[BipolarWolf]

I know that some are religious here. I myself do not identify with any certain religion. But am somewhat hopeful in the faith that god exists, and we all aren't just some terribly gone wrong experiment developed in test tubes somewhere.

I am curious if peoples faith has been tested to the point of giving up in faith as I did at one time. I know that for many years I completely lost all hope and faith and it took a lot for me to come around again in my thinking. In all honesty I hated him for giving me a faulty brain and body.

How has being bipolar affected your faith? There are some that might say that they actually hear god who are bipolar in their head during both high and low periods of bipolar. Faith can be an immense help when dealing with the highs and lows of being bipolar for some. Much like a coping mechanism.

[HALLIEBETH87]

oh man do I. last week I had a nasty self-pity night. I cried myself to sleep and argued with myself and told God I was mad etc. see I was raised in a traumatizing home with an abusive step-mom (step-monster!) I sometimes don't understand how I had such a ****** childhood and now I have to deal with the nightmares, panic, flashbacks and bad memories. and on top of that I have schizoaffective and get psychosis a lot. I often get depressed and wonder why I have this particular existence. but then I see what I really have,

I have a story. I can help others. I have empathy and ability to understand others to the point of being able to help its why I want to do social work. its why I am passionate about peer support. yes I get mad at the God I identify with. (I am a Christian.) but I accept it.

[unicornlady]

I am only religious when manic.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Ohhhhhh that’s a horse of a different color.

When I’m manic I go beyond religious. It overcomes me. I listen to worship music nonstop. I have to sing it over and over so god knows I love him and satan can’t harm me.

It gets really out there. When I start talking about satan-help me.

[sophiebunny]

I'm an Orthodox Jew. We just completed the holidays in the Hebrew month of Tishrei. Those holidays include Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchas Torah. Tishrei reminds me that there is a G-d I am bonded to, who I have obligations to, and Who chooses to have obligations to me. I learned as a very little girl lighting Shabbos candles that my soul reaches up to G-d just as a flame reaches for the Sublime. I survived a indescribable childhood because my inner flame continued to reach for the Sublime. I keep trying because I am in a relationship with G-d and trying is part of my commitment.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm a Catholic who has had her share of crises of faith. Even now, I wonder sometimes if the amazing revelations I've experienced come from God or from mania. I know I tend to have religious delusions during manic episodes. But I prefer to believe that my relationship with Him is real and He actually does live within me, even though I don't always behave that way.

[fern46]

Your title says it all. Faith is quite complicated. It can also be quite simple. Dualism is so tricky!

I have had my challenges with faith over the years. I was raised under the Baptist faith. I went through a crisis of faith in my early 20s when I realized a lot of what I had been taught no longer added up for me. I went on a mission to find truth. I studied a little bit of everything. My hypothesis was that most faiths and philosophies shared common threads. These threads stood the test of time and brought all methods together despite the differences. These threads spoke to me as truth.

There is a lot of who's God is better arguing to participate in if you are so inclined. All of these God personalities have given many valuable experiences over time. However, it is my belief they all emanante from a common Source. This is the Source of All and there are there are infinite faces. When I pray and ask for support I seek guidance and assistance from those who resonate with my own personal values and intent. I have faith in those who walk a path similar to mine and those who have done it much better than I ever could. Ultimately, I have faith in myself and my own intentions.

Like I said, I studied a little bit of everything. Even those faiths that were opposite to my own energy. When I was in psychosis some very dark energy came forward. I feel like episodes pull things up from deep within your subconscious. It felt like an all out war for my soul was going on. My older brother genuinely believes I was possessed. I feel like my truest self won out in the end, but it was a severe crisis there for a while.

I'm a lot more careful now about how I choose to focus my time spent studying or connecting with spirituality now. Garbage in = garbage out.

ETA: What is 'dark' to me os simply that which feels the opposite of my preferred state of being. That state is someone else's 'Heaven'. I don't judge it, and I have a lot of respect for practices that differ greatly from my own. Life is all about choices and I believe in freedom to choose. I add this to clarify my garbage comment above. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

[bpcyclist]

Although baptized as an adult, I have been a Christian since childhood. I came to it on my own. No idea why. Made my mother furious when I would ask her to drive me so I could go to church--alone. It was just always important to me, from earliest years.

Between 2010 and 2012, I was abused and tortured by a group of detectives with our local police bureau. I had a prior history of physical and emotional abuse during my training years, but what these detectives did to me and my mental health was in a whole other stratosphere. Very, very long story, which I might possibly tell at some point. No charges of any kind were ever filed. In any event, what happened to me and most especially the reaction of those "in my life" to what I told them was happening to me (which was that I was an insane bipolar person who was permanently psychotic and inventing the entire thing), the sum total of all this was so totally devastating that I just gave up. I stopped praying and talking to God. Stopped believing He cared about me. Basically, my position was I loved Him, but He apparently did not care for me anymore. So, I lost my faith in 2011ish.

It took probably 3 years to begin to get that back. It was a lot of work. But now I'm pretty good. I still have horrible PTSD and I do, in fact, experience psychosis, some of it due to what happened to me. But I am carrying on. I survived it. And my relationship with God now has never been stronger.