i'm back

Well, i'm back and feeling as sh!))y as ever. The Wellbutrin wore off. I felt pretty good for a nice long while there, about three months. I felt better from the first dose. I had wicked insomnia in the beginning. Wellbutrin dragged me kicking and screaming into the daylight. But i settled into a healthy regular night's sleep eventually, getting up at 6:00am.


I had a really good time and competed in three Scrabble tournaments -- something i've been wanting to do for 15 years. One was even in Toronto, so i had a weekend away. I hadn't left the city limits in over a decade. I had a super good time at the tournament and met a really nice guy but he was married so that went no where but it was still good to meet someone interesting. My hotel was scrumptious, just a marvel of luxuries.

I fixed up my place and got a lot done, in general. I attended three meetups -- something i had been too anxious to do before Wellbutrin. I learned how to watch TV online and cut my cable, sold my PVR and am getting service from a bargain Internet Service Provider and saving piles. My Scrabble mate just f*(k!ng gave me a cell phone, so now i have an emergency phone too. I really put a lot of energy out and enjoyed myself.

But it's all turning to sh!) now. I've had some really unbearable episodes of rage recently and it's getting to be a daily thing. I feel cranky, irritable, lonely, frustrated and angry. I've managed to keep my temper but i am exploding with rage in my journal.

I think i'm in the Special Hell of switching from high mood to low mood. I turned my alarm off for tomorrow morning and i am going to start sleeping-in again and if it ruins my life, who cares? I don't.

I don't feel i can go in for a med tweak because i'm not severely depressed yet, just mildly depressed but mostly irritable and angry. I know once i'm thru the switch i'll be okay. I guess it was just a hypomanic episode. I thought i'd finally found the cocktail that worked but nope.

Welcome back.

Sounds like you'd had a very good time. The tournaments sound interesting.

The mood change must be very disappointing.

Please take care.


WC

I'm not sure what's happening because i feel good today. Perhaps i just pressed the panic button when i thought that my Wellbutrin pooped out on me. Maybe yesterday was just a bad day after an upsetting weekend. The weather was terrible yesterday also -- icy, windy and cold. I didn't get outside with my dog and my neighbor and her dog which is always a highlight of my day, we have such fun playing Fetch with the dogs and watching them race after the ball. Today was nice and mild tho overcast and we got out as per usual and had a great time.

I slept in til 9:30am tho. I don't like to see that. But i ate well today -- made myself a proper dinner of a Jamaican patty, savory veggies, baked potato and chocolate ice cream drumstick. I enjoyed it.

I did my physical therapy and enjoyed it. I showered. I did recycling and composting. I got some groceries which always makes me feel more at ease, knowing i have food security and that my home will run smoothly.

So, maybe i'm going to be okay after all...

I hope you are okay. Wishing you well.