[Wander]

POSS TRIGGER - SI

For those who have been keeping up with my T dilemma; T hadn't contacted me by midday. I couldn't stand it any longer and contacted him. He told me if I didn't trust him not to come to out appointment and go to pdoc. I told him I don't trust pdoc, or practically anyone else and am terrified I will not make it.

He had to go to a meeting but called me four hours later. I didn't know what to say as I was so scared. He told me he would really like me to come tomorrow but cannot make me. I was so thankful he didn't send the cops then and there I agreed to go. Even though I don't trust him I feel I have no other option at this point. Without help I will die, and if this is the wrong help at least I tried. I want to live but sense I am doomed this time.

[Polibeth]

On Prednisone due to asthma flare-up - need I say more

[Sunflower123]

Doxepin is working. My thought processes are getting clearer (can tell by my Lumosity scores). Feeling refreshed. Hallelujah! It seems like a lot of us here struggle with sleep problems.

No snow! I know some of you are sick of it but I was really looking forward to a blizzard here. I wish you could send all of it here.

Sending warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m in so much pain I’m about to cry. My back is hurting so much. I wanted to wait until June to get surgery done so I wouldn’t have to miss work but I’m not sure I can hold out that long. I might be better in a few days because I know I aggravated it axe throwing in Saturday so maybe it will get better and I will be able to stand the pain again. Right now I’m at a nine out of ten.

I have a test in about half an hour that will determine whether it is more joint pain or disc pain. If it is joint pain I have the option of a radio frequency ablation, where they go in and burn the nerve that is sending pain signals to the brain. But that doesn’t take care of the actual problem of the herniated disc. And it only works for six months to a year. I don’t think that’s even worth it. I’d rather do the surgery and get permanent (hopefully) relief than have the same pain six months from now. But at this point I’ll do anything.

Ugh I hope somehow this can be fixed.

I have the RF ablation for my back every year. It’s not a cure-all and I still have breakout pain, but it’s better than what it was. My discs haven’t herniated so that’s my only option. I hope you get the surgery though.

[pirilin]

Eyelid operation day.

I'm scared. Sort of. Not of the operation itself.
But of having to sleep on my back.
And the pain. If any.
I hope to greet, at least, one of the Perco brothers.
I have a very short threshold for pain. Nill.

It's also of worry not to be able to close my eyes fully, permanently.

This will be the second operation in 69 years. The other was the apendix. At 9.
Althought they have welded my retinas three times. Pain man. Pain.

I'm counting on luck and prayers. Not necessarily in that order.
If you have any to spare, don't be bashfull.

This may be the last time I can type.
No, not the eyelids. Arthritis, hahaha.

Good luck.

Cheers.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Doxepin is working. My thought processes are getting clearer (can tell by my Lumosity scores). Feeling refreshed. Hallelujah! It seems like a lot of us here struggle with sleep problems.

No snow! I know some of you are sick of it but I was really looking forward to a blizzard here. I wish you could send all of it here.

Sending warm wishes and hugs to all.

Ooo a ossowo lot tsa presto .........didn't work the snow is still here. I tried. *Shrugs*

I just got back from my first meeting with my potential new psychologist (therapist). My first impression was fairly good. I have an appointment to meet with her again next Tuesday.

I still have an appointment set for next Friday with my most recent therapist.The one I'd like replaced. If all goes well with the potential new one on Tuesday, I'll call the other one and tell her I've found someone else. Of course I have to figure out exactly what I will say. It's always a bit awkward, and since the therapist I want to replace is a nice lady, I want the call to be as gentle as possible.

I see my psychiatrist today. I think he will roll his eyes when I tell him I'm starting to see a new therapist. It's an odd thing. I have been going to my psychiatrist for over 13 years, but during those 13 years I've had about 10 different therapists, excluding the ones at IOPs. I saw a couple of those 10 for more than three years. I quit/left almost all, except a 5.5 year therapist who retired, and a much shorter period therapist who had to move her office far away. I really need to find someone I like and feel comfortable with again. I need to make progress.

Anxious and confused. I don't know what I want!! I got a call back from one of the jobs I applied for, and now I'm not sure if I really want it. It's WAAAAY closer, which is good, but it'd be working with the public again, and I've managed to escape that for a number of years now. Do I really want to deal with that again??! Also, I am apprehensive about hours. And they like to assign short shifts. Sounds great, but then I'd probably be working 7 days a week (with my internship thing added in). ACK!!!!

What to do? I let a call go to vm, suspecting it was them. Now I have to call them back, lol (that's the yucky part of screening ). I'll go in. It would involve meeting my prospective manager. Might be able to pick up some vibes there. Still, I was secretly hoping they'd pass me over so I wouldn't have to deal with decision-making.

I keep thinking it might be better to stick where I am for now.

Going to the internship orientation today, so that's cool.

IOP says "fake it til you make it" to get out of slump of depression and anger.
How do I fake not being suicidal and paranoid? How do I pretend to not cry when I'm inside screaming? And does this even work? I have a feeling if pretending to not be bipolar made people better, this forum wouldn't be here and my doc would be out of a job.

today an old friend came to visit me which was nice. she baught me some more lipstick (red lipstick). I also got a delivery from my friend sophie. she ordered me an amazon alexa, because she knows how much I like music. I've been having a lot of fun this afternoon exploring it's many features (I still have to email her and thank her for the gift)

Originally Posted by spikes

IOP says "fake it til you make it" to get out of slump of depression and anger.
How do I fake not being suicidal and paranoid? How do I pretend to not cry when I'm inside screaming? And does this even work? I have a feeling if pretending to not be bipolar made people better, this forum wouldn't be here and my doc would be out of a job.

I never liked that "fake it til you make it" crap. Though I do believe that pushing oneself to do normally pleasurable activities can help at times (to varying degrees). Pretending to feel how you don't feel has always been impossible for me. I like to be honest with myself and the people I care about that care about me.

Sometimes those types of phrases are helpful and sometimes they're not. I know they can piss me off sometimes. The phrase "This, too, will pass" can be annoying to hear, but the fact is is that it is almost always true. In the meantime, please try to distract yourself in some way with things that either usually give you pleasure, or are some kind of relatively safe and healthy release. Writing, dancing, playing or cuddling with a pet, playing a favorite album, looking at photos of things/people that are positive, eating that donut or cookie anyway, taking a walk, or whatever you can think of that is positive. Try it! Or sometimes stuff like loading the dishwasher (as unromantic as that sounds) can at least provide a teeny weeny feeling of accomplishment, which may help.

If you truly can't get out of bed or do self care, or if you are still struggling at a job or to manage daily tasks, don't be hard on yourself. Please. It's OK when we can't do things when we're ill. Be kind to yourself.

Things are really happening today for me. I went to see a new psychologist today and have another appointment for next week. I got home and had a message from yet another prospective psychologist. I'm glad I only called two! My husband thinks that I should make an appointment with this second psychologist that called back, as well. I know that some therapists hate when you "two time", but they don't have to know. What I did do was call the therapist I had been seeing (and wanted to replace) to cancel my upcoming appointments. It's an awkward thing to do. I confess that I made up a little white lie, but I only did so because I thought it would be a kinder gentler way of ending the relationship. I did ask her to call me to confirm she got my message. If she asks questions, I'll try to just repeat what I said in my voicemail. I definitely don't want to be grilled on why I'm quitting her. She's a nice woman, just not a good match for me.

I saw my psychiatrist today, too. I just adore that man! I've known him for over 13 years. He was the first hospital psychiatrist I ever had (my first psych hospitalization). It was instant liking! Almost like a Cupid's arrow type situation. At the time, I was sad thinking I'd never see him again. Then a year later, after an IOP, my IOP therapist at the time suggested seeing him (that psychiatrist) at his private practice. He's been my psychiatrist since. I thought he would roll his eyes today when I told him I was changing therapists, but he didn't. I was in a jovial mood. He seemed in a good mood, too. He's almost like a father. A really super beloved father. Or maybe even a type of substitute for my mother, who I lost 13.5 years ago. Though he's not exactly like my mother personality-wise. I know he also has a soft spot for me. If my husband and I do move to Europe in a couple of years, I will grieve the loss of this psychiatrist from my life. Though I do love my actual father, my psychiatrist knows me much better and is a softer kind of fellow, figuratively.

[winter loneliness]

Fine day so far. I had been a bit sad over the weekend. (situational) Met with 2 old friends for dinner. Catching up, complaining about getting older. I was down about my health. Bipolar is OK for the moment, but my MS gets me down. It made me realize that I always put on a brave front. When I am depressed or worried, I don't really get a lot of support. Oh well. I have been strong so far, just have to keep it up.

[Wander]

I am terrified of seeing my T today.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Thank you I needed that laugh; I did good last week but yeah I'm pretty much a mess.


How are you doing?

Moved about a hundred pieces of lumber yesterday so today my body is a train wreck.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Polibeth

On Prednisone due to asthma flare-up - need I say more

Day 5 I stop sleeping so it’s either breath or losing my Bipolar shyt.

Both options suck. I hope your feeling better soon

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Doxepin is working. My thought processes are getting clearer (can tell by my Lumosity scores). Feeling refreshed. Hallelujah! It seems like a lot of us here struggle with sleep problems.


No snow! I know some of you are sick of it but I was really looking forward to a blizzard here. I wish you could send all of it here.


Sending warm wishes and hugs to all.

So glad the Doxipin is working it’s part of a normally effective sleep that gives me a somewhat steady sleep.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by pirilin

Eyelid operation day.


I'm scared. Sort of. Not of the operation itself.

But of having to sleep on my back.

And the pain. If any.

I hope to greet, at least, one of the Perco brothers.

I have a very short threshold for pain. Nill.


It's also of worry not to be able to close my eyes fully, permanently.


This will be the second operation in 69 years. The other was the apendix. At 9.

Althought they have welded my retinas three times. Pain man. Pain.


I'm counting on luck and prayers. Not necessarily in that order.

If you have any to spare, don't be bashfull.


This may be the last time I can type.

No, not the eyelids. Arthritis, hahaha.


Good luck.


Cheers.

Good luck my friend !! Everything will be ok

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I just got back from my first meeting with my potential new psychologist (therapist). My first impression was fairly good. I have an appointment to meet with her again next Tuesday.

I still have an appointment set for next Friday with my most recent therapist.The one I'd like replaced. If all goes well with the potential new one on Tuesday, I'll call the other one and tell her I've found someone else. Of course I have to figure out exactly what I will say. It's always a bit awkward, and since the therapist I want to replace is a nice lady, I want the call to be as gentle as possible.

I see my psychiatrist today. I think he will roll his eyes when I tell him I'm starting to see a new therapist. It's an odd thing. I have been going to my psychiatrist for over 13 years, but during those 13 years I've had about 10 different therapists, excluding the ones at IOPs. I saw a couple of those 10 for more than three years. I quit/left almost all, except a 5.5 year therapist who retired, and a much shorter period therapist who had to move her office far away. I really need to find someone I like and feel comfortable with again. I need to make progress.

Sounds good that you first meeting went well.

Id just be honest and tell her your really like her but it’s just not a good fit. T’s are use to changing clients.

[Victoria'smom]

I see T tomorrow. I'm preparing to tell her I lied to her 2 weeks ago. For reasons of avoiding the hospitalization I only told partial truth and even that was hard for me to do. I really want to avoid having a real conversation about this. Can’t we all be grateful that this passed and I didn’t need hospitalization and never talk about it again? It’s embarrassing as hell. I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed when I wasn’t with my last three T’s. At the same time she’s the first T that I felt wasn’t squishy and I felt possibly could help since WV T.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Anxious and confused. I don't know what I want!! I got a call back from one of the jobs I applied for, and now I'm not sure if I really want it. It's WAAAAY closer, which is good, but it'd be working with the public again, and I've managed to escape that for a number of years now. Do I really want to deal with that again??! Also, I am apprehensive about hours. And they like to assign short shifts. Sounds great, but then I'd probably be working 7 days a week (with my internship thing added in). ACK!!!!


What to do? I let a call go to vm, suspecting it was them. Now I have to call them back, lol (that's the yucky part of screening ). I'll go in. It would involve meeting my prospective manager. Might be able to pick up some vibes there. Still, I was secretly hoping they'd pass me over so I wouldn't have to deal with decision-making.


I keep thinking it might be better to stick where I am for now.


Going to the internship orientation today, so that's cool.

Yasssssssss! Dilemma indeed.

I think I’d go just to get a feel about the place. People can really suck , but less of a commute, tough decision.

How did orientation go ??

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Moved about a hundred pieces of lumber yesterday so today my body is a train wreck.

Oh goodness; I am so very sorry. That has to be painful; I am sending you a very gentle hug.

[~Christina]

Yesterday my husband and I moved a mountain of lumber. So today I am paying the huge price, but it had to be done and we have no family to help us. He’s on oxygen at night only ( thank god) but he runs out of air pretty quick if he’s working like yesterday.

My left shoulder is still frozen ( yesterday hasn’t helped) I have been very dedicated to my exercises, yet nothing. When will I notice any kind of change???? I’m getting really tired of this nonsense.

I see my T Richard tomorrow, a much needed session as the PTSD is coming back up to much. Maybe another hypno session is needed to tame the beast again for a while ???

Otherwise my life is just as boring as per its norm.

What's with the new "mentioned" and "tagged" things? I'm going to mention myself

@bluebicycle

Anyway, overall ok day. TMI, but I took four sh_ts today. I must've been really "backed up" from the meds causing constipation.

It's supposed to snow a lot tonight into tomorrow morning, but I have to move my car by 7:45am so the complex can plow the parking lot. *joy* I was going to take the day off from work, too, so that I could sleep in.

I also had one of those nasty little hangnails on my middle finger on my right hand.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I hope everyone had a good Tuesday. I had a much better than yesterday. The first thing I did was take everything off my desk and scrub it down with my own cleaner. I did it yesterday before I left but I'm not any changes of my rash getting worse. So deep cleaned everything including my keyboard. I wore a cardigan so when I had to talk to a patient about an issue my arm was covered so they didn't stare grossly at the rash. I'm still rather mad about it.

After work I went to have my hair redone; I typically get it recolored every five to six weeks; so tonight was time to get it touched up. I just love my stylist he is wonderful and I will go to no one else; he is my all time favorite. So my hair is nice and happy; R and I made appointment for facials on Thursday and I am so excited; I do really good on my skin care but there is just something so relaxing about a facial not to mention I can never recreate the glowing skin that a facial gives. So I'm excited to just get papered.

Hugs to everyone