[emgreen]

Lately I've had the most difficult time following conversations. I'll even forget what I started to say. I'm just lost in a literate world. I know it's common, but I also get up to fetch something, & by the time I get there I forgot why I was there. It's really messed up. It's gnawing at me, making me feel like isolating. My mind feels like a bunch of puzzle pieces...I can't get it together.

I've experienced the same in the past, but not so much in recent years. Soooooo...it isn't necessarily a permanent thing. I am sure that my illness itself (depression and manic sides) contributed to cognitive impairments. Some (not all) medications didn't help either. Clocking a good amount of stable time (letting the brain "heal", as I call it) and working with your psychiatrist to tweak meds or dosages helps. For me, sometimes a medication caused cognitive impairments initially, but they eased over time.

[yellow_fleurs]

I have had this, too. I agree with bird dancer that it can change with time. Moods, meds, hormones, and whatever this autoimmune type thing I have is all contribute to my changes in cognitive functioning. After what my doctor said was a mixed episode plus a med reaction there was a week or so I could not do basic tasks like download a file from my computer. Seriously, I lost some of my school work when they cleared the drives because I could not execute a basic thing like that. Today is a good day for me and I can focus clearly, feels great. This is just my experience of course. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Definitely something to ask your doctor about as I am sure you know. There are many possible causes.

[GoldenSnitch]

I definitely feel a loss of cognitive ability. But I can’t tell if it’s from the cocktail of meds I’m on or my mood swings. It makes me depressed in turn because I used to think of myself as an intellectual and I don’t anymore. I feel like I’ve lost part of my identity. And I struggle with identity because I have bpd too.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by GoldenSnitch

I definitely feel a loss of cognitive ability. But I can’t tell if it’s from the cocktail of meds I’m on or my mood swings. It makes me depressed in turn because I used to think of myself as an intellectual and I don’t anymore. I feel like I’ve lost part of my identity. And I struggle with identity because I have bpd too.

I don't have BPD but I can relate to everything you've said here. My pdoc says my cognitive issues are a combination of meds and brain damage from repeated bipolar episodes. I was worried about dementia but I don't have that, thank God. Not that having brain-fade of any kind is OK, but I think dementia is worse than what I've got. I know what you mean about not feeling like an intellectual; I used to have an IQ of 140 but it's probably a lot lower now.

[~Christina]

A few meds in the past have given me an IQ of a potato. I could remember nothing.

Literally I would get up because I needed to pee and walk in the bathroom and forget and go back to the living room , yes that stupid.

Changes in meds helped clear that up somewhat , but the struggle is still real.

[Wander]

My brain seems to have turned to mush in the last 10 years. Back then I was holding down a fast paced, memory dense, position as a Case Manager full time. I was a memory machine. I had periods of ‘crazy’ but managed to function. Then Fibromyalgia hit hard. I was almost bedridden for a few years. Then Bipolar began to rage like it hadn’t since my teens/twenties. In fact it just got worse and worse. My memory began to slide but was still reasonable. Then I went through a series of idiot pdocs. Lots of bad meds in high doses. Memory worse. Finally I had several bouts of ECT. The last one in November being the worst. I forgot at least a whole year and rarely can read.

My illness has worsened dramatically over that time so that is a factor too. I think it’s a combo but ECT was the worst. I can’t recall conversations, data, facts, movies, what I just read, but oddly my emotional memory is still strong. Any memory attached to a strong emotion and I will never forget it. Not sure what’s up with that.

[Unrigged64072835]

I find it hard to keep focus now though I'm more emotionally stable. It's just my mind wanders off and I have to be jarred back into reality. Some of it is meds and some of it is illness as well. And yeah, ~Christina, I've done the same thing. I walk in the bathroom and forget why I'm there.

[kitties]

I have been ripped off long term meds IP, no titration, I feel it has affected me. Last IP, I was abruptly taken off Wellbutrin Bupropion and I had taken it for over ten years, excellent med for me.

It has been four months since....depressed and unable to read a book. My pdoc did start me back on 150 mg.

They also ripped me off Clonazepam and I was not abusing it nor was I in IP for suicidal reasons or titration of meds. After being on it for ten years, my pdoc was infuriated—not asking for benzo input, fyi. He said it was WRONG.

Frankly, I feel less intelligent now. They did put me on Ativan scheduled when I was IP....I think I had a seizure, I am not sure.

On Valium now, doubles as muscle relaxer for chronic pain. Taking all meds as described but depression keeps tanking and have tried three Ts. Pdoc and God’s are great.

I am sorry if I derailed.

[kitties]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I find it hard to keep focus now though I'm more emotionally stable. It's just my mind wanders off and I have to be jarred back into reality. Some of it is meds and some of it is illness as well. And yeah, ~Christina, I've done the same thing. I walk in the bathroom and forget why I'm there.

I have had this happen several times but it was a state of severe disassociation.

Hugs, regardless

Edited to add: I walked past the bathroom completely thinking, I guess, I was where I used to live. It happened several times over some months. I also woke up not knowing where I was but I was in my childhood home. I am an adult and was living back “home” as a caregiver.

[sarahsweets]

Are you on medication?

Originally Posted by emgreen

Lately I've had the most difficult time following conversations. I'll even forget what I started to say. I'm just lost in a literate world. I know it's common, but I also get up to fetch something, & by the time I get there I forgot why I was there. It's really messed up. It's gnawing at me, making me feel like isolating. My mind feels like a bunch of puzzle pieces...I can't get it together.

[wiretwister]

I drove 30 minutes in the wrong direction wed ... just blacked out on where I was going ... I find long drawn out problems get lost somewhere ... add that to fine motor skill impairment ... and it is just wonderful ... 100% meds ...

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Are you on medication?

That was a really dumb question. I used to get these fugue states where I was totally out of it, slurring words, combative etc. But the proper dose of geodon mostly solved it.

[luvyrself]

Though too high a dose of tegretol(600 is too much for me) gives me word loss, I find that stress causes me the worst cognitive problems. Sometimes cant remember why I went into a room, have to use audiobooks now tho I have three degrees and would often read one or more books in a week if I wasn’t working, sometimes cant remember what I read in a previous sentence if I am researching something,etc. My partner has serious medical problems and forces me to make all the decisions, research, find solutions tho he would be capable of this. That responsibility plus losing the structure of working since I have retired is just too much stress. I tried getting a concierge doctor to make the decisions and seek out medical solutions, but they are all in the affluent side of town. When I’m hypomanic I try to do too much; when I’m depressive I’m not motivated to do enough for myself. Hugs, everybody!

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I feel like my IQ's dropped because of the illness and the meds as well. How's your sleep been? Being groggy doesn't help the matter either if that's the case for you.

[gina_re]

I've definitely declined over the years. I think it's been worse since my effexor and risperdal have increased. I just get lost in thought and daydream. I used to love to read, and now it's become difficult. I have to reread paragraphs over and over to comprehend what I've just read. Most times I give up and move on to the next paragraph and the cycle starts again. It's completely frustrating.

[lightly toasted]

Either, sleep deprivation or meds. I don't even remember what it was like to have an IQ above that of a turnip - it's been years. It doesn't seem to be a temporary state for me and longer.

[Pookyl]

I’ve really struggled recently. I’m hoping now that my manic/mixed episode is over that my brain will start working again.

[Under*Over]

Experiencing this is super frustrating to me. Its especially frustrating because Im not sure what to attribute to my meds and what is because of my illness- this makes me have a sort of bitterweet relationship with taking my medication, which is already sort of a problem, so I hope to come to terms with whatever I need to here in order for this not to ibother me so much.

But I just hate feeling stupid. I know, objectively, Im not stupid... but relative to how I feel off medication, I just feel much slower.

But on meds I feel so much more stable and can probably have a better and more full life than I would off them- its just sucks thinking of how much I have to give up.