How to deal with...

I’m not posting this here because I think anyone here is an A hole.

I do try to be polite and respectful of others, but continue to be plagued by A holes

My question is - how do you deal with A holes who refuse to stop their dysfunctional and cruel behaviour?

I think I’d feel somewhat better if I could “improve” in this area. “Growing a thick skin” isn’t helpful to me

Only today I wrote how I think words are important. As of course are actions... Love breeds love... and the opposite too

I select love

I'm sorry to read that you've had to deal with this. I use avoidance and refuse to engage with a-holes. Of course this isn't always possible when they are family members. You have my sympathy FuzzyBear!

I am also sorry you deal with this.

It's hard to change others. I try to change my reaction to some difficult people. It's a challenge!

Much love to you, Fuzzy!




WC

Thank you both

I’m sorry Fuzzy some people just enjoy being jerkwads and I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Like you I tend to choose love. I hope whomever you are dealing with stops being a jerk. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Thanks TheSeaCat, I hope so too

I think a lot of "assholes" actually have personal problems. They treat others with disrespect to either make themselves feel better about negative things going on in their life, or cover up some kind of "flaw" they have. Sometimes they even do it to fit in, but it's because they want to have "friends." They figure they'd have no friends if they didn't act a certain way.

I think assholes need help. I knew a bully in middle school and high school who I found out had a deadbeat dad who treated him like trash. So because his dad treated him like trash, he felt the need to treat other people like trash to make himself feel better. His mom was a lovely person who tried to raise him right, but he was (I think) too upset about his father situation and sometimes his mom couldn't be there for him a lot of the time, so he probably felt alone and upset. He really needed therapy of some sort imo.

I actually think that a lot of assholes need therapy and/or a healthy, effective support system. They have issues that they're not coping with in a healthy way. They let out their frustration on other people instead of, for example, being nice and making nice friends who will support them whenever they're struggling.

Of course, it is frustrating to see someone act line an asshole toward you. It is not fair that they treat you that way by any means. But we do have to remember that they are people like the rest of us and they have their own demons.

I prefer to be nice to bullies and show that I'm not upset by them, because I do know they have their own pain. I also treat people they way I want to be treated, and bullying them back solves no one's problems. That just makes THEM more upset and more likely to lash out.

All in all, they like to see you get upset because that makes them feel better; they know they've "succeeded" in what they're trying to do if you're upset. They stop bothering you once they know you're not going to react toward them. But of course, that means they're moving on to bully someone else to cope with their issues, so that's the sucky part. I want them to get help. I genuinely do. I feel bad for them.

Thanks blue, good post

It's good to feel compassion, but you also need boundaries. There needs to be a point where it's said,"I care but I cannot put up with this for my own health."