No one to talk to...

Hi everyone,
I let my mood swings take control of me. Currently I am manic but when I am manic it's weird but I think more about things and realize that I'm actually very unhappy. I don't have a single friend, my mother doesn't care about my situation, my "therapist" has become one of my best friends so I stopped going to her because it wasn't about helping me it was about us being friends. The problem is, she isn't really a friend and she just had a death in the family that I was there a supportive of. I truly believe she's just a bipolar as me. I've let myself become her therapist. I don't talk about me, we help her... Anyway after that rants I wanted to say that I am deeply unhappy. I haven't talked to my 11 year old son in over two months, which missed my birthday. I haven't seen him since May. I have some legal issues with courts and the reason I have PTSD got me in trouble and my ex husband took my son away legally. I cannot see him unless he approves it. It's the same with talking to him. I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest. I've gotten to the point where I would normally delete all this and not say anything but I'm going to try to keep this up. I want to talk to people who can understand. I'm not stable. My medications keep me at a point where I don't get super depressed out loud. Deep inside me I'm depressed but I've been able to ignore it. I'm ignoring everything I feel. I don't know what to do. My psych is trying as hard as he can. I'm lucky that I don't think of harming me or anyone else. Death scares me. Hooray another rant. I hope someone can see this and understand the rants that don't make sense.
Anyone I want to be there for everyone but I'm scared no one is going to be there for me. I'm here if you need it.

welcome to pc ... so sorry your feeling so bad ... feeling alone with no outlets is terrible ...

just let it all out here ... rant as often as you need to ... this is a very supportive forum ... many good people here ...

I am so glad your not at risk ... that was a shame about your T ... I have not had good luck with them either ...

I hope you find friendship and help here ... peace to you ... Tigger..

Welcome to PC! I can understand the feeling of not having anyone to talk to. I used to feel like that a lot before I met my husband. I’m luckier now because even though he died I have his sister and my other sister in law to talk to.

I do hope you get to speak to your son soon.

Please post as often as you like and don’t worry about being supportive to people here. Sometimes we need the support ourselves and when we are feeling better we can give a lot of support too.

A past T of mine was the same: liked to talk about herself to the point where I got frustrated. It turned out that she got another job so i didnt have to quit.

I often think more when I'm manic. It sucks you don't have a therapist you can trust. I haven't found a good therapist in years. I've given up. I'm sorry you're so unhappy. Can you make it so you see your son court supervised? Ask for as much support as you need here. I'm glad you kept this post up.

I have to say thank you to everyone! It's been so long since I actually got replies from people! Reading those responses lifted my heart! I really look forward to becoming a member of this community!

I love you all!

(((yodakitty5)))
Many well thoughts your way. I hope you can find support, whether that's PC or else where.

I hope that your situation with your ex and son gets better .

Therapy can come in many forms, and not always in a doctor's office-- though I have had my own stories with past professionals, but I always try to take something from it all.

Though I do believe it's unacceptable that therapist use their patients as their own therapy; however we are dealing with other humans, even though they have degrees and education.
At times I have felt like if I had a friend or two I wouldn't seek out a therapist and pay them to be my friend in a way.. I am still on my journey with this myself.

Friends are hard to come by for me as well, or at least what I would like as a friend I guess some times. .my last t would ask me "what's a friend to you?".... wish for more bonding, support, hanging out..but perhaps my expectation is too high? Not sure if you relate, ... I've been told those things are acceptable for a friend.

I know there's a meetup app to meet people and do things of similar interst, I have thought of that- still haven't done it but a suggestion perhaps.
"Friends are made by______" ...

Sometimes I overlook friendship. Like work friendships -- if I am honest there's some folks I joke with that I don't joke around with everyone.. and yeah we support each other in the workplace... if I allow it .. there's still days I isolate..

I do enjoy my time alone and even doing things on my own, but still the human nature of wanting a connection still resides...

In my case, I have my ex as a friend for outside of work, I don't have family and he is the closes I have-- even though I felt like we retraumatized ourselves within our relationship due to ignoring ourselves

I struggle with what to do-- what to focus on-- goals -- but I am constantly told those things enhance life.... not sure if that's something that would be a valuable suggestion?

Sorry if this is long and isn't helpful but many well thoughts

I am sorry you are unable to see your son regularly. That really must be tough.

Perhaps you need to get another therapist who can be more professional?

It sounds like you are trying the best you can to attain stability. When you have legal issues and negative things going on in your life, I think it is harder to make close friends because you can end up feeling different or worry about being judged if a stranger or acquaintence knew more about your life.

I have experienced these feelings and will probably never totally overcome it. I wonder if I am too crazy to get any kind of respect because I have not met society's expections. When my mood is positive, I say to myself, "I have changed", "I have healed", "I have overcome" and then other times I ruminate about the same things that went wrong--things that may never change!!!

For me, PC can be a good soundingboard but I find I have the same feelings here as I do in society--I have a tendency to feel like I don't quite fit in. However, it is a good place to experiment with reaching out to others in a safer place where your username is not your real name. Especially if you can be careful not to give out too many personal details about where you live, etc.

((((yodakitty5)))) I'm sorry you've been through so much. Losing your son must have been really hard. I'd suggest to seek out another therapist, if you can... In the meantime, we're here for you, if you want to talk.

I hear you. You are not alone. I’m sorry you are having a tough time. PC is a good place to vent and process things and there are many wonderful people here. Please post as much as you need to.

I’m sorry you had your son taken away. That must be very painful. Hopefully, you will get to see him again soon.

Perhaps another therapist would be more helpful?

Warm wishes and welcome to PC.