[Erecura]

I know most of you are not mental health professionals and I don' take this as an official diagnosis. I'm just interested in your opinion as people who know what it feels like to be bipolar. I've been diagnosed with something else than bipolar, but I think my doctor might be wrong and I'm thinking about getting a second opinion.

I've gone trough phases of various psychological issue and most of them took few years to solve. None of them actually lasted longer than few years and they change according to my moods and state of mind. The same for my visits at mental health professional's. I have years of being good and stable and then years of being totally ****ed. I'm currently in my more or less stable phase. but there is one thing that never completely goes away, and now when there are no other related symptoms to disrupt it, I'm being more and more aware of them.

I know that to be bipolar you gotta experience both the highs and the lows. Well, I'm not sure about this, because my "highs" are somewhat different than what the books say. I don't ruin my life being spontaneous and impulsive and I don't do crazy manic stuff that destroys my life. My high states are actually very good and beneficial for me and my environment as well.

I do experience feelings of high self esteem, I suddenly feel good in my own body, feel sexy and attractive. There's something inside of me telling me that I can do anything I want and I'll be GREAT person one day, fame, glory, attention it all will be mine. I put my ambitions and aspirations really high, constantly daydreaming about how amazing my life will be when it will all turn out for the good. I make daily plans, when I plan every second of my day to be productive, effective and hard working. I'm creative and I make so many plans about what to do to make my life better and achieve everything I dream about. I usually get involved in zillion activities and get extremely busy to the point I sometimes have no time to sleep, but I still sleep normally well when I do have the time. I just get so excited and energetic thinking about all the possibilities that can happen and I feel like the success is right within my reach. The future feels bright and I'm so open, and good at what I do. This also makes me less emotional, more practical and I feel like I'm still on the go, I feel like I can't stop or relax and I have no patience with people. Everything seems too slow and like it's just not enough.

This usually lasts for a month or so, sometimes a bit longer, sometimes a bit shorter (never shorter than few weeks) and then suddenly there's a drop.
I start to feel like all those plans are too high and idealistic and I'm not as good as I think. My self confidence starts to drop and I feel ugly, fat, worthless, ordinary. I get flashbacks of everything mean that has been sad to me in the past and I completely lose faith in myself and my abilities. I feel like I'm trapped in stereotype and everything is grey and sad. It often hits me so hard, I almost literally feel a heavy weight landed on my body. It feels sickening and paralazying. I can't do the activities I so enthusiastically threw myself into just a few weeks ago and I lose all the motivation and interest. I feel empty, numb, guilty, hateful towards my own self for being weak and inconsistent. This in the past lead to self harm, but I haven't done that in a decade. Now it leads to abusing alcohol and dwelling in self pity. It more than often gets to the point when I think about suicide. My life feels completely meaningless and worthless.

Mostly during the low periods, I can feel an extreme anger towards myself and the anger and the guilt for feeling like I'm not good enough to reach my goals often starts it all. I've learnt to manege the self destructive anger and don't self harm anymore, but it still leads to numerous problems like alcohol abuse and eating disorders.

My moods also predict how I eat, when I'm experiencing the high, I restrict and lose weight and it had lad to anorexia in the past. When I feel down I often binge eat and it had lad to bulimia in the past.

The fear of losing my **** and not being able to be consistent at my work, e.g.
not being able to stay extremely busy and productive all the time had lad to fear that I'll never achieve my aspirations so extreme it developed into panic attacks and derealization.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and while I see where my doctor is coming from, I think it's based on shallow diagnoses and generalizations of my symptoms since no further analysis has been done from his side.

[Victoria'smom]

I do experience feelings of high self esteem, I suddenly feel good in my own body, feel sexy and attractive. There's something inside of me telling me that I can do anything I want and I'll be GREAT person one day, fame, glory, attention it all will be mine. I put my ambitions and aspirations really high, constantly daydreaming about how amazing my life will be when it will all turn out for the good. I make daily plans, when I plan every second of my day to be productive, effective and hard working. I'm creative and I make so many plans about what to do to make my life better and achieve everything I dream about. I usually get involved in zillion activities and get extremely busy to the point I sometimes have no time to sleep, but I still sleep normally well when I do have the time. I just get so excited and energetic thinking about all the possibilities that can happen and I feel like the success is right within my reach. The future feels bright and I'm so open, and good at what I do. This also makes me less emotional, more practical and I feel like I'm still on the go, I feel like I can't stop or relax and I have no patience with people. Everything seems too slow and like it's just not enough.

That sounds like hypomania.

How long have you seen the dr? What meds/therapy are you in?

[Erecura]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

That sounds like hypomania.

How long have you seen the dr? What meds/therapy are you in?

I haven't been seeing him in quite some time, but I'm thinking about coming back to him, because the low mood episodes are starting to be unbearable. I'm just thinking whether find someone else and get a second opinion or go back to him again.

I haven't been on medication for 4 years and the last one that I took was something for anxiety, but I don't remember exactly what it was.

My therapist is on the maternity leave right now and she will be for long, not sure if she's even coming back to practice, so I've found a new one, but I haven't seen her yet. We have a first appointment next week. My past therapist didn't encourage me to visit my psychiatrist again, because according to her, I wasn't bad enough to take medication. I think she meant it well, and I still think that maybe she was right and I can do without medication well. The thing is... I feel like I handle everything fine until the low mood comes and everything feels like too much. I'll see what the new therapist has to say.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hopefully your new therapist will be helpful. If you are questioning the diagnosis, could you ask for another evaluation from the same doctor or a different one? My therapist actually has said she does not see bipolar with me, even though my psychiatrist diagnosed me after observing me for a year, so it's interesting what how different professionals can come to different conclusions. Also, something to consider is that borderline personality disorder and bipolar can co-occur as you might know. I am sorry you experience the low periods, and hope you find treatment that helps you.

[Erecura]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hopefully your new therapist will be helpful. If you are questioning the diagnosis, could you ask for another evaluation from the same doctor or a different one? My therapist actually has said she does not see bipolar with me, even though my psychiatrist diagnosed me after observing me for a year, so it's interesting what how different professionals can come to different conclusions. Also, something to consider is that borderline personality disorder and bipolar can co-occur as you might know. I am sorry you experience the low periods, and hope you find treatment that helps you.

Thank you, my past therapist frankly told me that I seem "normal" and that she doesn't see an actual diagnosis in me. She only told me that I need to learn how to handle my melancholic tendencies.

I doubt my doctor's diagnosis, because it was done pretty fast. I came to him, told him I was having panic attacks, feelings of reality being unreal, and that I have a history of self harm and eating disorders. He then questioned me about my mood and so I told him that there're times when I feel ok even happy and other times, when I get extremely sad. He didn't question me about any of these symptoms and he didn't even ask me how often the moods change.

I remember he told me that I should go to a therapy and it will also help me with my impulsiveness. I argued that I don't think I'm impulsive and it's not an issue for me, he only smiled and said, "of course." Then he gave me the papers that said borderline personality disorder.

The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes.

[Scooter9]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Bipolar is not easy to diagnose and I think doctors are careful about dismissing it.

It took years to get my diagnosis. I went from occasional panic attacks, to generalized anxiety disorder, to depression, and finally years later bipolar after seeing specialists.

You could be in the early stages and the doctors might feel you're not quite there yet in terms of your symptoms, but I don't know of course.

Like you my manic phases don't get to the extremes you might have read about but my depressions are really bad. I was diagnosed after anti depressants caused a manic episode that lasted a long time.

I think you should keep track of your moods, sleep, and weight and get a physical done to make sure you're healthy since lots of physical problems can cause what looks like mental health issues. Also avoid drugs and alcohol.

Once you have collected some data about how you have been doing, try going to the doctor again. The data will help him/her see if there's a pattern that needs further investigation.

I hope I have helped you. Let us know how things go.

Hi Erecura. If (and I say if) you have bipolar disorder, my best guess, as a person with bipolar disorder type 1, is to say you have likely never experienced full blown mania. At most, hypomania, which would only allow for bipolar spectrum diagnoses of bipolar type 2 or Cyclothymia, or the like.

Indeed none of us, including me, are qualified to diagnose. If you want a second opinion, I strongly suggest consulting with another psychiatrist or with a psychologist. Another suggestion is to not just go to a couple and then quit appointments, unless the professional ends treatment. Allowing a mental health professional to observe you over a longer period of time helps them make the best diagnosis. You can't imagine how many of us waited years for a proper diagnosis because we went to doctors "as needed", usually only when we were depressed.

I guess I can understand a mental health professional leaning towards borderline personality disorder, if you have a history of self-harm and eating disorders. It's not that people with bipolar disorder can't have these co-occurring issues, but much less often than people with borderline personality disorder. What other symptoms have made the doctor(s) suspect borderline personality disorder? If you don't know, you should ask.

You might consider mood tracking with daily journaling. Such practices can provide a lot of helpful information. Do certain mood shifts tend to happen in a regular pattern? If so, what things are happening at those times (stress, menstrual period, etc.)? Describe the stress/trigger. Do you have mood shifts throughout the day? What are their characteristics?

You describe yourself when seemingly depressed and when you feel you might have elevated mood. What are your baseline mood and desires? That can help determine if your "ups" are maybe really just your norm. There are many people on this earth who do not have a diagnosable disorder that are hyperthymic positive people.

[~Christina]

Many people had Bipolar and Borderline. It’s not that usual, at all.

Bipolar is on a spectrum, it’s not a open and closed book. It’s not always hellish highs and extreme lows. Everyone has there own version of valleys and peaks.

I was treated off and on my life for depression, that’s usually when people seek help. I have a lifelong history of Anorexia and self harm. It wasn’t until my life just exploded that I again sought help.

I was diagnosed about 4-6 weeks later, my T told me his opinion and it took me about 30 seconds to look at my life and it all made perfect sense, finally. My T and Pdoc work out of the same office, my Pdoc fully agreed with my T so I began the Med Merry go Round. To help me find a balance.

So in reality it took about 30 years to get diagnosed because I didn’t see a psychiatrist long enough to detect a pattern. I also didn’t have the internet at my fingertips.

It’s always a good thing to revisit a Psychiarist about your diagnosis if you aren’t sure and I think a second opinion would help you.

I think people should not worry so much about the “ label” and focus more on what symptoms are making your life difficult.