Is suicide ok?

Please hang in there. The answer for you might be right around the corner just out of sight. I agree with Underdevelopment’s statements.

I hope you find some better times soon.

I'm not sure I'm ever going to be worth it

I totally get your question as I have asked it many times when confronted by well meaning people who want me to stay alive (for my sake and theirs). Few people understand what it is like to struggle with severe mental illness all their lives, with very few breaks and constant SI or worse. That has been my life, plus a tonne of trauma.

The last three months is the first time in my life that I have felt mentally stable for so long. After years of unending episode after episode I have found some peace. It was worth the wait. I don't know how long it will last but at least I now know it can happen. Sure I still have some PTSD and Fibromyalgia to deal with, but at least things are finally moving in the right direction. It has taken nearly 40 years to get here.

I guess I am trying to encourage you not to give up. For your sake. It is possible things can get better. Even after a lifetime of struggle.

I am sorry you are hurting SorryShaped. Whenever I have read your posts, I have always found you to be so sweet. I think people who are suicidal are not bad people, they are just in deep, deep pain, they desperately want to escape.

Though I believe in God, I am not sure if suicide is wrong in everycase. From my POV, It would be wrong in my case because it would hurt my family. You have said your kids are why you are still here--try to hold on to that. Though there can also be times that we should let people go. An example of this was when my mom got diagnosed with cancer--she was told she had about 6 months left but hung on for 2 years. I think the last 6 months she was here, it was through pure willpower. Sometimes medical intervention/ extending lives is not good. However, whenever there is a graduation, marriage, birth, etc--we are sad that are mom is not there to share it. She had good and bad days (she wasn't pleasant 24/7) but we still wanted our mom there even if she was not at her best (I am not talking about her last 6 months when I say this--she was barely exhisting at that point--for me, this was the point at which trying was futile). Please keep trying for your kids.

I view God as mysterious and from that POV--I don't feel like I know for sure how he views it, though suicide is usually so, so tragic. I do think that God wants us to do good, not evil so it is "right" to consider how it would effect others. It is good to be kind and help others. Consider this, could suicide cause others in your life (your kids) to head down the road of pain? When I think of families such as the Hemingways (Seven members of Hemingway's family have died by taking their own lives, including Ernest and Mariel Hemingway's older sister Margaux, she said. Mariel Hemingway had denied her sister's death was a suicide until an event hosted by the American Association for the Prevention of Suicide in 2003.) I wonder if it was purely chemical that so many took there own lives or if one suicide caused the others. That is a legacy that we do not want to doom our families with.

I hope things get better for you. I would miss seeing your posts. I hope you get some relief soon. There are some who have come back from the depths. New drugs might come on the market that could provide you with some relief or, better than that, a new person could come into your life. Love and friendship have always felt better than drugs for me. I said a little prayer that your pain will diminish. I hope the universe is listening!!!!!!!

The only thing that has stopped me in the past is that it would absolutely destroy my daughter and husband on every level.

So yeah that is what I latch onto and if need be go IP, my thought at that point is I have nothing to lose. So I go and have come out the other side not feeling so utterly useless.

To the OP, please don't take your life. I have made many mistakes with my life too. I turned down a good job because I was psychotic once. I also was married to an abusive person. I also forget to take my medications and end up either hospitalized or really disabled where I can't function on my own. I am who I am because of my illness. I know your suffering and pain. I sometimes feel suicidal but remember an acquaintance who committed suicide. Her family was devastated and people gossiped about the way she died. She was a childhood acquaintance and it hit me in the stomach when she died so young. I was not mentally ill at the time she died but later I always remembered her death. I have intense feelings of sadness sometimes. The only thing that has kept me going is that I have not heard of people returning and telling me about the afterlife. I truly don't want to go to the afterlife and have regrets that I could have died in a different manner. Also, I have gone through some near-death experiences. I miraculously survived a lung clot and a leg clot. I wanted to live through these situations and did. I also was homeless once and wanted to still survive. I cannot let sadness alone allow me to take my own life when I have had such experiences. People with mental illness suffer the insufferable. I know you may think you are alone in your misery. You have a lot of company. The best thing to do is to be with people who uplift your spirits- family members or friends who truly care about you. Also, seeking professional help immediately is a lifesaver. This past psychotic episode made me really irrational and incoherent. But, the pdoc put me on a large dose of medication and it saved my life. It took me about six months to lift the fog of psychosis. I was really psychotic and believed that I was being contacted by space aliens. It was a sad realization when I finally became coherent and was able to accept that I was not well in the head. I am doing ok now but it makes me sad that I caused my family so much suffering again. I know that you feel all alone in your suffering. I can tell you more stories about my illness but will let it remain as is. Please don't let your current situation blind your judgment. I would like you to live your life fully and well and not have any regrets when the time comes when you really have to go to the afterlife.

Thanks all.
I'm still not getting better but at least managed to distract myself in classic video games today. I got an old system working again, mostly. It's overall playable so I win I guess. Going to gym and then dunno after. I'll come home and go to bed probably.