My summer

Hope it went well. Thinking of you becaus I know this is really hard for you to do. I'm glad you had the courage.

She was super nice. I was all over the place. I made her nervous I was so nervous. I started off saying I'm not on meds but need to be. We eventually settled on Abilify desolvable 10 mg. She actually led me to the office to get the prior authorization. They told me to call Wednesday to make sure it goes through. I was right that my pharmacy never sent for the prior authorization for the prozac. I kinda got yelled at (jokingly) for not speaking up when we're always there. They joke about up just giving us a room there to live in.

I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you were afraid. I hope the abilify helps. I'm glad you saw someone kind.

Glad it went well for you. Hope this leads to you finding stability.

3 hrs. I don't think I can talk for an hour. I have to do this. I'm trying to tell myself When she was concerned she asked not told me I need hospitalization. I don't know how she will react to "active" psychosis. They've seen it all right? I have nothing to be afraid of right?

She was nice. She's moving so she'll see me 1 last time. She said things are bad and I need to get and stay on medication. She doesn't believe things aren't bleeding into the rest of my life. She told me my trust issues are different then my paranoia. That I need to keep coming and actually talk to my team about my issues.

This all sounds like solid advice. I'm glad she was nice. Hopefully you will keep seeing her and that will allow you to build up trust.

Regretfully took the first pill. Everyone is worried about the paranoia. I just want to sleep. I need a reboot.

So yesterday I wanted to get rid of the med but there was no way to because it is odt, once you put it on your tongue there's no going back. I took it this morning too. I need sleep. I called my PCP and got in for tomorrow. Hopefully she can help with the nausea and dizziness. I didn't keep my brunch down so I had to have a yogurt.

I'm trying to decide if I'm the *** or if he's the ***. What if I'm not crazy and he's just really good at gaslighting? to the point he has all the drs convinced too? I mean it would be easy to do to me given my fear of people and the act he goes into EVERY appointment with me except T and he even wants to go in there with me. I've told him that's my 2 hrs away from him a month. He still pushes for it. I know he's controlling (always has been that's his way of helping situations) but could he be making me sick?

My advice for myself and others has always been don't make any big decisions when you are unwell. I also think that this might be a good thing to talk with your T about. I often have doubts about my diagnosis too, but usually its the illness speaking. Its hard when you can't trust yourself or others cause of what your mind is doing

This is starting to sound like paranoia....
Did you throw up your pill?
bizi

I also think that this might be a good thing to talk with your T about Unfortunately I only have 1 meeting left and that's 2.5 weeks away. Then I get a new T that can only see 1-2x a month. I’m debating changing clinics to one I can go 1x a week to. It’s an additional 20 min drive. My husband doesn’t want me to. He wants me to share his T. If he is gaslighting and with his personality people take his side. I told him tonight that I feel he’s gaslighting and I don’t want to be intimate with him. His response was I’m sorry, I hope the abilify starts working fast. He asked why I haven’t left yet. I explained that I don’t know who’s right, am I really that sick or is it him being controlling? 2.5 weeks seem like such a long time.

This is starting to sound like paranoia. My T said my paranoia was strong and things are not good. She doesn’t know I feel he’s gaslighting. That I’m not really that sick. That he’s making it worse than it is. He refuses to restrain from saying stuff about him caring which ****s with my head.

Did you throw up your pill? no it’s an disintegrating pill so there’s no taking it back after it’s on your tongue for a little. I am taking it.

I saw my PCP today about the fall, nausea and dizziness. I got in trouble for not taking iron. She put me on two different stomach meds for 6 wks. (pills) She has no mental health history on me. I told her I thought it was anxiety that was making me dizzy and nauseous she ask if I had a Pdoc and when was I seeing him again? She’s not saying everything is in my head which is good. I asked her what meds it said I was on and there were a bunch. She was like with your meds it looks like depression. I told her no bipolar and took out the abilify. She looked at my record and wants me back on the shot. She see’s me again in 2 weeks and TMI I don’t even get the chance to talk to T about it. I’m not good at saying no so I moved it out 2 weeks.

Years ago when I first started seeing my T Richard. My husband saw him once for his own problems and Richard told him that he would find him a good T but he would not see him again, he will not see us both unless it’s strictly couples counseling. But I really need intensive Therapy so Steve got started with another T

He feels that seeing both would set him up to pick a side or unknowingly give out advice just off what the other one reporting etc.

I’ve said this to you so many times it’s not funny but here’s my last time.

Why do you have your husband with you seeing a T ? And seeing the same T ? Therapy is a place where we can just unload and be honest and not worry about hurting ones feelings and I cant imagine that happening if your husband is sitting there.

Stay safe

I do not take him in to see my T. He's rarely in a session (he doesn't even know what my T looks like) but back in WV she would have him come for a little while (10-15 min) to explain things I just was to sick to get or advocate for me. I wrote to her all week so she knew what was going on day to day before I came in without him knowing what I've said. In his mind she had him come in for his perspective. He thinks that's why therapy isn't working out for me. He trusts his T. Therefore he trusts for her to be good with me. Hell I trust her as much as I can. It's his being controlling to be protective coming out. He sees no problem with sitting into therapy with me because he has me sit in with him. It makes him feel better (even though I say nothing). He's never had therapy on his own. WV T's he would go in the first 10-15 min. and then go to his therapy session and I would finish my therapy session and then go finish off his. However my WV T had a ton more daily information and would not tell him ****. I have to change T's anyway. Even if I do get his T he will not be coming in regularly.

So I found a psychologist that is right down the road from me. I'm going to call her Monday morning at 9 am. She's a PHD hopefully she takes my insurance still.

ED is back... well I guess it never left but since the Dr took may safe foods away yesterday I'm ****ed. I almost cried shopping. My husband says this isn't a forever thing but two months with no safe foods are going to be hell.

Why did the dr take away your safe foods?

ED trigger... Includes weight stuff/safe food list
I already lost 4 lbs last week

That sucks. I'm a varied food eater and would find that restrictive.

I'm thinking of asking for IOP. I don't think I'm unwell enough. I've never called them outside session. I need to talk to a professional but 17 days is a ways away.

I think IOP is a great idea. Having support while trying to get back on meds can only be good and the interaction with therapists would be good fr you as well.

I think you need to stop trying to judge how sick you are and let the professionals figure that out. If you try IOP and don't qualify they'll tell you so trying is the way to go.

Monday morning I'm calling the new T place, then a dietitian, then my T. I'm going to try to get in the week of the 26th. There's just so much going on. Is it bad that part of the reason I'm thinking IOP is to get away from my husband? Then figure out if he's gaslighting.

What exactly do you believe your husband is trying to convince you of? Based on your posts, IOP sounds like a good idea. Some time away might do you some good. You definitely need to be able to make your own assessment of yourself.

What exactly do you believe your husband is trying to convince you of? He's treating me condescendingly that I'm much sicker then I really am, blaming .ME for his mistrust (he's not sleeping because I don't). It's the way he says things not what he says. He doesn't outright lie but goes right to the edge. The sucky thing is he's a great people person so I look like the crazy one. He purposely does things that make me rely on him.

ETA: I was just informed he is becoming hypomanic. This explains a lot. My feelings of him saying and doing things that are off to make me question my sanity.