I know this isnt bipolar related but you guys know me.

I have multiple traumas and I'm starting emdr with a therapist that is brand new at doing it. She is also new at seeing me. My impression of her is that she is intimidated by me and overwhelmed.

But....I developed this anxiety about bathing and it's a long story but that's what we're doing emdr on. I HAVE to get where I'm bathing again frequently. Right now I only do it when one of my friends is available to talk on the phone while I bath. I can't take showers because I have a bad back. I have a shower chair but getting up and down kills my back. So taking a bath is my only option.

I fear she's not qualified to help me. Recently we started going through a time line of my traumas and I'm highly triggered. She didn't give me anything to fall back on. We went from ages 4-10 and it's a lot. We start ages 10-20 tuesday. That's even more trauma. Talking about all this trauma is just making me angry and feel sorry for myself. Her response was that I have a right to feel sorry for myself and to feel angry. That doesn't help me. Going through ages 10 -20 will be very difficult. I really don't even want to think about it

My family is in total denial about things like this. One of my sisters who is my biggest support is the worst for living in denial. It's hard not having her support.

I don't trust her yet. But I have to get bathing. Finding someone else won't work I'm on medicaid and I talked to her supervisor and it will be a long wait to get someone new. I'm stuck with her. She's freshly out of college and very young and I will be one of her first clients she will be doing emdr with.

I'm also coming off diazepam right now so I don't know how much that is playing into this. I'm losing weight like crazy and barely eating.

I need to get bathing but I don't trust and I just don't find her qualified but I need to get bathing. What do I do.

Does Medicaid allow you to be on a waiting list while you continue to see this lady?

If she's not doing a good job, you can always stop talking about those things with her and wait until you find someone new. Like, find different things to talk about. I know that's not ideal, but if she's making you feel worse, then it's better to wait for someone new than to continually get triggered without anything to fall back on. That's not good for your mental health at all, and no one should subject themselves to that torture. I'm sure the lady doesn't mean to do that, but still...

If you're still going to talk to her about the EMDR stuff, you should at least tell her that you're triggered and have nothing to fall back on. It's best that she knows what she's doing wrong so that she can learn from her mistakes, because some people don't even realize what they're doing wrong unless they're told so.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Does Medicaid allow you to be on a waiting list while you continue to see this lady?

If she's not doing a good job, you can always stop talking about those things with her and wait until you find someone new. Like, find different things to talk about. I know that's not ideal, but if she's making you feel worse, then it's better to wait for someone new than to continually get triggered without anything to fall back on. That's not good for your mental health at all, and no one should subject themselves to that torture. I'm sure the lady doesn't mean to do that, but still...

If you're still going to talk to her about the EMDR stuff, you should at least tell her that you're triggered and have nothing to fall back on. It's best that she knows what she's doing wrong so that she can learn from her mistakes, because some people don't even realize what they're doing wrong unless they're told so.

No I can't be on a waiting list while I wait for someone new. I don't want to change agencies bc the other places that take medicaid are worse.

Yes I will tell her I'm just highly triggered and it's not helping. But I need to get bathing. ...ugh!

[yellow_fleurs]

While I don't know if I can really tell you what to do, one thing my therapist said to me when we started is that if we did any work related to trauma she would first need to make sure I had coping skills and could handle it safely. It sounds like you are diving in headfirst into your traumas and are struggling without anything to fall back on as you said. So, I think that is at least important to tell your therapist what you are experiencing. As her first client she probably is a bit intimidated, but if you have a lot of severe trauma I would question if you would do better to work with someone that specializes in that.
If the bathing issue is related to trauma then I could see why working on trauma is important to fix that problem. However I wonder if there are other ways to work on it and reduce anxiety that don't involve delving into the trauma at this moment? Also have you seen an occupational or physical therapist? I wonder if they could help with the back and shower issues. Like if there are any other assistive devices that could help. I hope you can get the help you need.

[*Beth*]

Hi, What do you mean by "bathing"?

I'm in the same situation with medicaid. And I live in a fairly small town. I got incredibly lucky and finally found a therapist who is older and knows her stuff. But I saw 2 more before her who were the ages of my kids. It was ridiculous.

As for the trauma therapy...besides having the trust and freedom to tell someone about it, I've never been sure what the purpose is supposed to be. Maybe if a client is angry at their abusers working out that anger is helpful? On the other hand, focusing on childhood trauma causes me to dwell on stuff that happened decades ago. But, that's me. For some people trauma therapy is apparently helpful.

Anyway, I feel for you because I've definitely been in a very similar situation. How long is the waiting list? Sometimes waiting lists move quickly because people make appointments with a therapist and end up not showing, or drop out early on.

If you're truly not comfortable with your current t. it might be a better option to stop seeing her and get on the waiting list. What do you think?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

EMDR isn't the only trauma therapy. I did exposure therapy with good success. Perhaps she has training in more than EMDR and would be more comfortable with it? Going with the fancy new thing is always tempting but not always best.

[Dysphoria]

I'm in the same boat. Medicaid won't pay for PhD or Masters level certified therapists. You are stuck with bachelor's level people. It is what it is.

Hey it could be worse. At least Medicaid pays for my psych visits and my meds.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I've decided to tell her that I'm not ready to the emdr and to try cbt or other modes of therapy for the bathing. I just dont trust her enough and with coming off the diazepam it's not a good time for it.

Once again thanks for your responses.

[*Beth*]

I apologize for asking you about the bathing. I focused on what you posted about the therapist and spaced on the fear you're having about bathing.

I agree with Rainbow that EMDR might not be the best option. My therapist was encouraging me to try it...I had mentioned to her several times that I had done EMDR several decades ago when it was a brand new technique. I was not at all fond of the impersonality of the technique. To me, it felt like anyone could have done EMDR with me - or I could do it for myself. There was no therapeutic connection.

The second time my t. suggested it I made it clear that no, EMDR is not something I want to use in therapy. So she dropped it.