Trying to comprehend that I can never be "cured"

Was talking to my therapist the other day and she told me that medication and therapy can and will help, but because I have bipolar I will always experience depression and hypomania. I can learn tools to help alleviate the symptoms and fight back but those cycles will always be there.

Just trying to come to terms that this is a lifelong illness. It feels like a death sentence sometimes.

I hear you.

Thirty-four years ago now, I was diagnosed with several conditions. I could not imagine living with the diagnoses. I was young and did not want to live if I could not live a very active lifestyle. I am glad that I had a good therapist as I went through the grieving and the adjustments necessary to carry on. I have had a fairly good life. Lots of challenges; yet, lots of rewards, too.

Do you have a therapist to help you work through the stages to reach acceptance? Do you have support? I hope so.

Your life may be more challenging than you had anticipated; however, it's still precious and worthwhile. I hope you find a place of inner peace.


WC

I think that is why I let myself deny my dx ... I hope you find peace my friend ... Tigger .

I accepted my diagnosis because it meant the beast had a name and a starting point. I learned bipolar couldn't be slain but must be tangled with regularly.
I've always got someone to fight and someone to make up with, me and bipolar

I respectfully disagree with your therapist. I know the popular wisdom tells us that once Bipolar, always Bipolar, but have comprehensive studies really been done of patients from diagnosis to death to see if this is really true??

I can't say I know whether it is life-long or not, but that's the point; I think we just don't know.

I hope this gives you a little bit of hope...

I don’t agree with your therapist. My bipolar 2 is so well under control with medication, I almost can forget I have it. (Of course, then I start messing with my meds and I am quickly reminded why I need my meds!). Yes, I will probably be on meds forever and won’t be cured, but that doesn’t bother me because I usually do okay.

Great!

My H has BPII and he has been very stable on his meds for 15 years or so.
Some people do very well with the right meds.
Thanks for sharing hope!

WC

For me the tough thing is knowing I will always have this disorder, even if it is well managed and knowing that if I stop my medication without a pdoc's close monitoring, I'm pretty much throwing myself to the wolves.

I had been misdiagnosed with major depression for over 10 years before I started on meds for bipolar. It wasn't a jump for joy moment, but at least with major depression, you have some hope that maybe the condition is situational, that maybe over time and with the right treatment, you can get past it. Although honestly, at the 10 year point, I was doubting that for myself too. I am so, so angry because if the medical professionals had asked all the right questions or asked them in a different way or not decided to blame everything on my eating disorder, they might have diagnosed me as bipolar much sooner and given me meds that actually helped. (I feel so long on SSRIs just did a number on my brain, making permanent changes). But they were quick to blame the eating disorder. "Oh, you haven't slept for 3 days? Well, that is obviously because the lack of nutrients are messing with your circadian rhythms..." But if they had asked, have you had sleep problems a long time (yeah, as long as I remember), have you gone more than 24 hr without sleep without feeling the need to sleep or being unable to sleep before you came to college (and got ill with anorexia)? Yep, to that too. They never even asked me about overspending money, and I had run the balances to the max on all my credit cards. They glossed over hypersexuality, and while it's true I didn't sleep around, I masturbated excessively, 3 or 4 hours some days.

I don't think my family fully accepts that this is a lifelong illness, and that I have come to terms with that. My husband thinks the medication is to blame for the way I am, but I honestly think it was too many years on the wrong meds. I think off my meds now, I would really be struggling. I don't think my sisters or mom, anyone really realizes that I am going to be bipolar for life, that it won't just go away.

I feel for you, annie. I have been feeling awfully discouraged myself this month about the repercussions of BD.

In all honesty, me too.


WC

I send my support for all of you too. I am young (in college) so this is all very new to me. I don't know how it will keep affecting me. And I have many other comorbid diagnoses that it's hard to tell them apart... I have had many of the same problems you describe cln1812. Is my constant exhaustion due to a depressive episode, or anorexia, or substance abuse?... etc. I'm taking medication and seeing a therapist and I'm still trying to figure it out but I'm scared I never will.

Since you are young, you are likely to see changes in how various diagnoses are treated. I hope treatment gets better and better in your lifetime. I recall when there were few options for treating psychiatric conditions. How things have changed!

WC

After 40 years of being mis dx'd with depression, I was so relieved to be finally be be dx'd with bp at age 40. It explained so much. I was also dx'd with Anxiety Disorder, not an uncommon co-morbid disorder of bp. I also have PTSD and Epilepsy.

Since then, I've never considered the possibility of being 'cured' of bp, but instead always hoped to maintain 'stability'. And I've worked very hard to do so for the past 26 years. That's included therapy and meds. At times my meds have had to be tweaked, just a fact of life......but not so often as the years go on. I've learned coping skills in therapy, very important. There are many types of therapies and not all works for each person. It's up to you and your therapist to find which one works works for you. It's all about finding the tdoc you click with.

I'm aware that this is is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life for me to maintain my stability. And that's what it's all about.

Denial and/or convincing myself I am better and going off meds is a big mistake I have made numerous times. Current med mix has been doing well for about 15 months with a few small swings. In an odd way, I think I might be better off having infrequent small swings that remind me I am not cured.