Bipolar check in #39

A mess is an understatement. I remember taking that very first Depakote - my first bipolar med--KNOWING I'd gain weight. And look! I gained weight and its just gotten worse. I've lost 20-some pounds from my highest but I'm stuck. Being low on food doesn't help- my food choices are ok but not exactly "healthy".

I went to the doctor today. We’re going to move forward with the elbow surgery and do an X-ray for my leg pain. She helped me feel loads better that the leg pain isn’t necessarily related to the pain I’m getting checked out for November 5th. She thinks it’s either referred pain from my hip (boo) or connective tissue damage (hiss). Both doctors will compare notes and we’ll proceed. I need to work on the cognitive distortion of catastrophic thinking. Even if it is serious, that kind of thinking doesn’t solve anything.

Two family friends came by today and cooked a hearty beef stew, worked on the deck and wouldn’t let me isolate. Lots of hugs all around. It really cheered me up.

Thank you for letting me talk through my fears and for the well wishes. I really appreciate it.

I have my dr appt for my symptoms tomorrow. I hope we can figure out what’s going on. I’m tired of feeling this way. It’s really getting on my nerves. I ate a full dinner two hours ago and I’m starving already. I also drank like four glasses of water and I’m still thirsty. I hate it. I hope my dr can help me. I know I’ll have to get bloodwork done. I told my principal that I got another job offer and I was going to take it. I won’t go in for the rest of the week so I can get all my medical things taken care of. I have to get a physical and a drug test for my new job as well so that’s why I decided to make today my last day.

Next week is “fall recess” for my son so I’ll have him all week before I start work on Monday. I don’t have any idea what we will do. Maybe I will take him to the trampoline park one of those days.

I’m so tired. Forgot to take melatonin last night so I was up until about 1am. For shame.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I hope you have had a good day!
I also hope your birthday wish comes true!

I hope your pdoc and your T are helpful.

I take care of my mom, too.

How nice! So glad you have friends who will help out!

This med often helps many. I hope you can get some decent sleep!

Oh! I hate that! It can be torture!

I hope you get some decent sleep. I also hope you get relief from sensitivities.
Much Love

I’m sorry your sleep is so poor

I wish your Pdoc could find a way to help you get more

Oh no on the surgery , but I’m sure it will be worth it after healing fully. I’m glad you have a compassionate Doctor.

Beef stew ?? Oh that sounds fabulous!

We are all here to listen to anything

My stomach is worse. Sigh ... GP and pdoc believe it is most likely due to tapering off of Lithium. Although, this severity of stomach symptoms is rare. My stomach was in bad shape in May/June. Many tests were done finding me to be in perfect health. It was thought that the PTSD and anxiety was the cause. I had been struggling a lot at that point. It passed and I was back to normal by July. The PTSD has been much calmer lately so it would be weird for that to be the cause. Oh well, either way all I can do is try to eat and drink enough, try to have a normal (ish) life, and wait it out. I won't be lowering my Lithium dose any time soon.

Today I noticed my physical issues are starting to effect my mood. I am flatter than usual, and snappy. AGGGGHHH ... I really am trying to be zen about all this. Not much planned for the rest of this week now I feel so s***. Still not sleeping the best so I have a lot of time to kill. Thankfully I am picking up my partner tomorrow and he is staying with me for a few days. I will do my best not to be grumpy around him. I want to have fun.

My day went well yesterday. I got some stuff done at work, but not as much as I'd like because I kept bouncing back and forth between 4 different things and it was throwing me off. I also didn't really clean my place like I wanted to, as I went into the office for the second time in 3 weeks and was exhausted when I got back. (I worked from 4:30am in the office until 2:30pm...) So, needless to say, I'm kind of all over the place. Have to continue cleaning my place, have to get work done by mid November, etc.. I also need to remember to take breaks, which I haven't been doing.

I'm getting burnt out, but I keep reminding myself that this work chaos will all be over with by mid November. I just have to hold out for a few more weeks and then I can relax.

Hey Blue!

So glad you have been able to make it into the office.
Yes, please do remember your breaks! And...EAT!!!
Your body/mind needs the fuel.
Take good care of yourself!

Hoping, trying, intending to remain as stable as possible.

Am feeling exhausted. In pain.

Accompanied my mother to an emergent Orthopedic appt. yesterday.
She has torn BOTH rotator cuffs.

Surgical repair is not an option.

She continues to live with the hip joint infection which came from hip replacement surgery almost 2 years ago. This infection (and control thereof) has been tenuous. Specialists predict the infection will last for the rest of her life. (It's a deadly infection if not kept under control. Leads to sepsis, which has already happened once. She was very, very close to losing her life. She continues on daily antibiotics in hopes of suppressing the infection.)

My mother lives with me.
I do not yet know what all of this means. Putting one foot in front of the other.

Love to All

I have a feeling that the Mirapex I started a few weeks ago is starting to work.

It's a very subtle change: I'm enjoying music more and my thoughts are more directed to the future than the past.

I'm not out of the woods yet though, still a way to go but it's a good start.

I contacted my pdoc and requested an increase in the dose. Most meds I try usually go like this...I respond but only partially. I'm hopeful that Mirapex finally gets me out of this depression I've been in.

Sometimes that's all you can do WC, just put one foot in front of the other even though you can't see beyond the current step.

I'm sure your mother feels really reassured in her vulnerable state that you are there with her, even though she might not actually say it.

Hi Scooter9 !

Oh, wow! Wonderful!
I hope this is just the beginning of good things to come!

I remain optimistic for you!

Much love to you and to yours!

My sister and I saw our dad yesterday. He was better than the last time we saw him, but still quite unwell. We're unsure how much he'll really recover.

Apparently my siblings got my dad to agree to let them look at his mail. We went yesterday and paid his property taxes. My sister has some level of power of attorney to do so with his checks. I told my sister that I was greatly surprised to find hundreds of thousands of dollars missing from his account. He should not have had to use any of that given the stock market, his pension, and Social Security. He hasn't had a mortgage in decades and his taxes are quite low due to a farm assessment. His cars are old and the recent one is leased. We need to know where the money went. I am certain he is being exploited financially. We hear stories of people showing up at his doorstep for money. People normally not even associated with him. We feel a couple/few people have drained him of large amounts. He calls these people "friends". We may want to take more control soon. My sister will retire at the end of January. She might take this responsibility, maybe even sooner. At least my siblings and I trust each other completely. It would be even harder if that was not true.

My dad once said that when my mom was alive they discussed putting money into a trust for my siblings and me, and that Dad would receive the income on investments plus his pension and SS, but they didn't in the end. So my dad had full control. Look what's happened! Almost 50% of the original is gone. I believe mental illness has played a part in this.

Oh, BirdDancer,

I am sorry your dad continues unwell.

It's a good thing you and your family are getting a handle on things. I realize much is missing. I hope there is enough for your dad to live on.

It's a tremendous blessing that you and your siblings are able to trust one another. Many cannot .

I hope you are able to stop the financial bleeding.
I hope your dad recover fully.

Blessings to you and to your family during this difficult time.

Thank you, Wild Coyote. I have also contacted the volunteering director at NAMI and informed her that I can not commit to the weekly volunteering on Wednesday. I let her know that I still wish to volunteer, but more for the many events they host much closer to my home. Or that I would go to their office, but not weekly.

I will leave shortly to go to the urgent care to get the stitches out of my finger. I have my therapist later on. I"m not sure what she'll think about what I did with the volunteering. I didn't want to wait contacting NAMI, because I wanted to give the director a full 24 hours notice.

Good Morning Everyone,

Well I got some decent sleep last night after taking the trazodone for the first time. I still woke up a few times. I woke up today feeling a tiny bit drowsy but my pdoc said that is normal for the first few days. Today is alittle busy for me since I am seeing my friends for lunch and then I gotta write a paper for grad school. Oh I forgot to mention in my introduction that I am a graduate student in mental health counseling. My experience with bipolar actually help me made my decision to go into counseling as a career.

I perceive you as being very charitable. I know I want to do much more than I can do, while maintaining stability. You are doing well to realize what does work best for you! I admire you!

Good Morning!

It must feel good to get some sleep.
I was also a bit drowsy when using trazodone at night. I hope this continues to help you with sleep.

I hope you enjoy time with friends! It's important to make time for these relationships. Good luck with your paper!

Congrats on getting into grad school! I think you will find many friends here with backgrounds in mental health and/or a lot of experience!

Again, welcome!

Well, a small achievement overnight. I slept all the way until 2ish AM, which might not sound like a lot, but for me, is quite an achievement. I really have to get this sleep thing under control because it really exacerbates my bipolar stuff. Am sure it's why I got psychotic the other day. Plus, I've been reading about insomnia in general and it is not encouraging for folks like me. The all-cause mortality rate for people who don't sleep well is way, way higher than it is for people who sleep. Most of it is not cardiac. It's cancer. And I worked for years in a field where I was up all night all the time. So, I'm already behind the eight ball. Anyway, trying to stay positive. Maybe things are getting better.

[QUOTE=bluebicycle;6670249]My day went well yesterday. I got some stuff done at work, but not as much as I'd like because I kept bouncing back and forth between 4 different things and it was throwing me off. I also didn't really clean my place like I wanted to, as I went into the office for the second time in 3 weeks and was exhausted when I got back. (I worked from 4:30am in the office until 2:30pm...) So, needless to say, I'm kind of all over the place. Have to continue cleaning my place, have to get work done by mid November, etc.. I also need to remember to take breaks, which I haven't been doing.


I'm getting burnt out, but I keep reminding myself that this work chaos will all be over with by mid November. I just have to hold out for a few more weeks and then I can relax.

You will certainly be caught up by then

Oh hun ... raging pouring monsoon all rolled into one