[ThursdaysChild]

Hello - this is my first post. I have been managing fairly well and dedicated to always try for my kids and to hopefully be an active part of the world. I have a dear friend who is bipolar, was inpatient but lied to get out. After 2 years she refuses to accept what is true. Her mania is so out of control now that I begged her husband to step up and be honest with her. My question is this - if her unchecked manic rage triggers depression within myself is it best to disengage? I am forgiving by nature but I feel like a deer in headlights when her hateful words have my crying for days. Any opinion or approach to keep my friendship is much appreciated. Thx

[Wild Coyote]

Hi ThursdaysChild,

Welcome to PC!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do jump in and make yourself at home.
I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

It's really tough when a friend is triggering.

I would likely say something positive, mixed with the truth about how her behavior affects me.

Something like: We are good friends and you know I care a lot about you; however, lately I am very upset about your words. I'm wondering if we can talk about any misunderstanding?

Easier said than done, I know!

Again, welcome!


WC

[Fuzzybear]

This is what I would also try to say. If she is really hateful towards you though maybe you need to disengage. I also have had a tendency to try to keep friends even when their words are very hurtful. I hope you can work this out with your friend. Welcome to pc

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's really tough when a friend is triggering.

I would likely say something positive, mixed with the truth about how her behavior affects me.

Something like: We are good friends and you know I care a lot about you; however, lately I am very upset about your words. I'm wondering if we can talk about any misunderstanding?

Easier said than done, I know!

Again, welcome!


WC

[~Christina]

Yes try to be a supportive person of course

But .....

I think that you have to put your self care first when your so involved and being emotional harmed , because you ARE being harmed. Crying for days over it ? No way.... boundaries are needed.

I have known a few people over the years even on here, I have had to take a huge step back and set boundaries.

End point is I have to protect myself or I’m going down to the depths of hell and I don’t need that.

Welcome to PC

Welcome to PC, Thursdayschild!

I agree with Christina's thoughts on it. Sure, support is great if possible, but first and foremost, you need to look out for YOU.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello and welcome to PC

I agree with everyone else says it's good to be supportive but you also need to think about how it is affecting you. If you feel she is hurting your emotions it might be best to take a small break if you are feeling depressed with how things are going.

[Blueberrybook]

It is great that your are supportive, I think if the friend is that triggering and won't listen and get help, you should back away. Let her know you will be there for her once she starts doing better (or relay it to her husband if you just can't talk to her) but that right now her actions are affecting you too much emotionally.

You've got your kids relying upon you, and if your friend triggers depression in you, I think for your childrens' sakes you should disengage for awhile. Even if not for your kids, just for yourself too.