[lucymae1]

I am so ashamed. I have Bipolar 2 and don't remember ever doing this before. I have 20 inquiries on my credit report for trying to get loans. I now have 4 payday loans I have to pay off. Thank God it's not huge amounts. Maybe up to $1200 but huge enough. What's wrong with me. I needed the money but not this way. I hate myself for doing this. I've been trying to get on the right meds for years, even tried 14 ect treatments and they didn't work. I am now on Geodon for about 5 weeks and doing better. This impulse I went on was before Thanksgiving.

I'm on disability and work 2 part time jobs. I can't work full time due to anxiety and depression. The depression has been better but sometimes I go into PTSD mode like I am right now. I feel fearful, depressed, don't want to be here. I'm so tired of suffering and doing stupid things like this. The weather is gloomy which doesn't help although even sunshine doesn't help me sometimes.

I just had to talk to someone and get this out. I feel so alone. My boyfriend just left for work and sometimes my abandonment issues come out like right now. I have to calm down.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi lucymae1,
I am sorry you are struggling with this.
It's not uncommon with BP.

So glad you are reaching out!

WC

I relate to the finance worries.

maybe not lones (I don't do lones), but certainly being able to pay for everything

I don't work so I don't get massive amounts of money, yet what I do get has to go on groceries, my tv service, other bills (electricity etc), and I still need to find some money to treat myself

what's worse is when I'm mannic I spend the money I don't have which makes the situation worse

i've already been evicted from one place because I couldn't pay the rent on it

that said I was also in hospital and not sure I'd have been able to anyway

[~Christina]

I have walked myself in to a income problem numerous times , now I just let my husband handle all that. If not for him I would pay all my bills soon as I get paid each month and buy gift cards for groceries for that month and for gas also. Then put any excess money away in a savings acct I can’t have immediate access too.

Maybe it’s something you could try ??

When I get the overwhelming urge to go buy stuff I take 20 bucks to the everything is a dollar store , it gives me my fix.

Just some ideas