[RainbowSadness]

So I've been questioning if I have bipolar two for almost two years now. I let it go for a while but it's been on my mind again lately. My mood swings are getting tiring.

I would go from wanting to break up with my girlfriend one day to considering proposing to her the next. I even brought it up to my mom. I would actually want to break up with her and then be planning to get on a plane and fly to her so I could be with her cause she lived states away. I was 15. I also cheated on her a few times. Not with other girls but with dudes. I would text her acting like I loved her and then not respond to her for up to a month.

When I was going through a bout of depression my therapist convinced me to see a psychiatrist. I refused to see him again after he said one thing I found offensive about me to my mom about school. I later ended up having a crush on him.

I basically dropped out of high school at 15. I haven't gone to school in about a year (I'm currently 16). School is just overwhelming. I can't stand any of the staff, it's too long, work is too hard, it makes me depressed, etc.

When I was in middle school I was going to an online school. I didn't do any of the work and had all F's yet I'd tell people that I was going to Yale and that they'd regret treating me like cr*p when I go off and live this great life someday.

Those are just a few examples. Another big reason I think I have it is I was hospitalized twice. Once when I was 12 and once when I was 14 for being depressive. I have a cousin who's bipolar and she struggled with it in her teens. She was hospitalized for depression too.

I really wanna get this figured out already so maybe I can get figure out how to start feeling better. I've been seeing MFTs for almost a year and it really hasn't done much. Especially since I got a new one which I don't like so far.

It's so exhausting being so problematic. I'm not blind to the fact that I'm really stressing out my parents, that I need an education, that I screw up my relationships. My girlfriend of 3 years just left me for this kinda stuff. I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did. Most of all this mood instability is really taking a toll on me.

I suppose it doesn't really matter if I am bipolar, though. I've brought it up to my old therapist and the woman accessing me at the hospital and they both brushed it off so apparently it's not important *rolls eyes*

[Victoria'smom]

I can’t tell you if you have bipolar. There are concerning behaviors you shared. You need to convince your parents for a developmental psychiatrist evaluation if they can afford it. It’s a 4+ hour exam testing for mental illness, developmental delays, and learning difficulties. Also get a physical exam to make sure nothing is physically wrong. Before going to the evaluation sit down and write down a timeline of your behavior and important events. Make sure you include your sexual behavior. If you write it in a note then you don’t have to share it when your parents are in the room.

As far as school goes, get your GED. Then look into a trade school or part-time college. If you take 2 classes a semester you’ll have a degree in 5 years. The college your in class for 6 hrs and you have homework cross reference what your local community college with Snag One of These 10 High-Paying Jobs With an Associate’s Degree . Trade schools you go all day or half a day but there is no homework, and you get a certificate in a year. Cross reference this list 43 Trade School Jobs Among the Highest Paying Trades with your local tech school. You also have the ability to learn a trade, then work and go to a college if you want to. I only say to go to a trade school or college because minimum wage jobs won’t be able to support yourself.

There is also the option for your parents to apply for disability for you. That will give you medicaid and a few dollars to pay for your medical expenses if you get approved.

Yup, we can't diagnose here. One thing that jumped out at me though was that besides the depression, the other stuff was all turbulence in relationships, how quickly things change to opposites for you and impulsiveness. Might want to read a bit about borderline and see if it resonates with you. Best of luck. Try to be patient though as it can take awhile for them to figure things out.

[~Christina]