[Blueberrybook]

I am sure mixed BP is not helped by iron anemia and probably not in the short term by iron infusions. I have been having very severe mood swings, sometimes just feeling so sad, and I don’t even know why. Or a little off-hand remark hurts me more than it should. And I feel guilty for falling apart while H is working harder than ever to support us and my daughter is dealing with issues of adolescence, such as her identity, what to do when she’s outgrown most of her toys other than things like Legos and her friends get to take summer vacations to Disney World, but we only might get to stay 3 or 4 days with my sister and her family in Plano (Dallas area).

I have not had lows this extreme in a very, very long time. I think it’s just the temporary chaos and getting my iron issues sorted along with my daughter and H each having big changes of their own right now.

I have more difficulty concentrating, am forgetting stuff constantly...ugh! I am not at the point of self harm and as is the nature of mixed, next thing I will decide to sort through electronics in my office - Old earbuds, usb cords, iPods, even floppy disks. And then I will be OK, I will want to fix dinner, and H starts something he doesn’t want to stop, dinner is late, my mood plummets (not helped by the fact I hate to cook and just want to get meals done).

Pdoc doesn’t want to change anything until my iron levels are stable, I guess unless I am having very severe symptoms that are near or do require going IP, which I am not. It is understandable as they link iron deficiency to depression and anxiety but frustrating too, just waiting.

[Wander]

That sounds awful. I have horrible mixed episodes often. Well I did until I was put on Geodon. Now I have peace I am shocked at how horrible mixed is. You seem to have good insight, and a supportive pdoc. I know you are suffering a lot right now but try not to worry too much unless it gets worse. The iron infusions seem to be the cause. How much longer do you need them?

[Victoria'smom]

How long do you have to wait?

[Sunflower123]

I hope you feel better soon.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling SO MUCH, Blueberrybook! I understand things must be VERY HARD for you! Please hang in there! It seems like you're already aware of what is going on! That's GREAT! Be proud of yourself for that! I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out sooner or later! Just give it time! If things get worse DEFINITELY talk to your Pdoc about ALL OF THIS as soon as you possibly can! If you feel like you can handle it, good for you! There's nothing wrong with asking for help though! Family can be stressful but hopefully they'll be able to help you by doing some work around the house if they can and in general I hope that they'll be respectful of you and your boundaries! We're here for you as well! Please keep us updated on your situation AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF YOU CAN AND WANT TO! WE ALL DO CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! I hope things will get better soon for you and your family! PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! Things CAN and WILL get better soon for you and your family! THAT'S A PROMISE! WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK! Sending many AWESOME, kind, safe, sweet, warm, wise and WONDERFUL HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, BLUEBERRYBOOK, JUST LIKE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE!

[Blueberrybook]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words. I am having a harder time after the second infusion (probably why they have to leave a week between, not to overwhelm the body). No horrible mood swings today, one not great one but shorter-lived. I slept over 13 hours last night. I have noticed these infusions exhaust me shortly afterwards. I didn't do much today though I was able to read quite a bit without 2 or 3 other thoughts constantly racing through my mind all the time as I read the words and go through some old files and trash what I no longer need.

Hopefully, I won't always have to be on iron infusions, maybe I can take a supplement to avoid iron deficiency in advance, maybe it's a one-time thing. The hematologist has me scheduled for bloodwork in 4 weeks. In the meantime, I don't have any infusions or take any iron supplements. He wants to see how my body reacts to the infusions and if it builds enough iron stores or if they don't last (which probably would mean my body does not absorb iron well from food sources any more and has to rely on the stores and cannot rebuild them). I am not sure if this can be corrected by diet or if I will have to rely on iron supplements and/or infusions every 3 or 4 months. It seems my body does make more red blood cells with iron supplementation from the last blood work, but they were still struggling to carry enough oxygen (low hemoglobin still). I truly hope it will not mean more tests like a bone marrow biopsy though my PCP mentioned it might. I think it is a case of the most likely cause being gastric issues resulting from ulcer surgery/post ulcer stomach medication but wanting to be sure all the bases are covered. I may also have to see an endocrinologist for additional blood work. After that, I will have seen most of the doctors in the book (or at least it feels like it). I really am ready to stop having to see so many doctors.

The good news, I suppose, is that I haven't had to call the pdoc because of being in bad shape or having too many panic attacks or not sleeping for quite some time, and he has now stretched out my visits to every 6-8 weeks instead of every 2 weeks, maybe 3. I don't know that I have gone a stretch this long without making emergency calls to the pdoc since I've started seeing this pdoc in March 2018 when my old pdoc retired. My lows lately have been bad, but at least not long lasting or so bad I'd harm myself. Instead, once I finish crying (if I don't fall asleep), I usually jot down one or several sad/angry/desperate poems, which I suppose isn't the worst coping mechanism out there.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm glad you found a healthy coping mechanism. Hopefully your body keeps the iron.

[Pookyl]

I’ve previously have had iron injections followed by a period of oral supplementation. I no longer require anything — I eat well - red meat, green leafy veggies etc.
If you’re serious about getting and maintaining your iron levels you’re going to make the tough decision to eat well.