[TRNRMOM]

bp2, 73 yr. old female diagnosed almost 40 yrs. ago. i know this illness well and what it takes to remain stable most of the time. just went thru a situation that has totally overwhelmed me and am wanting some feedback/input as to how you handle stressful situations.

annual mammogram: handed notice results after mammogram that required additional mammogram...total meltdown, called hubby who was out of town, told him to come home sooner, which he did. have been married 33 yrs. to a wonderful, committed, calm, easy going husband.

my primary dr., a brilliant nurse friend who just had double mastectomy, and a friend at health club who's an oncologist at mayo clinic read first results and said no cancer, but get addl. mammo./ultrasound scheduled, which was today at 10am.

in spite of all the medical feedback and unconditional support, these last 2 weeks have been horrible: obsessing, thinking the worst outcome, yet trying to distract, not over-think, not get overly anxious which is on my bipolar spectrum.

hubby and i go to facility; had mammo. first (have had several breast implant exchanges over the years and have lots of scar tissue); after mammo i asked if hubby could sit in on ultrasound. when that was completed, the waiting began while tech got results from radiologist. i broke down again, thinking it had to be cancer, while hubby was comforting me..BOTH TECH AND FEMALE RADIOLOGIST came into the room (advised both of them i'm bipolar hypomanic and i have intense reactions to everything!)and was informed by radiologist that i have a complicated cyst and to come back in 6 mo. for another ultrasound. no cancer. it's now almost 4pm and i'm still reeling from the 2 weeks of the unknown and the wait until radiologist informed me. she even hugged me and i told her how very much i appreciated her hug and compassion.

so my question is do you have any coping techniques to deal with stress/unknown? it seems as i've gotten older, i'm way more vulnerable and unable to cope. would appreciate any input. thanks.

[MobiusPsyche]

I just went through an 8- day wait for a biopsy result (endometrial cancer was removed via surgery in February this year). I had the same reaction, crying, thinking the worst, unable to function on several days. I think it's natural to be knocked for a loop in such circumstances. Maybe your reaction seems extreme; maybe it was a little overboard but then again maybe not. Cancer scares the heck out of most people. I would give yourself a break.

I'm not sure I have any advice on how to react differently in the future, knowing that I'll go through the same anguish at my next checkup if they find another polyp. I just tried to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

[TRNRMOM]

Originally Posted by mobiuspsyche

i just went through an 8- day wait for a biopsy result (endometrial cancer was removed via surgery in february this year). I had the same reaction, crying, thinking the worst, unable to function on several days. I think it's natural to be knocked for a loop in such circumstances. Maybe your reaction seems extreme; maybe it was a little overboard but then again maybe not. Cancer scares the heck out of most people. I would give yourself a break.

I'm not sure i have any advice on how to react differently in the future, knowing that i'll go through the same anguish at my next checkup if they find another polyp. I just tried to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

it took a full day for me to feel like i've returned to my `abnormal/normal' and i agree with your last paragraph: We will probably experience similar anguish when another issue presents itself. It's such a horrible feeling mentally/physically. I wish you only the best.

[*Beth*]

First, it's great news that your exam turned out well.

I also go straight into severe anxiety/foreboding mode when there's even the slightest possibility of certain things that I fear happening.

When that happens I feel like a leaf in the wind...just blown around with absolutely no ability to stabilize myself. I'm in my mid-50's and my entire life has been a battle against the terror of the next moment bringing on the "worst possible."

I am finally in therapy with a woman who "gets it." During our most recent session we have come up with a plan to find ways I can cope better when I feel like everything is falling apart. So...I wish I had some suggestions for you, but at this point I'm struggling with the same type of reaction that you've described. Battling is completely draining, isn't it?

Are you in psychiatric care and therapy?

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't have a lot of insight to offer you, @TRNRMOM, but I've just wanted to let you know that I'm hearing you and that I COMPLETELY understasnd your fears!! I'M SO VERY HAPPY that you have a Support System IRL! I COMPLETELY agree with @MobiusPsyche and @summerfields about getting therapy if you aren't already as that may be REALLY helpful to help you cope. Other than that I'm here to offer you ALL the Advice and Support that you may need! Please feel free to PM me ANYTIME! I'm sure PLENYT of others will be glad to help you out! Please NEVER give up Hope as there's ALWAYS Hope for a brighter future! I'm REALLY happy that you're being supported right now! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, your Family, your Friends, your Loved Ones and ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE!!

[Wild Coyote]

Hi!

First of all, I'd like to tell you I am glad you are okay.

I think you did just fine!

Outside of our diagnoses, we are "human" and are "emotional beings."
I don't see anything pathological about your high anxiety under the circumstances. As far as you knew at the time, your life was being threatened.
I'd be more concerned if you did not show emotion.

Personally, I think you are being too hard on yourself.
You deserve lots of self-compassion!

[TRNRMOM]

to all of you who responded, i really appreciate your input and experiences; i've been in and out of counseling and have been under psych. care for years since diagnosis almost 40 yrs. ago, and i really do have a wonderful support system of family (not all of them) and friendships; also got some wonderful input from qualified drs. and nurses so i felt i was using whatever resources i could find after 1st mammo and then yesterday's redo mammo plus ultrasound; i'm totally exhausted from the emotional trauma leading up to yesterday, and then it's aftermath, but now that things have quieted down, i begin to think logically and rationally and that even those who do not have a mental illness would probably have some sort of similar emotional fear of the unknown...and then handling the diagnosis. yes, i immediately go into negative, worse case scenario mindset and i tried to use the coping skills that several friends suggested...i guess bottom line is: i am who i am; i am wired differently yet i am very similar to others who might have to cope with any similar or different situation which causes fear, alarm, anxiety, angst and all those negatives which get triggered...and prob. when something else arises, some new or old health concern which is inevitable at age 73, i probably will then overwhelm and overthink! yes, i'm human and have emotions just like anyone else, except all of mine are so damn intense!!! again, thanks for your replies.