Bipolar check in #37

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Possible trigger:

I can't stop self harming. Or getting high. Once I start either I can't stop. I still want to die. I should. I'm a disgusting piece of **** and I don't deserve any of the good things this world has to offer, God has personally told me this.

Therapy didn't help one bit. And I'm getting angry at my car. And I'm getting even angrier at myself for not fixing the things wrong with it.

Should I make another attempt at group today?

Good Morning!

You deserve good things! If you are told otherwise, it's a lie.
Yes, go to group today. Stick with it. In time, you will feel more at home there!
The members there need you and you need them right now.
We need you, too!

Check in after group if you want to let us know how it goes!

Sep 11, 2019 at 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Should I make another attempt at group today?

Yes. Absolutely avail yourself of this. Sending good thoughts. Let us know how it goes, ok? And btw, YOU DO DESERVE THE GOOD THINGS.

yellow_fleurs · Sep 11, 2019 at 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's great that you know your needs.

I hope you find a very helpful therapist, too.
I have had a hard time making changes at times, even though changes have paid off! I hope any change you might make will bless you a thousand times over!

Thank you! I don't know if I feel like I know my needs. I feel confused if switching therapists is just avoiding addressing other underlying issues like my current therapist wants to explore or if it's taking charge and getting the treatment I need. At least I know ERP is the evidence-based treatment for OCD so that's encouraging. I'm sure I do have other issues but right now a lot of that seems speculative and the OCD is a clear goal I can work on. One step at a time, right?

Sep 11, 2019 at 10:48 AM

I wouldn't even know what to say if I go. Am I supposed to get out my whole back story? Do I need to complain to a bunch of mentally ill people who have gone through much worse about my trauma? Do I tell everyone that a large percentage of my body is covered in cuts and bruises? What do I say and how do I say it?

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

I wouldn't even know what to say if I go. Am I supposed to get out my whole back story? Do I need to complain to a bunch of mentally ill people who have gone through much worse about my trauma? Do I tell everyone that a large percentage of my body is covered in cuts and bruises? What do I say and how do I say it?

Just go with the flow! attend and then decide at what level you might share.

You can do this!

Moose72 · Sep 11, 2019 at 11:51 AM

Feeling meh again. Kids are driving me crazy. I just got up at 10:00 and here it is almost 1 and I am exhausted.

fern46 · Sep 11, 2019 at 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

I wouldn't even know what to say if I go. Am I supposed to get out my whole back story? Do I need to complain to a bunch of mentally ill people who have gone through much worse about my trauma? Do I tell everyone that a large percentage of my body is covered in cuts and bruises? What do I say and how do I say it?

Just start talking and let it flow. Try not to compare your trauma to others. Keep in mind that your sharing may be theraputic to someone else. You might inspire them to share something they wouldn't have otherwise.

Maybe start with the most pressing issues of cutting and thoughts of not being worthy of your life or good things.

You can do this Spikes. And don't forget about this place as a form of therapy. Keep sharing here if you want. We'll talk to you and share with you.

Sep 11, 2019 at 12:04 PM

I'm home from my first official volunteer day. Actually, it was just from 10 am to 12 noon, but the drive added almost 40 mins each way. It went well. Less chaotic than yesterday. I liked the lady that was training me.

I wondered if a local Italian People's Bakery was still in the area, and it was. I bought a loaf of caraway seeded rye bread and a treat, and they gave me a second loaf for free, deliberately. That was nice. Maybe next week I'll get some other freebie. Maybe. I'm thinking of going to the store to buy some corned beef and sauerkraut to make Rubens. Hubby loves them. I'll make my own homemade Russian dressing.

Life seems nice. I'm happy right now, but perfectly stable.

I need to do some work on hubby's project. I did little yesterday. I'm hoping to sort of finish my part by this Friday, but I'll offer to help with even more. He may send his nephew to Vienna soon for a mission related to the project. Vienna is less than 4 hours drive from Prague, Czech Republic. Or similar by train.

Victoria'smom · Sep 11, 2019 at 01:49 PM

Well new t is useless. She told me crying is how girls release their emotions, SI is a teen thing, psychosis can only be dealt with more meds and if I didn't lie on my depression form we'd "Have to talk about our options". She doesn't think I'm on enough meds and wants me to switch to their dr. I'm moderately depressed acourden to her work sheet. Her feeling is mania ALWAYS leads to the hospital. I'm going to bring her my mood/ event/ thought chart next time. She signed me up for a program for people who drop out of therapy a lot. So it's not like I can ghost her. It was all around bad. I doubt she sees it that way

BeyondtheRainbow · Sep 11, 2019 at 01:57 PM

I'm sorry it didn't go well MM. Maybe it will improve with time. I've always needed some adjustment time to really know and trust new therapists. The one I had now had a lot of strict ideas about hospitalization but my pdoc didn't so I wasn't hospitalized when he thought I should be a bunch of times. Now he doesn't worry about it and knows I do what I have to do to be safe and will go IP if needed. He definitely is aware of when things are bad and he monitors carefully and contacts my pdoc if he is really concerned and thinks I can't communicate effectively but he definitely no longer freaks out. Hopefully your therapist will get used to your symptoms and adjust too.

Sep 11, 2019 at 02:02 PM

I have a nastyass headache right now. I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of sleep. Ugh. I'm also irritated as all f_ck.

I asked my therapy office to ping my therapist because she isn't responding to me, and my pdoc's assistant is a useless moron who thinks I have basic anxiety and not to worry about it.

I've made like NO progress at work this week. Ugh. I can't concentrate on anything because I am being bombarded with so many thoughts.

fern46 · Sep 11, 2019 at 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm home from my first official volunteer day. Actually, it was just from 10 am to 12 noon, but the drive added almost 40 mins each way. It went well. Less chaotic than yesterday. I liked the lady that was training me.

I wondered if a local Italian People's Bakery was still in the area, and it was. I bought a loaf of caraway seeded rye bread and a treat, and they gave me a second loaf for free, deliberately. That was nice. Maybe next week I'll get some other freebie. Maybe. I'm thinking of going to the store to buy some corned beef and sauerkraut to make Rubens. Hubby loves them. I'll make my own homemade Russian dressing.

Life seems nice. I'm happy right now, but perfectly stable.

I need to do some work on hubby's project. I did little yesterday. I'm hoping to sort of finish my part by this Friday, but I'll offer to help with even more. He may send his nephew to Vienna soon for a mission related to the project. Vienna is less than 4 hours drive from Prague, Czech Republic. Or similar by train.

I'm so glad it went well today!

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I have a nastyass headache right now. I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of sleep. Ugh. I'm also irritated as all f_ck.

I asked my therapy office to ping my therapist because she isn't responding to me, and my pdoc's assistant is a useless moron who thinks I have basic anxiety and not to worry about it.

I've made like NO progress at work this week. Ugh. I can't concentrate on anything because I am being bombarded with so many thoughts.

Were you able to get something to eat?
Staying hydrated?

Glad you have called your therapist again! Good job!!!
Your situation is enough to cause a headache and more!!!

Breathe deeply and slowly.. calm yourself if you can do so.

I think you are almost there, as far as getting a provider to respond! I hope so!
I am around... I just had to take a couple of calls.

Hang in there!

Sep 11, 2019 at 04:56 PM

Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm home from my first official volunteer day. Actually, it was just from 10 am to 12 noon, but the drive added almost 40 mins each way. It went well. Less chaotic than yesterday. I liked the lady that was training me.

I wondered if a local Italian People's Bakery was still in the area, and it was. I bought a loaf of caraway seeded rye bread and a treat, and they gave me a second loaf for free, deliberately. That was nice. Maybe next week I'll get some other freebie. Maybe. I'm thinking of going to the store to buy some corned beef and sauerkraut to make Rubens. Hubby loves them. I'll make my own homemade Russian dressing.

Life seems nice. I'm happy right now, but perfectly stable.

I need to do some work on hubby's project. I did little yesterday. I'm hoping to sort of finish my part by this Friday, but I'll offer to help with even more. He may send his nephew to Vienna soon for a mission related to the project. Vienna is less than 4 hours drive from Prague, Czech Republic. Or similar by train.

I'm am very happy for you! Sounds like you have had a good day!
The sandwiches sound delicious!
Thanks for sharing about your upbeat day!

Sep 11, 2019 at 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)

Happy upcoming birthday, spikes! I hope you enjoy the day.

Blue_Bird · Sep 11, 2019 at 05:43 PM

My case manager is getting me signed up with a vocational rehabilitation program to help me get a job. Very excited about that! Saw my doctor, some adjustments with my meds, hopefully things go smoothly.

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My case manager is getting me signed up with a vocational rehabilitation program to help me get a job. Very excited about that! Saw my doctor, some adjustments with my meds, hopefully things go smoothly.

Wow!

I am very excited for you!
Good luck with this! I hope you will keep us up to date!

Wild Coyote · Sep 11, 2019 at 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I know this is a few hours early but I did not want to miss your day! EnJOY!!!!

Nammu · Sep 11, 2019 at 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)

Happy birthday!

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Bipolar check in #37

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Anonymous43918 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 11, 2019 at 10:48 AM #264 I wouldn't even know what to say if I go. Am I supposed to get out my whole back story? Do I need to complain to a bunch of mentally ill people who have gone through much worse about my trauma? Do I tell everyone that a large percentage of my body is covered in cuts and bruises? What do I say and how do I say it?
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Anonymous43918 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 11, 2019 at 04:56 PM #274 Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,230 (SuperPoster!) 11 14.8k hugs given	Sep 11, 2019 at 05:43 PM #277 My case manager is getting me signed up with a vocational rehabilitation program to help me get a job. Very excited about that! Saw my doctor, some adjustments with my meds, hopefully things go smoothly. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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