[Victoria'smom]

I’m doing better but I will be left alone again this week possibly, and definitely next week. My H keeps saying I look sad and have a lot of anxiety. When is it anxiety and when is it psychosis? When is it “micro-psychosis” in BPD? I’m doing better do I still call the pdoc tomorrow? What do I say? I don’t have the best memory. I feel like I can wait but I might flip if left alone but I have no idea how to tell if I will. Is this just me trying to wait my turn/down playing?

[~Christina]

Stop downplaying yourself out of fear /anxiety.

Make the call

You have been given a link somewhere that offered 99 ( I think) distractions. With that many there is no reason you can’t find ones to keep youself safe while alone.

Try to focus on what you CAN conquer instead of thinking of things that didn’t go well in the past.

You are much stronger than you think so try focusing on that k?

[fern46]

What do you think? You don't need validation for your feelings. You let what H thinks and sometimes what we think define you. I'd like to hear you tell us and your doctor what is actually true and real for you no matter how it sounds. H says you look sad. Are you sad? He says you look anxious? Are you anxious?

Journal what is true for you without feedback from others. Write it down with dates and times so you can refresh your memory later when you need it.

You had planned to call your doc for a reason. If those reasons are still valid then definitely call. Doing better for a day or a few hours doesn't really mean that the issues are gone. Sometimes these things come and go. They can still be valid concerns in that state.

I also agree with Christina. There are infinite things you can do if you're open to them and throw your energy into them with good intent. You can only be as strong as you allow yourself to be. Just give a few things a shot with an open mind. You might surprise yourself. You deserve some fun. Don't over think it.

Does it cost you money to call your pdoc for 3-5 mins? If it doesn’t cost you anything, then IMO, there is no harm in calling and you should ring his phone

My pdoc charges $20 for after hours calls and $20 for in-person appts. But I can talk to his assistant for free whenever I want without being charged (even if she is kinda useless most of the time).

All you have to do is say that you haven’t been feeling well lately and that you’re feeling okay for now, but you’re not sure if the “okay” feeling is going to last. Then tell him you’re concerned about your stability. Just put it that way and your pdoc can ask you questions to help him make a judgment.

[Victoria'smom]

With that many there is no reason you can’t find ones to keep youself safe while alone. I'm not worried about my safety. It's the unchecked anxiety. I've made a list from those coping skills to use.

Journal what is true for you without feedback from others Everything is muddled right now. I'm currently going through my posts and hangouts to make a timeline.

Does it cost you money to call your pdoc for 3-5 mins? I have to make an appointment to talk to pdoc. I was told to call back Monday at 9 to find out if there's a cancellation but I'm okay now.

[Under*Over]

My therapist and psychiatrist always called my anxiety “paranoia”. Which. I guess fits because I tend to be- well. I can interpret something a thousand different ways- some of them being pretty outlandish- and can come up with all sorts of ulterior motives that could be had to make this or that thing possible.

Its easier to talk myself (and maybe you- if you inderstand where the anxiety is coming from. I think your journaling idea is great- its a good way to work through thoughts and anxiety)

Anyways. Call if you need to call. Its better to call then it is is to suffer.

Would it hurt to set up an appt though? Even tho I’m obviously not a dr, the fact you weren’t okay before suggests to me that maybe you’re not stable on your current med regimen. Like, your current regimen allows for things to fluctuate too much, and maybe you need some adjustments. I mean, I’ve been on meds before where sometimes I felt fine and sometimes I did not, but that fluctuation was indicative of instability... because for every time I felt “okay,” I had an equal amount of times where I didn’t feel okay.

I know it’s easy to convince yourself it’s not a big deal anymore because you’re feeling okay now, but if you haven’t changed your meds, who’s to say that feeling won’t come back again in... say... 24 hrs, a few days, a week, etc?

[Victoria'smom]

After putting June-now together I will be calling tomorrow. I will start to make daily notes and erase the insignificant ones before my appointments.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

After putting June-now together I will be calling tomorrow. I will start to make daily notes and erase the insignificant ones be me to before my appointments.

I have found keeping a journal very helpful, especially when I am not doing well.
I think you can do more than you think you can; yet, you can only learn this if you allow yourself to try. I believe in you!

[Victoria'smom]

The note I'm giving Pdoc when I see her. Hopefully tomorrow. I tried to keep my option out of it and just list what has been going on. Hopefully she can help.

Possible trigger:

Still- loud head, anxiety/ feel like I can’t breath, feel like someone is watching me. Sensation of bugs on me.

8/24 Realized I’m pulling at my hair for the pain and “snapping” sound.

8/22- asked for the mini screwdrivers to be put up because I was thinking of hurting myself with them. Wanted meds to quiet head. Went to XXXXXX eval for therapy thought they would hospitalize me. Head loud, anxious, felt like someone was behind me. Made a safety plan. Dx. me as schizo affective

8/21- Home alone, felt like a burden/semi suicidal (had no access to anything) Scared, thought someone would break in and hurt me, Felt like someone was behind me. Became so scared that I cried and went to bed. Too scared to use the bathroom. Head loud, tired, not sleeping well

8/20- home alone, Scared, thought someone would break in and hurt me, Felt like someone was behind me.

8/17- Asked for the razors to be put up as I wanted to cut my tattoo out of my wrist (thought this multiple days before asking for them to be put up).

Beginning of Aug: Almost stopped medication because I didn’t feel it was helping.

July-Aug Not sleeping well, anxious, head loud, Fear of hospitalization.

7/7- feel confused, stressed, and anxious, hearing things. Wanting to hurt myself. I feel nothing and guilt at the same time. Not talking, not sleeping well.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Good job with the list MM. I'm glad you are telling them your fear of going IP. I was TERRIFIED of IP, partly because I knew I might run into my own patient since I worked in psych and partly because it's just not a favored vacation spot. My pdoc knew about my fear and really worked with me on it. She managed to help me stay out until I went on my MAOI and couldn't handle the cross taper without help. She told me so much about it and calmed me down about it and when I did have that first stay it was ok and the other 4 times much easier than that. But if she hadn't known my fear she might have hospitalized me sooner and when I was terrified. It's good for them to know fears like that.

[yellow_fleurs]

That's great you made the list and are thinking of doing daily notes. I think you may have inspired me to make notes myself because I can really see the use in it. I hope everything goes well when you speak with them.

[fern46]

Nice job on your journal. I feel like it will be helpful for you, your pdoc and your T. Good luck making your call today.

[Victoria'smom]

One hour until I call.

[Victoria'smom]

9:20 tomorrow.

Good luck with your appt. Glad they could squeeze you in so quickly.

[Wild Coyote]

Good job!
I hope you will find your efforts helpful.

[Jedi67]

great job. awesome to hear! good luck with your appt.
glad they could see you.

[Victoria'smom]

I still feel over dramatic and selfish moving the appointment up but I'm trying to remind myself I need sleep and that no one wants me this uncomfortable. I will probably apologize tomorrow. I wish I had coping skills for bugs.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I still feel over dramatic and selfish moving the appointment up but I'm trying to remind myself I need sleep and that no one wants me this uncomfortable. I will probably apologize tomorrow. I wish I had coping skills for bugs.

If I'm really overwhelmed by the bug feeling, I take a shower. It surprisingly helps me a lot. It also helps me to lay down if I'm feeling the bugs on my back, for example.

You may even benefit from a walk outside or sit out on your front porch (if you have one). I know that sounds counterintuitive since there are actually bugs outside, but the fresh air can help you relax.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I still feel over dramatic and selfish moving the appointment up but I'm trying to remind myself I need sleep and that no one wants me this uncomfortable. I will probably apologize tomorrow. I wish I had coping skills for bugs.

Just keep reminding yourself that it wasn't your job to decide if and when to be seen. The professional who is assigned that role did that part. You handled your part beautifully which was to determine if you need help, to be honest about your experiences and to make the call.

Sorry about the bugs. I like Bluebicycle's suggestion to replace one sensation with another.

[Victoria'smom]

Showers usually help but not enough today. I tried lying down and not moving but that didn't help. I'll have to try going outside.

[MickeyCheeky]

Be kind to yourself, Miguel'smom! You're just doing what's necessary for your own health! Be proud of yourself for the steps you're taking. Take a deep breath, keep distracting yourself with what you can, remind yourself you're important and you're doing ALL of this for your own health! Keep us updated if you wish to do so. Feel free to PM me anytime when you need Advice and Support! Also I'm sure plenty of others will be glad to listen to you. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Miguel'smom, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Please keep fighting and keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already wonderfully doing entirely on your own. PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND DO KEEP ROCKING!

[Victoria'smom]

So I think I'm "up" the leg bouncing gives it away. My husband found my ambien prescription so I may take that tonight.

[Jedi67]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So I think I'm "up" the leg bouncing gives it away. My husband found my ambien prescription so I may take that tonight.

I get the leg "bouncies" too. my wife calls it that lol.
hope the ambien helps.