I don't trust my pdoc anymore. I think he is a master manipulator who wants to control the minds of his patients to make them do illegal things that he wouldn't want to get caught doing. (Don't ask me what illegal things. I don't know. I just KNOW he's up to no good.) He works with the pharmacy to implant mind control devices in my "medication." That's why I have a bunch of "capsules."

I just want ADHD medication to help me focus. My Ritalin. But now I can't trust that one either because it's a capsule. I can only trust the non-capsules like Rexulti and lamictal.

I would tell my therapist about this, except she secretly talks to my pdoc behind my back. And I only find out about their discussions when my pdoc admits to having talked to her.

[Moose72]

My pdoc and T always talked to each other. Its part of the usual way of things. If you can't talk to your T then I suggest you talk to your pdoc about the capsules. She might be able to prescribe something else that's in tablet form.

bluebicycle, I'm sorry these scary thoughts are haunting you. I can imagine if I believed this of mine that I'd be quite upset. Have you told anyone else about these suspicions besides us at PC? I think for your sake it would be a very good thing to do.

I think staying on bipolar medication is very important. I fear if you only take a stimulant you could become very ill. An idea that passed my mind, at least in the short-term, is consider going to a different pharmacy and asking them to call your current one to transfer your prescriptions. I assure you that most all pharmacies are on the up and up. You could even ask the different pharmacy to inspect your medication.

Hugs

[tecomsin]

Hi bluebicycle, it sounds to me like your beliefs about your pdoc implanting devices in your medication are delusions. You are having delusions.

It is important to alert your health care providers and be honest about your symptoms. Otherwise they are not in a good position to be able to help you.

I don't trust my pdoc either, for a similar reason. He just wants to sedate the hell out of me so he can do experiments on me while I sleep. He put a microchip in my head and now I pick up on radio signals.
I should add that he's not really my pdoc, but a pdoc for an IOP that I go to.

[fern46]

I do trust my pdoc. I am sorry you are feeling like you cannot trust yours. That must feel scary. I agree some doctors are manipulative, but it is normal for your therapist and pdoc to coordinate your care.

I agree that the most likely explanation about the meds is that they are fine and you are experiencing delusional thought. Can you open a capsule up and inspect it? The components should all look uniform and similar. I would imagine you'd see something strange if they had been tampered with. Pharmacists are usually pretty busy and it would be a lot of extra work to open them all and tamper with them. They would also risk losing their license and that is a big risk to take on for one doctor. Seems extremely unlikely. I don't want to discount your concerns, but I think it is healthy to consider other possibilities.

I also think BirdDancer offered a good suggestion about changing up your pharmacy.

Has anything specific changed since you began seeing this pdoc? What specifically do you feel he is manipulating you into doing?

Hugs. I hope you find a way to trust again even if it means finding a new doctor and therapist.

[Nola0250]

I agree with the others that this sounds like a delusion. You have posted stuff like this before and then realized it was a delusion and then posted about that. It might be helpful for you to go back and read some of the other threads you’ve started, I think it might help your insight.

[still_crazy]

there's a new abilify in the works...maybe its already been approved?...that -does- have a chip or something in it. -scary- its supposed to help ensure 'compliance.' creepy. i mean...do you really want to explain to a 'severely mentally ill' individual that their antipsychotic is loaded with surveillance technology?

but...even tho i think you're delusional, overall, i see where you're coming from. i had a shrink who would make fun of me in public, after he (mis)treated me in a hospital. that was fun. and confidentiality violations...wow. ive dealt with those, big time. good luck trying to actually -enforce- HIPPAA, or however its spelled. the laws are basically designed to protect doctors, and psych patients don't really matter to most people, anyway.

i cannot tell you what to do about psych treatments, etc. i don't know you, obviously. when im stressed, not sleeping well, i start believing things...then i catch some quality sleep, things get a whole lot better. of course...that's on regular treatment. without treatment...wait...i dont think there is a 'without treatment' for me, lol. either take stuff i can tolerate in my own place, or get put somewhere and pumped full of whatever they decide will shut me up.

good luck to you (and everyone else, of course). :-)

[Under*Over]

It took me a long time but now.. yes. I trust that mine is working to help me and not hurt me.

[sophiebunny]

I owe my psychiatrist everything. He has stood by me, supported me, encouraged me and yes sometimes got tough when the situation required it. There is no one I trust more. He's seen me through brutal psychotic episodes and long hospitalizations. Has shown me great empathy as we explored my complex trauma history together. Prevented me from causing an international incident when I was manic. Was my champion for compassionate psychiatric care when I underwent breast cancer treatment. Expressed genuine compassion when he had to have me restrained. I think it bothered him as much as it bothered me to have to be restrained. I know he always has my best interests at heart. I am an author because of his encouragement and faith. I may not have been blessed with a childhood someone would want, but I was blessed with an MD who literally helped put the pieces back together in my adulthood.

[Sunflower123]

I just changed from my pdoc of 17-20 years to a NP that practices under him. I don’t trust her yet but I don’t suspect her of doing something to my capsules.

I believe that might be a delusion you are having. There is some excellent advice in the posts above. Please take care. Thinking of you.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by sheltiemom2007

I owe my psychiatrist everything. He has stood by me, supported me, encouraged me and yes sometimes got tough when the situation required it. There is no one I trust more. He's seen me through brutal psychotic episodes and long hospitalizations. Has shown me great empathy as we explored my complex trauma history together. Prevented me from causing an international incident when I was manic. Was my champion for compassionate psychiatric care when I underwent breast cancer treatment. Expressed genuine compassion when he had to have me restrained. I think it bothered him as much as it bothered me to have to be restrained. I know he always has my best interests at heart. I am an author because of his encouragement and faith. I may not have been blessed with a childhood someone would want, but I was blessed with an MD who literally helped put the pieces back together in my adulthood.

I think this is also what I have: complex trauma history and that informs also the types of delusions and psychoses that I have. I was heartened to read your account of how you have been helped by your psychiatrist. It is truly inspirational and knocked me a bit out of my generally pessimistic view of the profession.

For me the answer is to take an AP every day. Then I add a second AP if I start to have breakthrough symptoms but only take the second one as needed, not every day. I am already overly sedated as it is and quite lethargic it is an effort to get out of the house at all these days.

I wanted to say to bluebicycle that delusional states can be dangerous. Please be careful with your life.

[yellow_fleurs]

Bluebicycle this sounds scary to experience, I agree that it sounds like a delusion, though. I know it's hard to believe it could be a delusion when it feels so certain. As others suggested maybe it would help to look back at your past posts to see the pattern. I was happy to see you were feeling better recently and hope you feel better again soon. Is there anyone else in your life you trust right now to talk to? I am glad you are posting here for support.

[Guiness187055]

My Pdoc has been such a blessing for me. I am lucky to have such a knowledgeable caring doctor in my life.

[TheSeaCat]

I trust all of my doctor's completely; my current team is awesome when it comes to my health. Since this question is mainly about Pdocs that is what I will be talking about. I love him plain and simple; he is the first one to actually sit down with me psych wise and actually have a conversation and got to know me. He also realized my issue could probably be treated with just an antidepressant and that it was probably time to come of the AP. So far he's been right and I am feeling really good without the AP. He also currently does my therapy and he is really good with that; plus he's super easy to talk to.

As for the capsule's; I agree with everything the others have said; check with your pdoc to see if they can do it in tablet form.

[MsSunflower]

I absolutely trust my doctors and my pharmacist as well. I know that they want to help me and would never do anything to harm me. I would agree with what others have said about switching pharmacies or to tablet medication. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable but don't stop taking your medication, that could be dangerous! Also I don't know about laws where you live but the only way my therapist can talk to my doctors is because I signed a consent form. You can ask your therapist about this if that is what is keeping you from being totally open with them. I hope you can talk to a trusted person in your life about how you've been feeling and these thoughts you're having. Stay safe.

[Wander]

At the beginning of this year I fell into paranoid psychosis, mainly having strong delusions. Due to this I could not trust my pdoc (or any other mental health professionals even though I had developed deep trust with them). Being in hospital was terrifying as I thought my pdoc was manipulative and controlling, and was basically out to kill me. It felt so real.

When the meds kicked in all trust was restored. In fact I trust my pdoc even more now having seen the lengths he went to to save me, and the real compassion he demonstrated.

Blue, listen to the advice given on this tread. There are great pdoc’s and mental health professionals that will be able to help you. There are definitely some not worth trusting. Oh, how I have learnt that.

Despite that, have hope Blue that there are pdoc ‘s out there who you can trust. Maybe it’s the one you are seeing. Tell them all and watch their response. If it sucks then see another.