[cowboy87]

It has been some time since I have been on here. I have been diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar disorder with psychosis, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety.

I am about to tell you something powerful. One morning on a cold rainy day. I was staring outside watching the clouds pass over the mountains. I had just been texted the day before my ex, wanting a divorce. I had no medicine. No money to see a doctor. Lastly, I was unemployed. I moved away because my ex-wife was very abusive as well as her mother was overly controlling. The people in my church turned on me and my so-called friends that belonged to my ex-wife. She cleaned me out and took everything. It was at this point, I have lived a life being taking advantage of, being treated liked crap, and treated inferior and second class to everyone. I was so tired of waking up and wanting to die all the time. I still don't know what happened on that day. But something inside me snapped.

In the last ten months, I have earned over 60 credit hours toward my degree. Nearly finished with school. I became a trained counselor and I volunteer for a crisis hotline. I also obtained my QPR and MHFA certification. I can't even count the number of suicide attempts I was able to stop. I have found in my field I want to work with emotionally disturbed children in a hospital setting. My professors can see I have the skills, attitude, and patience to do this. I quit focusing on shallow relationships, worked on building the ones I broke and sewing them together. Oh yes, it took about three months for me to be moved to management in my company from just a floor worker.

I have become the epitome of motivation for a lot of people. I have gone from always whing and complaining to taking direct leadership at my job, life, and school now. I used to always make excuses and blame everyone else. I stopped doing that, because if you ever watch someone that acts like you when your upset. It sinks in how you look. I start my Master's next year in teaching in a trauma-sensitive environment. I work 60 hours a week and finish one to two college classes a week.

I used to be very clingy and needing everyone's approval. However, I have learned to not give a f*** about anyone's opinion and the only person who is going to build my life and make it what I want to be is me. I used to always talk non-stop and share everything about my life. But now my first response is when I am upset, "its personal, I will deal with it, they are my problems."

I have stopped all my medication and seeing my doctors. I work with a therapist. She tells me all my symptoms are either gone or very well hidden.

It just got to the point, I realize when I wake up, I can choose to get out of bed and make myself a success or failure. Do I still have bad days? Um yes. But I still push myself to get the projects done and to go to work. I soon see a pattern and a change in my behavior doing this. I feel better and more productive.

So now, finishing up school and getting ready for grad school. I meet someone (more like we were childhood friends, who never realized we loved each other) who is weird, funny and has a smart ***** mouth like me. We love each other. She wants to join in my life and get her grad degree too. We have talked about going into the peace corps where she can do medical and I can teach English.

So for those you reading this and going through a hard time. Remember, so many factors go into place where your situation falls. Some biological, some psychological, some environment. But remember, ultimately if you want peace in your life, you going to have to do the work to help get you there. One thing I have learned counseling. There are people out there that want someone to fix all their problems. I used to be like that. But I come to learn it really quite annoying to be needy 24/7. Instead, try this. Teach yourself to love yourself first. Here is the thing. If you can not learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are, you won't be able to love others to the extent that they need it. Some people might say, this person hurt me. That's fine. Hate that person as much as you want, let it create flames in your eyes. But do not take it out on yourself or the rest of the world. That is spreading hatred and your only accomplishing what that person wanted in the first place. Be smart, wake up, see people for they are. Don't put yourself in a situation when someone just because you don't want to feel lonely or accepted. F*** that. The most important person in your life is you when your comfortable being alone, that means you learned to love yourself.

I bet a lot of you have dreams. But you hide them under excuses, labels, disabilities, and lack of confidence. Dreams don't die. You can't kill your dreams. They are always going to be living inside you fighting for life, and the moment you decide to chase them. You will experience true joy in life. If you don't have dreams, make some. Start educating yourself until you find something that makes you passionate.

If you do not get pissed off doing something you love, then your not passionate about it.

[Polibeth]

I'm glad that you are doing well and realizing your dreams, however, this is a bit simplistic and condescending as not everyone follows the same path to wellness.

[zijax]

I'm surprised you use the finger pointing 'you' word instead of the "I" word. That's one of the first things I learned in relationship therapy. Using the 'you' word puts people on the defense.

Everyone is learning lessons at different times. Please respect where we all are.

I 'm inspired by your post and much of it is wise but it also gave me a feeling of personal inadequacy. I'm doing the best I can as we all are and we are all unique with different life paths and experiences.

I am glad you are doing so well and have overcome so much. I think you would be a great motivational speaker. Thank you for sharing your story.

[cowboy87]

Originally Posted by Polibeth

I'm glad that you are doing well and realizing your dreams, however, this is a bit simplistic and condescending as not everyone follows the same path to wellness.

I apologize you find it simplistic and condescending. The path I took to wellness was self-improvement. Going into counseling and working with suicidal emotionally disturbed children, changes you as a person. I have come to learn and applied the self-improvement process into released felons, rehabilitating drug addicts, and much more. This has been my outcome.

-Female raped and abused in foster care. Serious trust issues. Multiple suicide attempts. Severe Depression. Now, she is pursuing a doctorate in biochemistry. Also, she has stopped drinking and self-harming.

-Male. Heroin addict. Multiple overdoses. Serious anger issues. Worked out his aggression, and is now pursuing a degree and has been clean since I got involved.

-Female, 4 kids taken away by CPS, drug abuse. Now, she has her kids back and pushed her back into nursing school.

-Female. Trauma and PTSD. She couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. Now she is finishing her Master's degree.

-Male. Anti-Social Behavior and anger issues. Enlisted in the military and has become an outstanding citizen.

So I apologize if you find my motivation and philosophy on self-improvement to be sub-optimal. However, those 5 people, would most likely disagree. I came into their lives at the lowest points and helped build them into someone. Just like me, they were in a spot were suicide was the better decision. But together we found another way out, a healthier way out, and a way to create a promising future.

People have different needs. I tend to work well with those that find themselves knocking at the gate, ask to leave this world in peace. Some call me their guardian angel. I am a realist. When it comes down to the facts, I can take a pathological liar and substance abuser and turn their life around. I don't take excuses and I don't tolerate manipulation. I don't call that condescending, I call it success.

I agree with what's been said here so far.

I'm glad it's working for you

I don't find your post to be "simplistic." You see, I am a brain damaged medical aspirant. I was abused as a child and still do. People around me (except my doctors) think I am on the autism spectrum. I am terrible at socializing, because my parents never allowed me to have friends or anything really which didn't involve education. Cause they are narrow minded and think me getting good grades will solve all of their problems. They have a mental myopia and a huge misunderstanding.

Yes, I am still abused and I still live with my parents. I want to get into med school and get out of here ASAP. I'd like to add I'll be eighteen this December, and med school here starts right after high school (after giving the medical entrance examination, of course, you are eligible for admission) Although I have so many disabilities and problems (this includes memory issues), I am still trying to be a doctor and a brilliant one for that matter.

It's my dream to save lives and I don't want anyone to take it away from me. Yes you are right. Advancements in psychiatry, therapy and counseling lead to even seemingly hopeless people become good and independent citizens. When I start my practice, I'll make sure to research on diseases and treatments, cause we all need it, not all of us are aware of this.

I am glad for what you have accomplished and the help you have given others. Good job!

Originally Posted by cowboy87

So for those you reading this and going through a hard time. Remember, so many factors go into place where your situation falls. Some biological, some psychological, some environment. But remember, ultimately if you want peace in your life, you going to have to do the work to help get you there.

This is exactly where I am right now. And doing the work. So far, so good! Yeah, there's no getting around doing the work...

I’m a bit confused about what happened on the mountain?

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by cowboy87

It has been some time since I have been on here. I have been diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar disorder with psychosis, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety.

I am about to tell you something powerful. One morning on a cold rainy day. I was staring outside watching the clouds pass over the mountains. I had just been texted the day before my ex, wanting a divorce. I had no medicine. No money to see a doctor. Lastly, I was unemployed. I moved away because my ex-wife was very abusive as well as her mother was overly controlling. The people in my church turned on me and my so-called friends that belonged to my ex-wife. She cleaned me out and took everything. It was at this point, I have lived a life being taking advantage of, being treated liked crap, and treated inferior and second class to everyone. I was so tired of waking up and wanting to die all the time. I still don't know what happened on that day. But something inside me snapped.
In the last ten months, I have earned over 60 credit hours toward my degree. Nearly finished with school. I became a trained counselor and I volunteer for a crisis hotline. I also obtained my QPR and MHFA certification. I can't even count the number of suicide attempts I was able to stop. I have found in my field I want to work with emotionally disturbed children in a hospital setting. My professors can see I have the skills, attitude, and patience to do this. I quit focusing on shallow relationships, worked on building the ones I broke and sewing them together. Oh yes, it took about three months for me to be moved to management in my company from just a floor worker.

I have become the epitome of motivation for a lot of people. I have gone from always whing and complaining to taking direct leadership at my job, life, and
school now. I used to always make excuses and blame everyone else. I stopped doing that, because if you ever watch someone that acts like you when your upset. It sinks in how you look. I start my Master's next year in teaching in a trauma-sensitive environment. I work 60 hours a week and finish one to two college classes a week.

I used to be very clingy and needing everyone's approval. However, I have learned to not give a f*** about anyone's opinion and the only person who is going to build my life and make it what I want to be is me. I used to always talk non-stop and share everything about my life. But now my first response is when I am upset, "its personal, I will deal with it, they are my problems."

I have stopped all my medication and seeing my doctors. I work with a therapist. She tells me all my symptoms are either gone or very well hidden.

It just got to the point, I realize when I wake up, I can choose to get out of bed and make myself a success or failure. Do I still have bad days? Um yes. But I still push myself to get the projects done and to go to work. I soon see a pattern and a change in my behavior doing this. I feel better and more productive.

So now, finishing up school and getting ready for grad school. I meet someone (more like we were childhood friends, who never realized we loved each other) who is weird, funny and has a smart ***** mouth like me. We love each other. She wants to join in my life and get her grad degree too. We have talked about going into the peace corps where she can do medical and I can teach English.

So for those you reading this and going through a hard time. Remember, so many factors go into place where your situation falls. Some biological, some psychological, some environment. But remember, ultimately if you want peace in your life, you going to have to do the work to help get you there. One thing I have learned counseling. There are people out there that want someone to fix all their problems. I used to be like that. But I come to learn it really quite annoying to be needy 24/7. Instead, try this. Teach yourself to love yourself first. Here is the thing. If you can not learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are, you won't be able to love others to the extent that they need it. Some people might say, this person hurt me. That's fine. Hate that person as much as you want, let it create flames in your eyes. But do not take it out on yourself or the rest of the world. That is spreading hatred and your only accomplishing what that person wanted in the first place. Be smart, wake up, see people for they are. Don't put yourself in a situation when someone just because you don't want to feel lonely or accepted. F*** that. The most important person in your life is you when your comfortable being alone, that means you learned to love yourself.

I bet a lot of you have dreams. But you hide them under excuses, labels, disabilities, and lack of confidence. Dreams don't die. You can't kill your dreams. They are always going to be living inside you fighting for life, and the moment you decide to chase them. You will experience true joy in life. If you don't have dreams, make some. Start educating yourself until you find something that makes you passionate.
If you do not get pissed off doing something you love, then your not passionate about it.

——I loved what you said. People needed to hear this. I worked for years and received my masters degree tho when I have a bad mixed episode I can’t even do math—at all. Fake it til you make it!!! The only thing I didn’t like was that I do think people should ask for help when they need it. That isn’t just being needy. It’s being logical. You are a living example of that In counseling people. Do you see the irony in that? Yes, we shouldn’t oversimplify what you said, (you mainly meant just get moving) but many of the people in this forum hold back from asking for help. I have done that myself. You know that it’s even hard to move sometimes in depression.