In hospital - would love support

Right now you are safe and cared for. If you can try to keep grounding yourself with the help of staff maybe that will help you feel in the present and not stuck in the past in your mind? Is there anything you can do where you are to help make yourself feel safe? When I feel scared/trapped I try to make my environment (which I realize you have limited control over) safe, cozy, and open. I also try to offer myself lots of self care. So, wrap myself in a warm blanket, watch a cheerful uplifting show, let in the sunlight or go outside in the sun, look at some flowers or nature. Also, I know you must be careful with you hip I think you said? But some gentle exercise or walking might feel good and be grounding?

I'm so sorry Wander. That sounds terrible, but I want to point out that there is a lot to build upon here. You are aware that your thoughts aren't reality and that you are experiencing a reaction. That's exactly the kind of thinking you need.

Try to dissociate from the thoughts and the feelings and view your situation from the outside as an observer would. The thoughts are just that. Thoughts. They are a reaction your brain is having due to a specific set of stimuli. Your emotions are the same. They are a reaction due to specific inputs your are experiencing. Try your best to detach from them a little and observe them more as data and less as the reality you are drowning in. This is similar to meditation techniques where you try to simply let your thoughts pass by while focusing on your breathing. You notice them. You may even see them as interesting, but you don't get involved with them and you let them pass by. Essentially, you don't entangle with your thoughts or emotions to fuel them. You do the same thing for body sensations. You try to have a response of 'oh that's interesting' vs. 'oh no! My heart is beating fast, what if I have a heart attack?'

Your past trauma is the same. You can observe it like a movie you're watching. Its just a movie and it is not your current reality. You can freak out and let it scare the Hell out of you or you can observe and note the scenery and the actors. You can appreciate the story line and make it more clinical feeling than something you are emotionally entangled with. You can fast forward past the scenes you do not prefer to see. You can also fast forward to the scenes you loved the best.

Just some things to try. I'm honestly throwing things at the wall hoping something will stick and provide you even the tiniest bit of relief.

And... If it comes down to it try to remember that a locked door is just that. A door with a lock on it. Metal. It is not the lock or the door that you should be focused on. It is the box with the lock on it in your mind that you've got to open. There's one on your heart too. They are the ones that matter. I don't want to downplay being committed against your will. I have been there and I know it is quite serious. But... It isn't the battle that will assist in your recovery. It is just a physical representation of the true work to be done. Much love to you. Keep fighting. You can do this. You are very very strong.

Thinking of you. Sorry for the last of wise words but just know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I knew what else to say. I'm sorry it is so scary for you.

You said on the check in thread your afraid you will fall. Fall into what ??

Your in a safe place...

When I have felt so afraid and scared of what might happen next .. I throw my hands up I’ll just in a sense give up, stop fighting , just land where ever .... why ?? Because it’s often a huge relief and a big step in the right direction as odd as that may sound.

Your already in a mental place of agony.. things honestly won’t get worse, your in a safe place , your seeing a Pdoc and he is trying to find a combo that will stabilize you. You have nurses to help you.

Many hugs !

Your making sense, your in a crisis mode, your grasping at anything to find “control. “ Sometimes letting go is a much better decision.

I speak from experience with ptsd that at some point before you can begin to heal you have to let go and have that crash, the funny thing is my “ crash “ wasn’t nearly as bad as I had thought and assumed it would be.

I will always have some triggers and some dates of the year will be hard and that’s okay . We can’t erase our past but we can move forward.

You are right. I think I’ve finally crashed, and it’s progress. I’m done fighting. I can’t get up again to fight more. I don’t want to die. I simply need to curl up and rest. I’m exhausted. The nurses are being extra nice. They are/were all so worried about me. I’m so lucky I made it to hospital in time. I hadn’t realised how close to breaking point I was.


Bizi, you mentioned my Lithium. My pdoc doesn’t think I’m manic or mixed, and I just spent 5 months tapering down to half the dose. He did check my levels though. It never stopped me going manic anyway. It calms my impulsively which keeps me safer. I think it’s still working in that regard as if I had of gone through this experience before I started Lithium I would have impulsively destroyed myself by now.

Fall into death. Thanks for your advice. It makes good sense. I get so panicked I can’t think straight. But yeh, my mental state could only get worse by being psychotic. I guess I’m afraid to fall in a heap and quit fighting with such strong SI. Maybe letting go will help. As you mentioned all has, and is, being done to help me. This should bring me some sort of peace. My mind is not my friend right now. I am so thankful for the support I do have. To be able to have others point out the flaws in my thinking helps. Am I making sense?

My pdoc just quickly visited me to make sure I had calmed down. I told him I’m still very agitated but manageable for now.

Now I plead the sleep fairies visit me soon so I punch out of feeling this way. It is like having your body covered in ants and you can’t get them off. Not pleasant to say the least. I can’t concentrate because of it.

Yes you are making complete sense. I can see how that would be terrifying. I agree with Christina though. The one strategy you haven't tried is acceptance and surrender.

I hope you were able to sleep.
and have a better day.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi