[LostItLiz84]

I hate to just drop into the forum as a new person and immediately throw out a question....but here I am.

I’ll try to keep this from being long winded. Short background, I’m 34 living with bipolar 1, on meds for 8 years (mostly) and up until last April in therapy. I wouldn’t call my moods stable but they’ve certainly been less severe. A few hypo episodes that were manageable.

Until this week. I’m having a mixed episode with suicidal ideation and last night in desperation came up with a plan. It scared me. Enough that I broke my number one rule and told my best friend. She immediately came over and sat with me, made me tell her what was going on and set up a safety plan. Great, right?

Except now she knows and her husband knows. And I’m struggling with how to deal with the continuing mixed episode, as well as the guilt and shame of dragging her out of bed to dump my **** on her. My question is how do I stop myself from completely withdrawing because I’m afraid and ashamed that they know?

[liveforsummer]

Welcome to PC!

It sounds like you have a really good friend that she came to you immediately and she helped with a safety plan. You did really well during such a crisis that you reached out for help. Be kind to yourself.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. A warm welcome to PC. It’s good you reached out. If you feel yourself isolating, bring it up with your friend that you’re feeling awkward. She sounds like a good friend and I’m sure she wants the best for you.

[Wild Coyote]

Hello and welcome to PC!

It's absolutely great that you have a question right away! That's what we are here for.

I am having similar difficulties, sorting out just who needs to know and who does not. I am very concerned about this.

I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.
So glad you have made yourself at home!
I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

[wiretwister]

Enough that I broke my number one rule and told my best friend. She immediately came over and sat with me, made me tell her what was going on and set up a safety plan. Great, right?

Except now she knows and her husband knows. And I’m struggling with how to deal with the continuing mixed episode, as well as the guilt and shame of dragging her out of bed to dump my **** on her. My question is how do I stop myself from completely withdrawing because I’m afraid and ashamed that they know?

******************************

doesn't sound like she is ashamed of helping you ... she sounds like a real friend ... believe me real friends are hard to find ... instead of being afraid they know ... be glad ... it sounds like your in a bad place ... let others help you ... if the si returns maybe the er would be a good place ... it is not the time to withdraw ... it is the time to let others help you ... be safe my friend ... Tigger

[still_crazy]

hi. welcome to the forums.

im glad you have a -real- friend. im also 34, and ive found that now...i have a couple real friends, no more fake friends, and im much, much happier this way than i ever was before. true story.

try not to be too hard on yourself. people need people, preferably people who actually care about them, especially during times of stress and such.

breakthrough episodes can be a pain...what to do? I hope things simmer down in your world.

[LostItLiz84]

Thank you all. I haven’t talked to her all day, but she hasn’t reached out either. I guess I’m just spinning and embarrassed.

[Hanzo55]

Originally Posted by LostItLiz84

Thank you all. I haven’t talked to her all day, but she hasn’t reached out either. I guess I’m just spinning and embarrassed.

It probably goes against every natural instinct you have, but the fact is your friends are the ones you rely on in times of need. It sounds like you have a really great friend here, so there is definitely no need to be embarrassed.

And if you're ever in doubt of this, remember that your friend came over to help you and worked with you to set up a plan.

That's *awesome*.

No guilt nor shame. Support. That's what you got here, and will continue to get.

[Blueberrybook]

I agree, you have a wonderful, supportive friend. Could be she's waiting for you to break the ice first after last night?

I'm mixed (have been since late March), and I would LOVE to have such a great friend. You are very lucky

[LostItLiz84]

I went over yesterday afternoon and she dragged me to the gym last night. I didn’t want to go but it was more so we could talk. I went to my pdoc today and am adjusting my meds. I was honest with my pdoc about the episode and the SI, she was concerned but because of the safety plan and support I have in place she didn’t ask me to stay.

Today I’m more irritable and leaning towards the angry side of mania. I have an overnight shift tonight and haven’t slept so that should be interesting. Thank you all for the support and kind words.