Feeling angry and irritated

I just feel done today, according to the boyfriend I'm irrationally angry and irritated today. I just feel tired of it all, I miss my former job, I miss working. I miss the days where I didn't have to take medication to feel normal. I am sick of medication side effects I am sick of seeing my family doctor every month and sometimes more and him still not able to figure out what is going on with my heart rate and blood pressure. I am sick of this medication circus. I am sick of my father mentioning that maybe it's time to find another job since this is the most stable you have been since July. I still don't feel stable enough to my liking I'm afraid if I do as he expects my first day on the new job I'd erupt at someone being stupid and lose yet another job.

I am sick of every mental health professional dismissing me as stupid because I have a mental illness. I am getting my Bachelor's Degree in Healthcare Management, I am just sick of being dismissed as young and dumb.

I am just fed up with medications, stupid side effects, doctors, therapists, stupid ideas. I just wish I could flush the pills and go back to some form of normal. No I'm not manic or hypomanic, nor do I need to be inpatient, nor am I suicidal. I just have a lot of irritating feelings in my head anyone else have days like today. I am just tired of the whole one step forward and then depression hits and suddenly you are three steps back.

I can relate.


WC

Grrrrrrr

I could have written that about a week ago. Today I’m much better thankfully

Bipolar cycles it’s the only consistent thing it does.

How are you doing today?


WC

Still irritated I’m still having stupid side effects from the uppage of dose, either that or I have developed some kind of ulcer. The boyfriend keeps telling me I need to go see the doc, but I am honestly sick of seeing him even though he’s the only one that has ever properly listened. I’m just sick of constant medication changes, I’ve yet to find one that truly does work for me.

Worst of all a local hospital partnered with the psych office I’ve been wanting to go to, so now it’s no longer a matter of insurance since this place does accept my insurance. I should be happy that maybe now I could have a pdoc, but at the same time I’m reminded of the terrible pdoc I saw that couldn’t even give me a diagnosis and shoved Latuda in my face, which I had a terrible reaction too, and she couldn’t be bothered to care. I’m afraid they are all like this minus the wonderful family doc who bothered to care about the reaction.

So I guess still in the same irritated depressed state, sorry for the long reply.

Thank’s you guys