Bipolar Check-in #40

After a good nights sleep I woke up with barely any anxiety. Unfortunately, two hours later the anxiety is building fast. In 15 minutes I can g and get some meds for it (I am IP, and the nurses are in the middle of handover). Actually, I think it feels more like agitation than anxiety. Either way the Haloperidol and Lorazepam should calm me down a bit. I hate this feeling. It is a lot like being mixed but without any mood problems. Thanks again to all who are supporting me here, and in my hospital thread. It is impossible to find the right words to explain how grateful I am for this support.

Seriously though? I want a friggin cigarette. That’s why I’m here. Trying to ignore it. Distract! I’m sol anyway bc I can’t go out now and I can’t get any before work tomorrow so the soonest I could get them would be my lunch break. So by then I should be good. Just put a piece of hard candy in my mouth. Hope that helps.

We had a nice night yesterday. Took RS to the Indian restaurant down the street and he loved it. We decided to just go back home instead of out to the movies. Going to the movies on a Friday or Saturday night makes me nervous. Too many other people there. So we went home and watched the hangover pt 2. It was pretty funny.

Today RS had to work his side job again. I got some of my son’s presents wrapped. There are a lot more to wrap though. And I hate wrapping gifts. I can’t make them look pretty. But then I think my son’s not going to care about how well they’re wrapped. He probably won’t even care about the toys either, just the memories we make. We went to the light show again today. It’s a tradition. One I started after my husband had already passed so it’s not tainted by that.

I’m hoping I get enough sleep tonight that I don’t fall asleep during work tomorrow. I really hate that. It’s so embarrassing. I don’t know what my problem is! I wish coffee worked for me.

Great job getting things that will help you stay organized !! I’m glad your feeling more stable

TMI off woman's issues ahead ...
ed
Today I got my period. When I was on a full dose of Lithium I stopped having any PMS symptoms. It used to affect me badly. Now I am a half of my usual Lithium dose (long story as to why I have reduced it) I have noticed my irritability and agitation increase for a few days round that time of the month. My guess is that as I was already in severe distress the PMS just pushed me over the edge. I am going to have to keep a note of my time of the month so I can be better prepared mentally, and have comfort that it will pass.

This is all just a guess but it seems to fit my extreme reactivity. I wish they would start working on an anti-PMS drug to save all us women the trouble this cause.

What happens in menopause? I am now 43 so it isn't that far away. Anyone have stories about going through menopause with Bipolar? Good and bad. I know we are all different. I am just curious about what I may be in for down the track.

Ahhhh good find and in gummy form too ! I’ll have to check out my CVS.

There is a prescription strength it’s normally only for people with very high levels of triglycerides. I don’t see why it couldn’t be given for others. I’m sure insurance companies wouldn’t pay since there is something we can by OTC. I hate insurance companies !!

Oh I get puppy fever when o see that but I have 2 great dog we rescued and they are hard enough to afford food , shots, flea stuff. It is a big expense but they are family so we spoil them LOL

I am so happy you got out and spent time with M !!!!! I know when I see my daughter I’ll be walking on cloud 9 !

Oh ekkkkkk I’m sorry you fell I’m glad you didn’t break anything, I’m sure you will be sore for a while

I tend to have more issues when I have PMS as well, I went through a few years where my period wasn't happening often due to meds and hormone problems, now that they're happening regularly I definitely notice when PMS is happening, I get much more emotional, irritable/agitated, etc. I always start wondering if something is happening to my stability then I look at the calendar and realize that it's likely PMS. I'm going through that right now actually, it's frustrating. That's good that you noticed the correlation, I've started making myself more aware of it too and trying to take it easy on myself during those days

I hate that you are seeing a pattern your cat is being a punk lol

I hope the pattern breaks soon, mine seems pretty solid.

Lack of sleep makes any chore so much more difficult.

Here in this small town everyone knows everybody and always chatting, sometimes I just want to slap them !

Tell me about the meatballs and shrimp ???

I hope things “brighten” up for you.. I know you got a lot of snow, does it keep you inside more than you’d like ??

Your doing great by staying busy

Yes, actually I was just thinking earlier how I feel like I have cabin fever from being inside so much due to the snow. lol I'm trying to get out more though. Tomorrow I have to walk to the laundromat, I'll probably go to the library as well. Tuesday the grocery store and to a friends house, so hopefully that helps

I hope you're doing alright!

I’m sorry your struggling without cigs but you are doing really well !! Pat yourself on the back each time you make it through a craving !!

I remember years ago we had all 4 kids here so we kinda went overboard it took my husband and I almost 6 hours to wrap it all. And the kids all teenagers has everything ripped apart is probably 20 mins .. I swore that day I’d never take a lot of time like that again! Lol your son will love it all.

I bought the makings for two pasta dishes, spaghetti and a white sauce shrimp and pasta dish but forgot the meatballs and shrimp! So now I have a weeks worth of meals planned out for the next week when the forecast calls for cold and snowy. Thursday I take mum in for a blood test and then Friday morning I have the scope thingy. Thankfully my daughter can drive me. Oh lord, I just realized I forgot the peas! Ah well, I'll try carrots.

I’m glad you have things to look forward to that indeed get you out!!

Thanks for asking ...
I’m doing okay, I’m doing even more cleaning that normal , like cleaning the entire kitchen twice a day not just my normal one time lol but it’s how I distract when I’m overthinking something.

Menopause was the best thing that ever happened to me! No more PMS. The hot flashes are no fun but they're temporary and will go away. My bipolar has been more stable since menopause and I'm on less meds for it. Really I think PMS was to blame for a lot of my mood swings

Oh yummy ! Pasta is one thing I’m going to miss after we get back from Florida !! So I’m eating all my favorites before we go LOL I love planning meals.

Oh the scope , so not fun .... I hope it’s as easy as possible for you.

Ooooo I want peas ! My husband loathes then so I rarely have them but now I’m craving them !

The shrimp meal is easy, I use detailed cooked pealed shrimp, peas, any kind of pasta but usually bow tie, Alfredo sauce and occasionally a tiny can of water chestnuts. It's one of mum's favorite meals and so easy

My email and Amazon accounts were hacked. So I changed the passwords of all my important accounts to a jumble of letters and numbers. I then enabled two step verification on any account that supports this. I think all web accounts should have this. Heck, even Amazon does. I have been cleaning up my house and car. I have this energy and focus that I normally do not have. Once I have detailed my car, I am going to sign up to be an Uber driver. I really need the money.

Oh now that sounds yummy !!!!! I never thought about putting water chestnuts in a pasta dish but I am going to try it for sure

I love easy yummy meals

I’m glad you have found some energy to get some things done.

I also have the most complicated passwords I can think of. My Paypal account got hacked a few years ago. What I freaking mess to get straightened out !

I love the ease of things the internet offers but there’s always risks