[eye2797]

I recently went through a depressed episode and almost want up in the hospital for wanting to hurt myself.
With some Med adjustment, things seem to be going better. I feel happy but I just don't trust it.
I am afraid to let my emotions out and keep them held back and bottled up. I just want to feel that I can let them out and be real. Laugh talk enjoy time with others but I just keep waiting for the crash.
I am a rapid cycler which I never really kept that in mind until my last doctor's appointment where he reminded me of that several times. I may get two weeks 4 weeks 6 weeks a month. If I look back that my episodes I can see that now.

How do you let yourself feel and not be so scared to let them out and just go along with it?

It really stresses my brain out trying to find the best way to cope.

While in the back of my mind I worry some about things going sideways (mixed is my worst fear), when things are going well, I say enjoy the ride. We don't know how long it will last, so why ruin it, right? Maybe easier said than done, but it might be a helpful thought. Doing our best habits (good sleep, food, taking your meds etc.) can help with stability, and it's also the easiest time to do them, so I guess I'd also recommend that too. It can help us feel more in control, or at least that we're doing our part in maintaining stability, which can help with worry -- we don't feel so powerless. I dunno, maybe I'm riding a little high right now (not hypo, just positive life circumstances), so I hope that doesn't come off badly.

[Wild Coyote]

Do your best to remain stable, or as stable as possible.

Take things a day at a time. Allow yourself to enjoy the good days.

As for expressing your emotions, test it out by allowing yourself to be you. Place value on yourself and on self-expression.

I am sorry for all you have been through. Don't let it damage your self-esteem. I hope you enjoy as much stability as possible.


WC