[cashart10]

Not even sure how many my pdoc meant when she told me to use them for my mania but I’ve popped several already today. They seem, to me at least, to be keeping my mind from uncontrollable frequencies. I have been outside playing in the snow most of the morning with my kids. Now, after more Klonapin, I am listening to my song on repeat again. Now I feel very afraid not to have it on. I slept a bit more last night because I laid back down around 4 or so but my sleep even then was very broken. I have no clue how much sleep I did get. My mania has been getting so much worse as the day progresses so I am hoping we won’t see that again. When I even think about going to work on Monday I feel petrified with fear. But for now at least I am going to try to use up some of this energy to finish cleaning my house.

[wildflowerchild25]

Be careful with the klonopin my friend. Tou could accidentally overdose. I was doing the same thing with Ativan during my last depression. Just be careful ok!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Not even sure how many my pdoc meant when she told me to use them for my mania but I’ve popped several already today. They seem, to me at least, to be keeping my mind from uncontrollable frequencies. I have been outside playing in the snow most of the morning with my kids. Now, after more Klonapin, I am listening to my song on repeat again. Now I feel very afraid not to have it on. I slept a bit more last night because I laid back down around 4 or so but my sleep even then was very broken. I have no clue how much sleep I did get. My mania has been getting so much worse as the day progresses so I am hoping we won’t see that again. When I even think about going to work on Monday I feel petrified with fear. But for now at least I am going to try to use up some of this energy to finish cleaning my house.

Do you keep track of the klonopin so you will recall just when you took it and how much you took?
I find writing it down very helpful, especially if I am having a hard time.

It's great you've enjoyed time in the snow with your children!

When you've finished cleaning your house, could you come and clean mine? Lol.

I hope your med increases are helping.


WC

[~Christina]

Please becareful .... it’s easy to forget when you have taken them. I agree with WC , write the time down.

Glad you spent time in the snow with your kids, great way to burn off some energy.

Stay safe

[cashart10]

Thank you guys! I did keep track of them. I took 3 1/2 today. I was researching Rod Stewart and wondering if he would like to meet me if I went to London. After all of you telling me to go ahead and call my pdoc again, my husband insisted so I did. She put me back on Navane (I haven’t taken it in over a year) and told me to stay home from work for a few days and follow up on Monday. She told me I can take up to 6 klonapin a day until I come down.

My husband wanted me to go out to eat with some of our friends to celebrate one of their birthdays and at first I said no but he encouraged me to get out of my own world and go. So, I took some klonapin and went. At first, it was horrendous. I was suffocated by the noises and felt like I was in another reality. I was giggling nervously and talking (or rambling) quickly when I wasn’t staring the room down trying to find something that seemed real. I know I acted like a lunatic. Very thankfully, my girlfriend also has bipolar disorder and my husband had told them ahead of time that I’m not well. She tried very hard to gain my focus, even offering me her emotional support animal and between her and the klonapin, it actually turned out great.

I have now taken all of the meds. I took the extra 200 MG of Seroquel, the Navane and some more Klonapin. I’m not tired yet though. I am trying not to listen to Rod Stewart anything but I feel like I physically need to. Right now I’m listening to a whiter shade of pale instead. My mind is racing still but I feel like they are not as fleeting and I don’t feel frantic for the time being. I hope that is a good sign and not just a lucky day because I really don’t wish to completely lose touch with reality. I feel like my kids are at a stage now that it would really traumatize them, especially if I am hospitalized. My daughter already asked me earlier today when I was cleaning why I told her she couldn’t turn the song off. She said she couldn’t stand to hear it one more time and I just told her I needed it right now. She couldn’t understand and was very irritated. She was also irritated when I seemed aloof about my son hitting her in the eye with the doll. I was definitely NOT aloof, it was just more than I could handle. She keeps asking me if I am okay. Why are you looking like that? You don’t look like yourself. She is perceptive and I am fooling no one even if I try.

[cashart10]

I am listening to the song again. I told my husband I wouldn’t. But, I feel like it is my flesh. I feel guilty. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. But, I just need this song.

[Victoria'smom]

How old are your kids?

[cashart10]

11, 8, & 5

[Victoria'smom]

I think they're old enough to learn the basic glossed over version of bipolar.

[cashart10]

You’re right. My oldest does know all about it. She says she wants to be a scientist so she can learn about it and help find a cure. But, that doesn’t mean seeing me unwell isn’t really scary and upsetting to her. Especially when I have been so stable and our lives have been so incredibly normal for so long. My son is mildly autistic and doesn’t understand empathy. Not only does he not understand, he also doesn’t notice. Unless I do something drastic, that is. And, I do think my youngest is a little young. I know that I am shaking the ground in my house right now. I hope that I have enough interventions to keep me from slipping into total madness.

[Victoria'smom]

I would tell your daughter your not feeling well but your dr is helping you.

When I went IP I told my son that they wanted to do med changes that my dr couldn't do fast enough. Yes it's scary for kids to deal with bipolar but it's much scarier to not know what's going on.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Compared to how things went with prior episodes I think you deserve a reward. You have been so good with self-care this time and in the past you've not always wanted that. You've called the pdoc (who is not ridiculous which I'm sure helps immensely) and accepted help from your mom and husband.

You've kept self-awareness this time too and that's really good. I think you are fighting hard and will be ok. I Hope the navane (and other adjustments if she made them; can't remember) help you sleep.

[sophiebunny]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Not even sure how many my pdoc meant when she told me to use them for my mania but I’ve popped several already today. They seem, to me at least, to be keeping my mind from uncontrollable frequencies. I have been outside playing in the snow most of the morning with my kids. Now, after more Klonapin, I am listening to my song on repeat again. Now I feel very afraid not to have it on. I slept a bit more last night because I laid back down around 4 or so but my sleep even then was very broken. I have no clue how much sleep I did get. My mania has been getting so much worse as the day progresses so I am hoping we won’t see that again. When I even think about going to work on Monday I feel petrified with fear. But for now at least I am going to try to use up some of this energy to finish cleaning my house.

My psychiatrist uses a combination of extra risperdal and klonopin every four hours for mania. If your symptoms get worse call your psychiatrist back. Keep her in the loop. You probably aren't the best judge of how impaired you are. Rely on your husband's input.

bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features
lithium, lamictal, risperdal, seroquel, and klonopin only when manic

[liveforsummer]

hugs

[BeyondtheRainbow]

How are you today cashart?

[~Christina]

Feeling any better ?

[cashart10]

The new med combo made me sleep. It was hard to fall asleep and I woke a bunch through the night but I didn’t officially get up until around 9:15. That’s when I took my meds, including my new Navane prescription and some Klonapin. Well, I fell back asleep at 11 and slept until 3:30! My mom and dad took the kids to their house because my husband was also sleeping (he works 3rd shift Sunday nights). I did feel much better but my anxiety (which usually only accompanies mania for me) was pretty severe on and off. I currently feel extremely uneasy. I was still petrified about going to work so I went ahead and planned on taking off tomorrow like my pdoc said and I told my principal I may be off for a few days depending on how the med changes go. My mom is also insisting that I come over and spend the day with her after I get the kids on the bus. She said she doesn’t want me listening to music. I kind of want to be alone but I understand that is probably the better decision so I guess I’ll go. For now though, I’m listening to my song. And I don’t ever want to stop.

[cashart10]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Compared to how things went with prior episodes I think you deserve a reward. You have been so good with self-care this time and in the past you've not always wanted that. You've called the pdoc (who is not ridiculous which I'm sure helps immensely) and accepted help from your mom and husband.

You've kept self-awareness this time too and that's really good. I think you are fighting hard and will be ok. I Hope the navane (and other adjustments if she made them; can't remember) help you sleep.

Thank you so much! You are so sweet!

[sarahsweets]

i would be careful. The thing about Klonopin is that it has a really really long half life. So if you take too much of it, it will catch up to you and it could really zonk you. When I was having some major issues with agoraphobia years ago I was able to take PRN xanax and it was rx's in the .5 mg doses. I was able to take up to 4 in a day which is still only 2mg. My husband helped manage it because it affected my short term memory and it was easy to forget I took some already. Something I learned in the recovery community is that when you overdo it on benzo's you get past the point of being a slug an slurring your words. Its almost like it has the reverse effect and can cause some people to be combative, contrary and almost.. nasty-sort of. I have seen it over and over where someone would show up to a meeting looking super out of it and slurring and nodding and then when you gently as about it they become intensely defensive- almost argumentative. I am not saying this is the case with you, just something to consider.