[bshaffer836]

I think I’m addicted to being sad. Anyone else feel that way?

[~Christina]

When I’m depressed I am a bundle of self loathing and feeling like a burden.

It’s not that I’m addicted to feeling bad it’s just that I’m stuck and feel I don’t “ deserve “ happiness

[fern46]

I can see how a pattern of depression behaves like an addiction. It feeds on itself and you go lower and lower until something gives. Also, the work required to disrupt and break the thought patterns of depression lean on coping skills the same way addiction therapy does. The toll it takes on your life also mirrors that of addiction. Additionally, addiction and depression both interact with some of the same chemicals and systems in the brain. Maybe we need a 12 step program for depression. The serenity prayer certainly applies.

This topic really piqued my interest, so I did a little googling on it. I found an interesting article that discussed how some people can seemingly become addicted to grief. I know that grief and depression are slightly different animals, but I'm assuming their similarities are sufficient enough for the same theory to apply. Maybe? In the article Addicted To Grief? Chronic Grief Activates Pleasure Areas Of The Brain -- ScienceDaily there is a statement that reads:

"New research now suggests that people who never get over their loss [grief], who never 'let go,' may be activating neurons in the reward centers of the brain, possibly giving these memories addiction-like properties."

The article goes on to say:

"...according to Mary-Frances O'Connor, UCLA assistant professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study...The idea is that when our loved ones are alive, we get a rewarding cue from seeing them or things that remind us of them...After the loved one dies, those who adapt to the loss stop getting this neural reward. But those who don't adapt continue to crave it, because each time they do see a cue, they still get that neural reward. Of course, all of this is outside of conscious thought, so there isn't an intention about it."

I can see the above with regular depression, as well, though perhaps for different reasons. Being depressed can give us some things, in a rather sordid way. Do they perhaps give us a sympathy from others (or even oneself) that is peculiarly enticing. Such as a type of attention? I've also heard of some people say that "Feeling pain is much better than feeling nothing at all."

I wonder what other reasons there may be for such a phenomena?

[bshaffer836]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

When I’m depressed I am a bundle of self loathing and feeling like a burden.

It’s not that I’m addicted to feeling bad it’s just that I’m stuck and feel I don’t “ deserve “ happiness

I feel that too, but i think I deserve to feel sadness and not happiness. To the point where I like being sad now :/

[bshaffer836]

Originally Posted by fern46

I can see how a pattern of depression behaves like an addiction. It feeds on itself and you go lower and lower until something gives. Also, the work required to disrupt and break the thought patterns of depression lean on coping skills the same way addiction therapy does. The toll it takes on your life also mirrors that of addiction. Additionally, addiction and depression both interact with some of the same chemicals and systems in the brain. Maybe we need a 12 step program for depression. The serenity prayer certainly applies.

I don’t want to go to rehab to be honest sadnesses has become my new happy place.

[bshaffer836]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

This topic really piqued my interest, so I did a little googling on it. I found an interesting article that discussed how some people can seemingly become addicted to grief. I know that grief and depression are slightly different animals, but I'm assuming their similarities are sufficient enough for the same theory to apply. Maybe? In the article Addicted To Grief? Chronic Grief Activates Pleasure Areas Of The Brain -- ScienceDaily there is a statement that reads:

"New research now suggests that people who never get over their loss [grief], who never 'let go,' may be activating neurons in the reward centers of the brain, possibly giving these memories addiction-like properties."

The article goes on to say:

"...according to Mary-Frances O'Connor, UCLA assistant professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study...The idea is that when our loved ones are alive, we get a rewarding cue from seeing them or things that remind us of them...After the loved one dies, those who adapt to the loss stop getting this neural reward. But those who don't adapt continue to crave it, because each time they do see a cue, they still get that neural reward. Of course, all of this is outside of conscious thought, so there isn't an intention about it."

I can see the above with regular depression, as well, though perhaps for different reasons. Being depressed can give us some things, in a rather sordid way. Do they perhaps give us a sympathy from others (or even oneself) that is peculiarly enticing. Such as a type of attention? I've also heard of some people say that "Feeling pain is much better than feeling nothing at all."

I wonder what other reasons there may be for such a phenomena?

Wow I never thought of it this way, but it does explain a lot.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bshaffer836

I don’t want to go to rehab to be honest sadnesses has become my new happy place.

Rehab for depression. Like going to IP/IOP basically. Are you happy, or comfortable? Happiness with depression is an interesting oxymoron.

I think the world would be swimming in a pool of depression if happiness had to be earned. Also, I feel like depression isn't a punishment.

[bshaffer836]

I think I’m probably comfortable at the moment with just exsisting. Im in the kind of state where nothing really matters. I’m the kind of sad where words are pointless I don’t talk much these days. But I have good days mixed in too. The sadness just stands out to me more.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bshaffer836

I think I’m probably comfortable at the moment with just exsisting. Im in the kind of state where nothing really matters. I’m the kind of sad where words are pointless I don’t talk much these days. But I have good days mixed in too. The sadness just stands out to me more.

^ ^ ^ How I would describe depression.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bshaffer836

I think I’m probably comfortable at the moment with just exsisting. Im in the kind of state where nothing really matters. I’m the kind of sad where words are pointless I don’t talk much these days. But I have good days mixed in too. The sadness just stands out to me more.

Have you tried journaling ?? I have a love hate relationship with it. I use to do it on my computer but I found I always went back to re read what I write a week ago or a month. So it kinda held me hostage, I mean why should be allowed to feel better , I’m useless I’m a burden. So...

I started writing and shredding the paper once I finished. Every single day I would write, it wasn’t all about how I was feeling , I’d write down what I cleaned or made for dinner or a tv show, some days I’d write an angry letter to myself. But I always destroyed it.

Things did start to improve, by committing to writing every single day whether it was feelings or not I was making myself a routine. The more routines we lay out for ourselves the more control we begin to feel subconsciously and it will begin chipping away at your feeling not worthy of happiness , love or being content.

We all have to start somewhere.. maybe try this exercise ? All it takes is a pen and a piece of paper

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bshaffer836

I think I’m probably comfortable at the moment with just exsisting. Im in the kind of state where nothing really matters. I’m the kind of sad where words are pointless I don’t talk much these days. But I have good days mixed in too. The sadness just stands out to me more.

I've never really experienced serious depression. This description helps me to better understand. Thank you.

I'm glad you are able to experience good days as well. It is important not to loose sight that happiness is possible and that other states of being can be achieved. Remaining open to other emotions flowing in during the moment is important. It keeps hope alive and opens the door for change.

[bshaffer836]

Originally Posted by BethRags

^ ^ ^ How I would describe depression.

Nice to know I’m not the only one. I should have known that though

[bshaffer836]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Have you tried journaling ?? I have a love hate relationship with it. I use to do it on my computer but I found I always went back to re read what I write a week ago or a month. So it kinda held me hostage, I mean why should be allowed to feel better , I’m useless I’m a burden. So...

I started writing and shredding the paper once I finished. Every single day I would write, it wasn’t all about how I was feeling , I’d write down what I cleaned or made for dinner or a tv show, some days I’d write an angry letter to myself. But I always destroyed it.

Things did start to improve, by committing to writing every single day whether it was feelings or not I was making myself a routine. The more routines we lay out for ourselves the more control we begin to feel subconsciously and it will begin chipping away at your feeling not worthy of happiness , love or being content.

We all have to start somewhere.. maybe try this exercise ? All it takes is a pen and a piece of paper

I write sometimes but not every day. I might try to write more. Thank you