[tecomsin]

Did you accept your diagnosis right away or did it take some time?

It took me almost 10 years to accept I have a psychotic disorder (it's either bipolar which I was diagnosed originally with or sza, a more recent suggestion by my pdoc).

I am not really sure why it took so long.

[Victoria'smom]

I've had so many Dx. I don't know what I believe. I might have BP or SzA but the drs can't agree. The zyprexa helps and the limictal I take because it's an odt.

I think I accepted it pretty quickly. In high school there was a rumor going around that I had schizophrenia and I was almost prepared for that dx after seeing a pdoc but I was kinda relieved when he said he thought I had bipolar.

[Unrigged64072835]

I had quite a few other diagnoses beforehand that were harder to accept. Bipolar was rather easy.

[Guiness187055]

It took me about 13 years to finally accept it and start taking meds again.

[~Christina]

About 2 mins , late diagnosis at 43 it explain my life in living color

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

About 2 mins , late diagnosis at 43 it explain my life in living color

That's funny for me. I thought one reason maybe it took me so long is that I didn't get a diagnosis or any hospitalization till age 44. lol.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Idk really. My doctors don’t agree with what my diagnosis even is

[Pookyl]

It took 4 years.
I grieved extensively the loss of my career, the power my career gave me, my smartness etc.
Then the penny dropped because of radical acceptance therapy. I learnt that I can learn to accept my mental illness even if I don’t like it.
My MI is what it is.

[Nammu]

Diagnosis? What diagnosis? *runs off into the night manicly laughing *

[VerMOZZica]

I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety disorder first. It took me some years to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It wasn`t that difficult to accept my diagnoses as to accept the fact that I needed to get help for it.

After about 8 years. Though I don’t think I completely accept it even now.

[Christopher1990]

It was hard accepting in at first, especially at 13 when I had no idea what it was. But, its evident I'm bipolar. I was also given the sza dx but think its bs. I had a psychiatrist in hospital tell me it's like the new trend in psychiatry and that very few people are actually schizoaffective. Told me I had classic bp.
Whatever the case, I'm not normal. And it sucks but its okay.

It happened to various degrees at various times, with periods of forgetfulness (thinking I was over it "like a flu") many times along the way. Despite my official bipolar diagnosis at 32, I only uttered the words "I have manic depression" the first time while sitting in Human Resources with my boss and the director of HR a minute after they threatened to fire me if I didn't get help. That was after six people waged formal complaints against me to HR. The next day I was in the hospital for the first of 10 times. That was at 34.

Acceptance doesn't always fully happen with uttered words. It took years to really accept. I went through stages of bereavement thinking I was the illness. Luckily that passed. It's hard finding the "you" in a lifetime of untreated bipolar. But I did. Maybe around 43 or 44. I accept that I "have" an illness called bipolar disorder (or manic depression), but it no longer has me as it did before.

It's a long history and journey.

pretty quickly.

it used to irk me that no one would see me and diagnose me (because I knew their was something wrong, even if no one could see it). well: my mother had a lot to play in it, she wouldn't let me seek help

so when I was eventually told it was more like a hah, told you so moment

guess the hardest thing to live with is not being able to work.

I mean I'll be honest: if I did, I don't know what I'd do now (with 0 qualifications or experience)

but when I was a kid I did have dreams to become a technitian and a vet and sometimes it does hit home I won't be doing any of those things

[SneakySniper179]

I get it but I don't think I'm psychotic. That's the only aspect I have a problem with. I know I must take meds all the time. But. I know I will one day be a successful person. A walking psychotic crazy millionaire.

.just to see that page again

[jmariah001]

I was diagnosed with recurrent MDD first and then bipolar when I was 24. I always knew something was wrong. So it didn't take me long to accept it. I was just glad to have a name to what was wrong with me. I just wish my mania wasn't the angry kind.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

It happened to various degrees at various times, with periods of forgetfulness (thinking I was over it "like a flu") many times along the way. Despite my official bipolar diagnosis at 32, I only uttered the words "I have manic depression" the first time while sitting in Human Resources with my boss and the director of HR a minute after they threatened to fire me if I didn't get help. That was after six people waged formal complaints against me to HR. The next day I was in the hospital for the first of 10 times. That was at 34.

Acceptance doesn't always fully happen with uttered words. It took years to really accept. I went through stages of bereavement thinking I was the illness. Luckily that passed. It's hard finding the "you" in a lifetime of untreated bipolar. But I did. Maybe around 43 or 44. I accept that I "have" an illness called bipolar disorder (or manic depression), but it no longer has me as it did before.

It's a long history and journey.

I also had periods where I thought maybe I had bipolar then would revert to denial or the belief that I had an epileptic type illness (a neurological rather than a psychiatric illness) because I get strange headaches and can pass out from florescent lights when I am very sick.

It was easier when my pdoc put sza on the table after a decade of a bipolar diagnosis. It seems my psychoses started leaking outside of mood episodes so I am somewhere on the spectrum. But when I am very ill I don't accept that my delusions aren't real so it is a situation without ordinary reality as a firm boundary.

I also got into lots of difficulties at work and ended up being placed onto long term disability rather than fired. But they also barred me from returning to the work place or using the affiliation in any public way. So I was banished but not thrown into what would have been poverty without the disability payments.

I have a had a hard time finding the 'me' in the past decade as my life has more or less fallen apart first with this diagnosis then multiple hospitalizations then losing my ability to work then having police banging on my door multiple times a day for months, then my panicking and not stopping the car for one, which landed me in a forensic psychiatric ward for a month and criminal charges that were eventually dropped, thank goodness.

On top of that i have been dealing with a lung cancer diagnosis and the long term side effects of chemo. So I feel rather lost as a person and the identity I had built over a lifetime has been stripped of me. I don't tell most people I meet about what I used to do because there is so little connection to my present life. But I was an accomplished professional and leader of a team of people.

[wiretwister]

from ip 11/2012 to july 2018 ... almost six years ... now 100% complient for tjhe first time ever ...

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

from ip 11/2012 to july 2018 ... almost six years ... now 100% complient for tjhe first time ever ...

I am also 100% compliant now and need to take an AP for the rest of my life.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I also had periods where I thought maybe I had bipolar then would revert to denial or the belief that I had an epileptic type illness (a neurological rather than a psychiatric illness) because I get strange headaches and can pass out from florescent lights when I am very sick.

It was easier when my pdoc put sza on the table after a decade of a bipolar diagnosis. It seems my psychoses started leaking outside of mood episodes so I am somewhere on the spectrum. But when I am very ill I don't accept that my delusions aren't real so it is a situation without ordinary reality as a firm boundary.

I also got into lots of difficulties at work and ended up being placed onto long term disability rather than fired. But they also barred me from returning to the work place or using the affiliation in any public way. So I was banished but not thrown into what would have been poverty without the disability payments.

I have a had a hard time finding the 'me' in the past decade as my life has more or less fallen apart first with this diagnosis then multiple hospitalizations then losing my ability to work then having police banging on my door multiple times a day for months, then my panicking and not stopping the car for one, which landed me in a forensic psychiatric ward for a month and criminal charges that were eventually dropped, thank goodness.

On top of that i have been dealing with a lung cancer diagnosis and the long term side effects of chemo. So I feel rather lost as a person and the identity I had built over a lifetime has been stripped of me. I don't tell most people I meet about what I used to do because there is so little connection to my present life. But I was an accomplished professional and leader of a team of people.

You have dealt with very heavy burdens.

I have found it to be very difficult to deal with being stripped of an identity.
I am sorry that you, too, have had to come to terms with this and many other experiences.

I am sure you are very accomplished. Your intelligence and your insights come across very clearly in your posts. it's so very difficult to adjust to these types of changes in our lives. So very much to grieve.

I am glad you join in here; you have a lot to offer. I only hope we offer you something helpful in return.


WC

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

You have dealt with very heavy burdens.

I have found it to be very difficult to deal with being stripped of an identity.
I am sorry that you, too, have had to come to terms with this and many other experiences.

I am sure you are very accomplished. Your intelligence and your insights come across very clearly in your posts. it's so very difficult to adjust to these types of changes in our lives. So very much to grieve.

I am glad you join in here; you have a lot to offer. I only hope we offer you something helpful in return.


WC

Thanks for your kind words and all the kindness you share here with so many on this site. It is my last refuge when I feel all alone with my troubles. I also participate on a lung cancer forum but am wondering if it is really a good idea or not. Maybe I am cured of lung cancer. All I can do though is just go to my now yearly scans and hope for the best. I also came remarkably close to being locked up for a long time, or losing my ability to drive or manage my own affairs. So each day I have is kind of a blessing, because it could be so much worse. On the other hand, i am remarkably alone. It is basically the story of my life.

I feel like that aloneness is not really the bipolar because so many people on here manage to maintain good relationships, have friends and partners and so on.

WC, I am sorry that you also have experienced being stripped of your identity. If I want to see what I used to be all I have to do is type my real name into google and then I can see some of what I used to be, an accomplished scientist with over 100 peer reviewed publications. I was an over-achiever as a child and lived my dream in a way, until it all came crashing down.

That's why I always use pseudonyms when I write about other topics. I don't want all that I did to be buried by stories about my . mental illness or lung cancer.

I think my catastrophic disconnect between my past and my future is not only alienating from other people but also alienating from myself. If I had a strong sense of identity I would have goals and dreams again. I would have a few friends I could count on.

[MickeyCheeky]

Sending many hugs to everyone

[Under*Over]

I still havent accepted it. But tons of people have been telling me I have been acting odd and I also recognize that most people dont hallucinate and fight not to believe... thoughts they know sound a bit... hard to believe.

So maybe Im sick. But Im not entirely convinced Im like... I have what they are telling me I have.