and I see him on Wednesday. I also may have an appointment made with my therapist if I need it she is available. Thank you for your response

[eye2797]

The young man that took his life was such a bright beam of sunshine. He could put a smile on anybody's face. He had so much going for him in life he had the greatest fiance and then we plan on getting married on Sanibel Island which was his happy place. Because of his choice of Partners he often went through a lot of ridicule and bullying. Even when he was in high school. At that point he turned to drugs and alcohol but his parents were always there for him and help him get sober and stay sober. Over the last year we had really reconnected and started talking a lot through Facebook and making plans to meet again as he had moved away. Not that far from us but we both lived such busy lifestyles it was hard for us to come up with time to get together even if it was just for the day. He worked in Food Service which he really loved because he like being around people and socializing but it meant working a lot of hours.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by eye2797

Wild coyote I do feel safe when I'm around others such as my husband and my sister and and Friends. I know I cant always be around my husband because he needs to go to work. Being around my sister is the next best thing even though she always doesn't understand it or get it she still supportive.

The doctor doesn't know that I stopped at Zyprexa and that we continued to stay on Latuda, for now it's keeping me somewhat stable. I have been checking in and keeping up with talking with my therapist through texting when needed.

I don't really have anything in place that keeps me occupied or keeps me out of the hospital if that makes sense. Where I live I do not have outpatient program and that really sucks, I wish they did

I will be back in touch with my doctor on Monday and I see him on Wednesday. I also may have an appointment made with my therapist if I need it she is available. Thank you for your response

Glad you are seeing your pdoc soon.
I feel safe with my husband's presence, too.
All the Best to You!

W C

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry for your loss.

Sometimes a situation like this can make an existing depression worse.

[Blueberrybook]

I so sorry for your loss. It sounds as if it hit you deeply.

What does your therapist think?

I know for me, when I think I need IP, I do (whether I go or not; there are several times I've thought I should but was held back by things like money, care of my daughter, etc.) The times I have gone IP, even I thought I actually needed IP.

But everyone is different.

I'm glad you will be seeing your pdoc soon. And remember to be honest about not taking the Zyprexa.

[eye2797]

You know about my therapist thinks is hard for me to remember. My days have all been a blur.
My moods and emotions all stirred up.
Today has been an ok day for me. Have been kept busy by setting up a new bed frame for my son and cleaning his room.

[bewise93]

So sorry. I had a friend in high school that committed suicide. It's hard.