autumns make me sad and blue

Feeling very blue and down with the coming autumn.

Back to my job, back to my city and I feel blue as hell. I try to look for good omens, I try to be positive, but it does not work all that much.

I always get this "post-travel blues". I experienced it before... but now...

I do spend the summer in Ukraine (again. Seriously, Poroshenko should just give me job at ministry of tourism and free pass at Ukrainian railways), which may be partly frollicking around beautiful Eastern Europe... and well party visiting military hospitals with bags of gifts and food (I learned by now not to cry... or faint...) and going to places uncomfortably close to frontlines (Mariupol - about 20 km), just to show the people "I am not afraid to come here". I have been activisting for the country for four long years……….. and it’s a long long time. It is slowly wearing me down, I am afraid. I feel certainly tired and the end is nowhere near, so I have to continue on.

So well, now I am back home from places, safe, unharmed... well, but some places have effect on you and haunt you. I cannot shake of some places... but in a way, I wanna find the quickest route to go back, to see them once more, to be there.

Sure, I love my city, where I live, I love my job and all.... but once again, it all feel oh-so-shallow. I need to get back into my activism with my people.

So I am basking in my worries about people I met, about people I know... too dark stuff.

Probably not depression per se, just some kind of trauma, world blue.

But so hard to get out of it.

And now first time I feel happy is for all the wrong reasons. It's rather gleeful over rather horrible things. Oh well. Life made me cynical.

They would understand in Mariupol, 20 km away from warzone. But here, it is so much harder to fit back in.

I can relate to the post travel blues, when I was younger I always had to be told "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." It's great that you're an activist, keep in touch with the part of you being positive and grow in that direction.

Venusss!! Great to see you. I was wondering what you were getting up to.

Yeah, post-travel letdown.... sigh. Sorry you are experiencing it. How long have you been back for? Do you think getting back into things will help ease it? You do love your city after all. Maybe there is some upcoming event to look forward to? (It's not much, but I've got a couple of upcoming concerts that are pulling me through some murky unsettled times.)

Great to see you !

I heard that too, but I feel some places steal part of my heart.

I've been back for few weeks, but I did spend them at my mother's place in the countryside... so in addition I now miss all our cats and ability to go outside and pick some fresh fruits. I never thought I would actually miss the countryside, that I was a city girl... but I guess it was nice lazing around. THis year was crazy (activisty stuff and work)... Maybe I am not 100% ready to get back into it. Or maybe I am just bit afraid...

great to see you too!

I am sorry you have this.

could you somehow recreate the atmosphere?

could you, for example, stick to a part of your rooteen you did their, and not here

watch videos of the place, buy the music, even make plans to return

I will search for some Ukrainian food tomorrow. That should help.



So I went "activisting" and it was actually awesome. Felt that rush of energy once again and I remembered why I do it for so long. The good people you meet that revive your faith in humanity.


Still worried and bit sad, but at the moment I feel, I can do it....

Now that I’m not loopy on night meds I can respond.

I’m sorry your going through this again. Every time you travel it morphs into some sadness, you have a huge heart. You stand up for what is passionate and you believe in 100%

I do think getting back to being a activist for causes will help you feel better.

Maybe just knowing you will make another trip hopefully will tame these feelings ???

It is really good to see you again.

I know you do like hugs but I have to anyway

Feeling somewhat better, but it is still hard to get my mojo back.



Although I had super great news today - project finished. We helped Kharkiv rehabilitation center in major major way and finally the project got to successful finish.


But i cannot shake this weird sadness that weights down on me.

Progress is progress! I think you are on your way to getting your mojo back.
Great news on the project.

It's great to see you back here. I'd wondered what happened to you, where you were and what you were doing. I'm sorry about your blues; I just got back from a vacation and at first was really bummed about having to go home to clouds and rain after I'd been in the tropics for two weeks. (I'm OK now.) Do you think the change of seasons contributes to the letdown?

Hope you get to feeling much better soon.