[Victoria'smom]

I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to burden my husband more than I already do. I don’t think I’m depressed but I’m sick of watching people be happy when smiling is hard for me.Not because I’m in a bad mood or anything it’s just I’m low key. Smiling is the closest to laughing I do and I’m not animated at all. Except when I take ambien (which I do not take unless it’s 3 am and I can’t fall asleep.). I’ve upped my Zyprexa, reduced my lamictal and elimited my prozac. I’m sick of meds but the head chater and SH thoughts are to much on the lower dose of Zyprexa. I can’t pay for my prozac and my pharmacy won’t even try to run my insurance for it because they insist insurance won’t pay for it. Grrr. I just want to sit and cry but I can’t even do that. My emotions are muted even off meds. I’m not charismatic like my husband. I can’t even get a t to like me and I pay them! I feel like a burden to everyone. Even when I was helping my sister I felt I hindered her more then helped. If I can’t talk no one can help. I haven’t been intimate in months because that requires touch and I don’t want that.Not a trigger just TMI

Possible trigger:

On a good note I found bras that I can put on by myself

IDK. I give up. I’ll coast for a little and see what to do when I want to fight again.

It doesn’t help that Miguel has to graduate next year or he forgoes his scholarship. He still hasn’t done testing to find out how to help him best. We’re getting a lot of negative feedback from my family. Everything from “He getting a useless degree” (web dev. But my family think wix will take over web dev.) to “Why are you doing a graduation party?” It’s so tiring and damages his relationship with my family. At least he has my husband’s family to be excited. I don’t know how to approach the topic with my family. He’ll be leaving for the summer beginning of May.