[ladyconfused]

I just wanted to see I what I was feeling was normal. So, I’ve been bipolar majority of my life. Just wasn’t fully diagnosed until about three years ago. Every single romantic relationship I’ve been in I start to have serious doubts about the relationship. Yes, there usually are stressor before these intrusive thoughts start. I’ve been with my husband 10 years, married 8. I have had doubts on and off throughout our relationship. But the thoughts never stick. I’ve recently started Lamotrigine. At dosage of 50 mg right now. I can off of abilify. It’s been rough. Maybe medication is causing thoughts? I started to have constant thoughts about not loving my husband, maybe I’m just scared to be alone, maybe I want to be alone, he doesn’t deserve this. But I know when I’m not obsessing that I’m crazy about him! He really is the love of my life. He is the only person I would fight this hard for against these thoughts. I’d never just leave, cheat, or anything. He’s really supportive as well. I tell him I don’t know why he deals with it. He tells me it’s not me. Does anyone have any experience with this? Or has ever heard of this? Sometimes I have severely high anxiety and other times I feel numb but the thoughts never stop. I want to be the BEST for my husband... please.

[yellow_fleurs]

I experience this too sometimes, but think it might be because I have OCD (at least partly). I doubt a lot of things because of that. I am sure there could be a lot of other reasons for it. Have you talked to a therapist about it? I am sorry you are experiencing these doubts.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes this happens to me a lot. It's my first sign I'm going into an episode. Both depression and mania. They persist until I'm stable. He's the first one my head turns against.

First thing that happens is I assess my feelings. I promise if after 6 months of feeling this way consistently I will take steps to separate including and starting with couples therapy. Until the six months are up I have to concentrate on getting healthy. For me that means meds and therapy. Now if I ever don't feel that way the clock towards 6 months start over.

[~Christina]

You said your on 50 mg of Lamictal...so you can stop Abilify ?

The average therapeutic range for Lamictal is 300 mg

Why are you stopping Abilify ?

[ladyconfused]

Yes, I came off of abilify for weight gain but right now it really doesn’t feel worth it.

[~Christina]

I hear you on the weight gain.

But 50mg of Lamictal is pretty useless alone for Bipolar and it really only works on the depressive end.

I not saying how your feeling is wrong at all. When I have been unstable I have at times to questioned my marriage and whole life in general.

Bipolar warps our thoughts and feelings.

Does your Pdoc plan to add a mood stabilizer to take with your Lamictal?

[unicornlady]

I absolutely do this whenever I go hypomanic or manic. I question my relationship big time. Usually I get through it by being honest with my partner. He is used to me saying we shouldn't get married, or that I'm thinking about us breaking up, and he knows that I'm sick at that time and it's not me actually wanting those things. I'm very lucky to have a partner who wouldn't give up on me when I say those things. Sounds like your husband is similarly understanding, and that you're doing good work keeping the instability from ruining your relationship. Keep it up - it seems like you really love him and can make this marriage last, even if you doubt it sometimes when you're not well.

[sarahsweets]

Are you on an antidepressant? I know for me, the SNRI class of antidepressants combined with the lamictal is what saved me. Cristina is right about 50mg being pretty useless although I know they start out low to monitor for side effects. I take 500mg and cymbalta.

[ladyconfused]

I am currently tapering up to 100 mg. But these thoughts are uncontrollable most of the day. I have another week until I jump from 50mg to 100mg. Will it get better? Sometimes I don’t know how I’ll take it. I thought it was odd I was only in Lamictal not Bipolar I. But in the grand scheme of things all of this is worth it to better myself and better myself for my husband.

[ladyconfused]

I’m not entirely sure? I thought it was odd to be on only Lamictal for bipolar I. I am currently tapering up to 100 mg. But these thoughts are uncontrollable most of the day. I have another week until I jump from 50mg to 100mg. Seems so far away for something that may or may not make me feel better/worse.

[Victoria'smom]

Both myself and my husband have been or is on 100 mg lamictal. As our only mood stablizer. We've both dx bp1 at different points. The highest dose either of us have been on is 200mg. My husband also takes wellbutrin. So 100 mg may be enough depending on the person. Keep an eye on your symptoms see if they get better. It takes awhile to get to therapeutic dose.

[unicornlady]

I found that lamictal was not helpful until I got to 100mg, at which point it is very helpful. Hang in there, and it might end up being helpful for you.