When i was out with my neighbor (the one i've started feeling really close to) she asked me where my brothers lived. Now, i told her before about my brother committing suicide. It's been the defining event of my life and i rarely tell anyone. And she showed by her question that she didn't remember.

I've learned not to react when people show they don't remember. I had an airhead psychiatrist that forgot once. My neighbor is 67 so maybe she's having some memory issues. The bright side is that i don't have to be ashamed of things i regret saying around her because she doesn't remember anyways.

Still, i feel a little disappointed by her inattention. I feel a little invisible and like i can't make myself understood so why try.

[Lefty Seven]

Expecting people to be mindful of or sensitive to your vulnerabilities will be disappointing.

[Travelinglady]

I think it was likely a memory issue, since she's 67. Everyone I know around that age has memory problems.

[sarahsweets]

Maybe she meant one brother instead of 'brothers'?

Originally Posted by whatever2013

When i was out with my neighbor (the one i've started feeling really close to) she asked me where my brothers lived. Now, i told her before about my brother committing suicide. It's been the defining event of my life and i rarely tell anyone. And she showed by her question that she didn't remember.

I've learned not to react when people show they don't remember. I had an airhead psychiatrist that forgot once. My neighbor is 67 so maybe she's having some memory issues. The bright side is that i don't have to be ashamed of things i regret saying around her because she doesn't remember anyways.

Still, i feel a little disappointed by her inattention. I feel a little invisible and like i can't make myself understood so why try.

a lot of people I know know that me and my family don't have any contact and don't get on

yet when a problem comes up they always say to me.. well why don't you talk to your family about it?

it's kind of triggering for me- family is a triggering issue anyway, so being told to talk to them after I've not talked to them for many years because of abuse seems really wrong.

plus it feels that person is running away and doesn't really want to listen

Originally Posted by whatever2013

My neighbor is 67 so maybe she's having some memory issues. The bright side is that i don't have to be ashamed of things i regret saying around her because she doesn't remember anyways.

Still, i feel a little disappointed by her inattention. I feel a little invisible and like i can't make myself understood so why try.

Maybe try not thinking of it as inattention would help some in not spiralling the thought/taking it personally (like to your feeling invisible and "why try" etc.). Especially since she does probably have some memory issues and not remembering is not the same as not caring/listening.

(Like, I have a terrible time with names. Doesn't matter how much attention I pay when I hear it. Eventually I'll probably get it, but even then I will forget it in the moment. Introductions? I just hope they'll do it themselves(!) I even would forgot my ex-h's name and we were together for 25 years! )

[liveforsummer]

I forget important things people tell me sometimes. I feel bad about it when it comes up again in conversation. It’s unintentional. Others forget what I’ve said too (I’m worse though).
It sounds like your neighbour does care as you are enjoying spending time together.

PI'm sorry your friend seemed to forget such an important thing. What you need to remember is that she likely didn't forget it because she didn't think it was significant or doesn't care. She just forgot. That's it. I only defend her because I forget a hell of a lot of important things. I have almost forgotten my husband's birthday on a few occasions. I have forgotten my siblings and my dad's birthdays until days after. I even once forgot my own birthday until my husband presented presents to me. I have no clue in what months or years three of my grandparents died in. I only remember when my paternal grandmother died because she died on my 30th birthday. I tend to be a very distractable person who hyperfocuses on certain things at the detriment of others. The does get me in trouble A LOT!!!! I try to work hard at improving this, but I obviously have not totally improved.

Perhaps the second time reminding your friend about certain things will be the most effective time.

If you asked me how many years ago my mom died, I'd not be 100% sure. I'd have to look it up to be 100% sure. 14 or 15 or 16 years ago? I think I remember the date she died. September 7th? Remembering such horrible "anniversaries" is not a high priority for me and September 7th usually passes without me remembering it. I do feel bad if her birthday passes without me remembering, but that doesn't mean I don't think about my mom every day and love her intensely. I think about my nephew every day, too. He died by suicide in June 2017. I forget the exact date. I often write about my "nephews" in the present tense, even though only my eldest nephew is living. I also refer to my childhood home as "my parents' house", even though only my dad lives there. I just hate the feeling of excluding them.

I, obviously, have some negative aspects, like above. But I also have some very positive ones. For example, I am not a grudge holder. Not at all!

[winter loneliness]

Very often people do not pick up on specific details and speak "off the cuff'. I have done this unintentionally.

[pirilin]

People hear. But really don't care.
To make your point, raise the tone of your voice. Or scream.
That will get their attention.

Is it really important to you to be listen to?.
I don't care. About people or what they think.
Or can do for me.

I just let it go. Whatever comes to mind. Good or bad.
Yesterday, I called one of my few friends a freeloader.
Several times. Because he is. He didn't like it.
Hanged up the phone. I called again.
Shouted FREELOADER!!! and they I hanged up.

Is he mad?. Maybe. But he is a freeloader.
And it bothered me at that moment.
Even if he wasn't taking anything from me at the time.

He has two choices, keep being friends, or I get rid of a freeloader.
Life is simple. We complicate it.

Cheers.