Does anyone else find socialising destabilising?

I don't socialize anymore. I don't really have friends. Well, I have one here in Portland and one in Seattle, three hours away. I need to try to get out and meet some new people.

Socializing is entirely exhausting to me. It's nice, a couple of times a year, to go to lunch with an old friend. Besides that...nah.

So, I've made a few attempts recently to "get out, and meet people" but it hasn't gone well...and I'm just coming out of the very dark depression that was the result.

I should just officially give up, just be grateful for my husband and my cat, and focus on myself, and making this small life as great as I can for myself.

I'm sure I will keep trying though I'm not sure if I'm an eternal optimist or I am the definition of insanity ...you know trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I seem to be very good at flogging dead horses.

I don't know how I missed this thread, when it was originally posted.

I do like to socialize, for the most part, but when with new people I can get extremely nervous/anxious. Sometimes it shows by me sweating a lot. Sometimes I go into "Star of the Show" mode. But when I become more comfortable around a person (or persons), everything becomes easier and nicer.

I've gotten odd stares from how I act when my filter is "off". But if I'm manic or hypomanic, I just continue on and people tend to step away from me. That's me doing it to myself, not that I don't like people.


Sometimes, though, I get where I can't stand being in public at all. All the people around me are too much! Like at a concert or a restaurant. the physical closeness of people gets to me AND on top of that all the talking at the same time- its like I can hear each individual voice and its a cacophony of noise that gets inside me somehow. Physically, I can't stand it and I get overwhelmed quickly. Generally, though, I am an extrovert- except when I'm not. I'm usually seeking feedback. That's why I like these boards- lots of feedback to get and to be given.