Darkening

I'm having dark thoughts. I'm not suicidal, entirely, but I'm not entirely sure I'm safe. I keep having nightmares, even during naps, about ending their pain by ending my pain. These also seem like calming dreams at the same time. I know I'm not thinking clearly. I see my t next week. I've been in a lot of physical pain lately and it's transferring to mental pain. I am losing it slowly. I'm sure everyone is tired of me everywhere, especially here where I let everything out.

Have you seen a doctor about the physical pain? That might be a good idea.

Yeah, twice. Virus of some sort

Virus for the physical pain? What type? Maybe a second opinion? A rheumatologist or something? Physical pain does nothing to help mental pain, IMO.

We are not tired of you, Sorry Shaped!! Never. This is the place to let it out. I hope these thoughts abate soon, but if you're not feeling safe, you know the drill -- hie thee to the ER!

Thanks. I'm supposed to get some alone time soon. We'll see

I'm not tired of you. I relate a lot to your posts and they help me. Could the physical pain be part of depression?

Maybe some of it, but I had a fever, too, recently. I think I'm failing altogether again. My dreams are all of my own death and how peaceful it will be to finally let everything go because I don't have a choice to do so at long last. I'm not afraid of it

I have a lot of dreams about death too. It's a recurring dream. I eventually thought God was telling me that's how I could end my pain as well as the pain I was causing everyone else. I got drunk because I didn't think I could do it sober and go a DWI. Please be careful and get some help. Talk to someone before you get to the poiint where you don't want to be talked out of it. I had so many people ask why I didn't reach out to them. But it was too late. I didn't want to be talked down. I'm actually now grateful I was arrested. I'm glad I didn't kill myself.

I used to be grateful I was alive, but I'm not. I used to feel happy, but I'm not. I used to enjoy things, but I don't. I feel used and a burden, and I'm trying hard not throw myself away, but trash is still just trash. I'm not even really hating or loving right now, I'm self-nihilistic and just don't care. I'm unfeeling in all respects in this precise moment. I'm sure I deserve to feel bad anyway

No one deserves that (as the pot calls the kettle black). Do you have a therapit and/or pdoc? If so, I would really encourage you to get in to see them. I hope you do.

I have both and a regularly scheduled appointment this week. I might not go. I'm tired of all this, and for what? I end up here again anyway