[xRavenx]

Anyone feel they've unintentionally pushed people away during mania or mixed episodes? I think about strange or grandiose ideas I've had and how paranoid thinking during episodes possibly caused some people to back off. I look back at my conversations with them, and they must have felt uncomfortable/did not know how to respond. So some people distance themselves.

I am sensitive when it comes to people abandoning me, based on my history. What would be a way of handling the embarrassment? Also, there is one friend in particular that I am afraid that I scared off. I was not rude to her in any way, but she must have been affected by the negative energy that was surrounding me during my last episode. I am still having some residual paranoid thoughts from the mixed episode, and I am very depressed. But at least I am not full-blown delusional anymore. Any thoughts, advice, or can relate in any way?

[*Beth*]

I've definitely alienated people during a manic episode, but I don't think those people had much integrity, anyway.

I, too, had a recent delusional episode (that I'm still grappling with to a degree). I am embarrassed because my therapist, pdoc, and their whole office saw me in a paranoid state. When I go back after the holiday it will be somewhat of a challenge.
I'm guessing that many people whose manic episode was witnessed by others feel embarrassed.

I'm right there with you, Raven. I've felt searing embarrassment after mania. I get so over-the-top and grandiose and unrealistic and inappropriate. I usually just suffer my shame in silence. The one time i confronted someone about a particularly shameful action she said to just get over it. She was willing to get past it but i couldn't. I don't know how to forgive myself and move on. So i feel your pain but can't shed any light on the subject.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I'm right there with you, Raven. I've felt searing embarrassment after mania. I get so over-the-top and grandiose and unrealistic and inappropriate. I usually just suffer my shame in silence. The one time i confronted someone about a particularly shameful action she said to just get over it. She was willing to get past it but i couldn't. I don't know how to forgive myself and move on. So i feel your pain but can't shed any light on the subject.

Thank you ((((Hugs))). I'm sorry that you struggle with this too. I wish more people would understand. This definitely makes it really challenging to be able to move forward after an episode.

[bpcyclist]

Yeah, it is hard. I have freaked out so many people over the years that I really couldn't count them all. If it's someone in my inner circle, I just tell them that I was manic or psychotic or whatever and that it is part of my illness and I'm sorry if I upset them. If it's someone that I still want to be in communication with but is not inner circle, I might also approach them the same way.

In the long run, though, my go-to coping mechanism for this is 1) My illness is not my fault; 2) Doing or saying outrageous stuff is a part of this illness; 3) People who truly care about me will look past this sort of stuff; 4) What others think of me is actually none of my business; 5) You guys understand, and these are the things that ultimately really matter to me.