[BeyondtheRainbow]

I fell down a flight of stairs this afternoon. I'm very fortunate that nothing is broken but I'm very sore already so tomorrow is going to be fun. I'm not even sure what happened; I was walking and then falling face-first while trying to twist around to protect my head. I did at least succeed in that and I have an ankle that was surgically reconstructed 5 years ago and it is only slightly sprained which is a huge blessing. But I hurt from my shoulders to my toes. It even hurts to breath from sore muscles.

I guess my life was too boring?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I fell down a flight of stairs this afternoon. I'm very fortunate that nothing is broken but I'm very sore already so tomorrow is going to be fun. I'm not even sure what happened; I was walking and then falling face-first while trying to twist around to protect my head. I did at least succeed in that and I have an ankle that was surgically reconstructed 5 years ago and it is only slightly sprained which is a huge blessing. But I hurt from my shoulders to my toes. It even hurts to breath from sore muscles.

I guess my life was too boring?

Yikes! I’m sorry you are hurting. Glad you didn’t break anything. I hope you feel better soon.

[MsSunflower]

I had a really nice day once I was able to get out of bed. I went to an arts and crafts night at my local library. I've never been to one on my own and I was having so much anxiety about it but it turned out fine. Met some nice people and made some questionable art lol Also it was a nice day so I walked there and back. Over an hour of exercise that I really needed!

I didn't take my meds last night. f*** me. I fell asleep this time (I intended to take a nap), so it was a complete accident. (Slept from 4pm to 4am.) But oddly enough, my concentration and mood are soooo much better today and the day hasn't even begun yet. I don't know which med is the culprit, but I'm thinking it's the lamictal.

I'm going to use this improved concentration to my advantage -- I'm going to be REALLY productive at work today and get s*** done. I'm motivated to do something... for once. I need to take my meds tonight, though. As much as I'm feeling better NOW, I know I won't feel better in a few days of being off my meds, so I have to keep taking them. I'm trying really hard to be compliant, but I totally f***ed up last night.

I hadn't missed a dose since April 2nd... so, basically 4 weeks. I think the most I've gone without missing a dose is 6 weeks, and that was when I first started meds in 2015. Again, my mood is good (i.e., not depressed), but I feel like a total failure right now. I was hoping I'd break my personal 6-week record.

[downandlonely]

@bluebicycle don't beat yourself up too much. We all miss a dose now and then.

spikes, we'd be sad to see you leave, but I can understand your concern. If you're willing, maybe BeyondtheRainbow's suggestion would help resolve your issue with PC.

My husband and I went to see a string quartet performance last night. The performers didn't do the pieces justice. We are spoiled. We're lucky to often see some of the best classical music musicians in the world. It becomes clear when you hear "less than great" performances.

I didn't take my evening meds until late last night. That has made my morning difficult. I was tired last night even before taking them last night. I fell asleep quickly. I had taken "as needed" Seroquel yesterday afternoon. That may have factored into it.

[Scooter9]

I saying to myself "it's just the depression" when I feel my body pains, when I'm feeling withdrawn, when I feel worthless.

In my mind, I recognize these as distortions: thoughts that project the present far into the imagined future.

The thing with distortions is that they seem so real. I know they're not real but they feel so real that they affect how I relate to myself and others.

I don't have a solution other than trying to change how I relate to those distortions by focusing on the moment, by reminding myself that it'll pass, and simply accepting this as part of my life. But it's a slow process.

I've been depressed for 18 months now and wish things could be different. It started when I had to stop Lamictal suddenly due to a bad reaction and things haven't been the same since.

My pdoc is willing to add meds. I might just try them to maybe have a better summer this year.

I was forced to cancel my French class again. Another time there was a mix up. I'm very embarrassed and disappointed that I'm struggling to get this endeavor going reliably. I even offered that the instructor keep the money for today, despite my cancellation. I just asked my husband to call them, too. I can't even do that. I feel so upset and unwell that I'm nauseous.

I'm afraid that I may not make it to my 30th high school reunion tomorrow. The event is from about 10 am to after lunch. It takes about 50 mins to drive there. I bought a pretty dress for it.

[xRavenx]

Really depressed lately. I feel like I should be doing different things, but I just can't. I see my pdoc tomorrow, but generally feel like nobody is able to help me. I have a hard time putting my feelings into words. Each day is a struggle. I'm also really irritable and have to take my PRN meds more often. I just don't know what I am doing in this life. It makes me want to give up, but I know I need to keep trying. I'm just not ready, lost interest in most things, and feel more dead than alive. Just had to vent.

[wildflowerchild25]

I started work on Wednesday. Turns out they filled my position when I was gone because HR never communicated that I was coming back. So the principal is looking for a position for me but I don’t know if he will find one. So my job is kind of up in the air. I’m nervous. I can’t lose my job now. RS and I applied for a rental house. We definitely want to move in together. If I lose my job we won’t be able to until I find a new one. Which who knows how long that could take.

So yes, RS and I found a house we like. It’s a little bit more expensive than we were going for but I think we can do it if he doesn’t pay as much on his credit cards. I’m also hopefully getting a second job. It’s a tutoring position so it wouldn’t be very many hours but it’s enough to pull in an extra $200 a month. So that would help.

I start my master’s classes on Tuesday. I’m still nervous about taking two classes at once. I’m good at school but It gives me anxiety. I almost couldn’t get my textbook for the one on time. I ended up being able to rent an ebook so I got it immediately. That’s good because I didn’t want to fail the first quiz and discussion questions because I didn’t have the book.

My back hurt a lot this morning but I took Advil and it went away. I think it’s just from being on my feet again all of a sudden. I hope I haven’t reinjured it. The dr said my pain wouldn’t be cured 100% so I’m sure it’s fine.

Otherwise I’m moving along. Hugs to all who need them

[pirilin]

Steady as she goes.
I got a hold of myself.

I've have reached the metalic age.
My hair is silver, my teeth are gold
and my balls are lead.

What's there to worry about.
Worry is a waste of time
that I don't have much left.

Cheers.

[bpforever1]

I'm doing fine. I lost another pound. I feel ok. I did a load of laundry then sifted through my other clothes to wash tomorrow. I walked last night and the day before. I am at my parents' house and am waiting for dinner. I am still interested in becoming a real estate agent. I am beginning to see reality for what it is. I was psychotic before and my imagination was taking over my reality at times. I think the shot is doing me well. I will continue with the shots. I have a tendency to forget about taking my medication. The shots are convenient and allow me to focus on other things. I will be ok.

[Moose72]

Still manic. Hate seroquel- getting achey breasts/milk?- am exhausted by it but I feel less bouncy and cheerful than before seroquel but i cant get past the other stuff. Brain hears what they are saying but doesn't care. Feeling like pleasure-seeking still and going to go do that actually. At a loss for what else to relay...

[yellow_fleurs]

All my labs came back normal. Of course I am quite relieved none of the autoimmune diseases showed up positive and yet I am still clearly unwell and it leaves me again without an answer. My rheumatologist told me it's likely not rheumatic at all. My therapist was telling me I am anxious about what it could be, which is true, but it's more than just anxiety. These symptoms have had a serious impact on my quality of life, and has not been mild, so I'm not just like "what if" something is wrong with me, it's like please someone diagnose and help me! So my medical and psych issues are all up in the air and confusing.
I put this in a separate post, but my therapist also recommended I see a psychologist for testing, since I keep mentioning cognitive issues. I kind of don't know if I want to do that or not, but will think about it. She also asked me if I had considered IOP after I mentioned I still had some concerning thoughts although they are much improved from last year. It's interesting that it was mentioned now because I am functioning much better than in the past, although probably if she was my therapist when I was more unstable she would have recommended it then, too. I said I really think it not needed right now, I mean my work and regular schedule helps keep me stable and not sure there would be a benefit to missing that for IOP.
My garden is already growing things. I am planning to work on that and exercise this weekend. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

[gina_re]

Well I'm still pretty low. I was supposed to go to my nephews concert tonight, but that didn't end up happening, so it was another day in bed. I'm so sick of this, but I can't motivate myself to get up and do anything. I just want to sleep the day away, but I can't even do that. I'm wide awake staring at the ceiling. I just want to fast forward to when I'm over this. I found a couple of restoril pills at the bottom of my drawer in my nightstand and I desperately want to take one because I know I will get a lot of sleep. But they're expired (two years old), so I can't. There is nothing to look forward to, there is nothing for me to do (except cut the grass, eww), I just exist. All I'm doing is putting on weight from all the eating and sleeping. I feel so alone.

[Wander]

Hi Jennifer, how are you feeling after your fall. Thinking of you.

[Wander]

Actually slept 7 hours straight last night. Most likely to my physically busy day yesterday. I went through every drawer, shelf in my flat and organised everything, then cleaned my flat. After that I went for a long swim. I was exhausted after so no hypomania here, just feeling motivated. Last night I rested in front of the TV watching Homeland. Asleep by 10.30 pm.

The PTSD was calmer yesterday but perhaps that is why I kept myself so busy. Feeling good this morning. Off to see my Mum, sister, nephews and nieces. Then a swim or long walk. I will be lonely after that. Maybe I will ask my partner to come over. I don’t like being alone right now. I get paranoid.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Wander

Hi Jennifer, how are you feeling after your fall. Thinking of you.

Thanks for asking. I'm very, very sore from head to toe but I'm very, very grateful I did not break any bones. Not sure how I did that. One arm alone appears to have hit multiple times and I'm always at risk for a broken ankle or ruptured tendons/ligaments in that ankle. Both are ok. I'm taking meds round the clock and I slept a lot of today because I was sore and was up in the night. Hoping tomorrow will be better. I've been doing so much better at walking daily and now I'm on a break which is frustrating but it could be so much worse.

[TheSeaCat]

Hi all, I hope you all are are doing well; sorry for not updating yesterday, I got on pretty late and just didn't have time to type an update so you guys get both Thursday's and Friday's update.

Thursday I had a work meeting which was a little stressful but work wasn't all that bad Thursday. Thursday after work M wanted to have a date night; so we went out to eat and just enjoyed our time together; besides I know he's probably starting to feel trapped and I know he's bored out of his mind.

Today was probably the best day of the week in terms of work stress, plus I got a lot of stuff done so I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I left work early so I could see my Cardiologist for my biweekly follow up. Which are oodles of fun; like so much fun. The visit went fine; both blood pressure and heart rate were high; but he's not changing my medication this time and I know I had a bad work week so that could have been a contributing factor. Still he wants to see me again in two weeks.

Day 7 of just being on an antidepressant and I am feeling pretty good. No side effects; clear brain. I am hoping this works for me.

Hugs to everyone