[coolbeans82]

I often feel like I'm two people like the meds make me one way but off them I'm totally different.i feel like a zombie on my meds but I have to keep taking them otherwise I'm just gonna get into trouble

[coolbeans82]

Hey man your ok

[Movingon69]

Have you talked to your pdoc about the zombie feel? Maybe they can try a different route.

[coolbeans82]

Not really I've finally found a mix that's working I dont wanna risk losing the progress I've made an I'm so over trying new drugs these keep my moods an depression down an managed so I don't want to go backwards

I feel like you, coolbeans82. When i was off meds i made so much trouble i'm sure i was headed for jail. But on meds i'm over-sedated. I spend about 12 hours in bed and take at least one long rest on the sofa. I figure i'm not spending money and i'm not eating so that's good. I'm also not living tho. Also like you, i'm reluctant to monkey with my meds as things are going relatively well and i've tried lots and lots of meds. Really, what would i do, anyways? If i was up more hours, that's just more time to be bored. I have enough trouble trying to fill ten hours of wakefulness. I love sleeping!

[Row Jimmy]

I've been going through the same thought process lately. I truly miss being manic - I had that *edge* that allowed me to get things done, meet every challenge that is presented to me, and know exactly what to do and when to do it. Now, I feel like a wilting flower, accepting everything presented to me. But I need to figure out how to manage it. When I was undiagnosed, I was sharp but I was also an asshole. I challenged people to fights, I drank too much, I was unpredictable, and was always headed toward disaster. We all need to sit, contemplate, and figure it out. I am confident there is salvation in the end, the path of healing we are taking is the right road. I couldn't continue living my life crashing into a wall. The challenge is leaving the past behind - what we knew, the familiarity of living - and build a new life. In all honesty, the new life isn't all that bad. I'm more pleasant to be around and the people who love me just like me more. I just need to find a new edge.