[bpcyclist]

Hey, guys. Was just cleaning out my email crap for year-end. Something to do, I guess. Anyhow, I was going through my sent folder and was quite disappointed to discover how many of my notes to supposed dear friends and/or family types had gone totally unresponded-to. Texts, too. Just another aspect of the dehumanization that befalls those of us with this illness, I guess. Anyhow, I expect it by now, so it's not like it's some grand surprise (cue sarcastic laughter).

So, I was wondering, am I the only person in this situation? Is it just me? Do other people just get totally blown off like they don't matter or exist? Do people think we're, like, dead or something? Just wondering.

[SorryShaped]

Most people don't respond to me, either. One person, I had to stop responding to, because they're bad for me. I assumed they didn't reply because I was bad for them. I doubt this is your case

[giddykitty]

Oddest thing! I literally just posted about this in another thread. Yeah ive had several unanswered messages, some of which really hurt and/or surprised me. Like this one girl and I were just texting all friendlylike the night before and then the next day I was blocked. And there were others where I pour my heart out with no response. So I get ya. It can really suck!

[CutegirlS]

People dont respond you feeling so sorry for you. When they have needs they will do.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Most people don't respond to me, either. One person, I had to stop responding to, because they're bad for me. I assumed they didn't reply because I was bad for them. I doubt this is your case

I am sorry about this. I hope you can find some people you can actually depend on.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Oddest thing! I literally just posted about this in another thread. Yeah ive had several unanswered messages, some of which really hurt and/or surprised me. Like this one girl and I were just texting all friendlylike the night before and then the next day I was blocked. And there were others where I pour my heart out with no response. So I get ya. It can really suck!

Yeah, thanks. I don't get people like that. I am so grateful for people here on PC, for you and for SorryShaped. I don't know what I would do without PC!

I've experienced the same, though in my case I don't think it has anything to do with my mental illness.

A plumber was supposed to come on the 24th in the morning. He asked me to text my address. I did and he never showed and never acknowledged my text. When I email my brother and certain others, they never acknowledge it. I read story after story in the newspaper about how many newlyweds don't even send thank you notes for gifts. I guess it's a change in communications, or lack thereof. Even customer service sucks, nowadays. Young people show less respect to adults.

Sometimes people are just bad at responding to texts or emails, so you have to take that into consideration as well. For example, I'll text my mom and she'll never text me back. It's not that she doesn't love me; it's that she's very forgetful and doesn't remember reading my text. Or, sometimes she doesn't read her phone AT ALL. And I don't even bother with voicemails with her because she won't check those. I have to call her to get her attention. It sucks, but she does that to my sister and dad as well; it's just how she is.

I will admit, though, that I've texted people and they purposely never texted me back, despite them texting a billion other people instead. For example, one "friend" of mine stopped texting me one day, and another person I knew said, "I'm so tired. I was texting [insert name here] all night long instead of sleeping!! We also FaceTimed!!" Then I said, "oh, haha. That's cool." They said, "Yeah. We're planning on going to her party tomorrow. Did she tell you when it was?"

So, I think it's probably a combo of both for you -- some people being bad at responding and others not caring to respond.

I know it's hurtful when people purposely ignore you, but you don't want to be friends with people who don't care about you anyway. I'd personally rather have NO friends than "friends" who take advantage of me or ignore me.

As for those who unintentionally ignore you -- I'd say don't put too much effort into maintaining the relationship, whether it's a romantic one or a friendship. Relationships in general are give and take. If you're constantly giving, you may find yourself frustrated to no end, or at the very least, burnt out.

In my case, I can't always tell if it's my bipolar interfering or my terrible social skills. If I'm honest, though, I'd say it's likely a bit of both. But sometimes it's not even my fault (as far as I can tell). Some people just find reasons to dislike someone. For example, "ohhhh, Johnny ate McDonald's the other day? He's clearly an animal abuser and animal killer!!! I bet he beats his dogs!!!" I mean, that is total B.S. because eating McDonald's does not imply animal abuse, but some people are like that.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with the above, there are some people who find the most ridiculous reasons to dislike someone. I have certainly had ''family'' members who have completely blown me off, I think in their case it was more their disease than mine... but mine may have also factored into it. But I was not the cause of their Lack of Care or Compassion. I hope you find some more compassionate people too, as you've found there are many who care and don't blow someone off for some bs reason or utter selfishness (and often a manipulative agenda too ) here on pc.

I've been disappointed by ignored emails and texts a few times. But for a couple people it was just that they were not comfortable with technology. My sister used to be very bad about this but i guess she has joined the digital age and she's great now. Also, i find people really have to go out of their way to sound warm and friendly in print. If someone is not clear that they mean things positively it comes across as negative.

I don't have a lot of experience communicating online tho. These are just a few things i noticed in the little bit i do.

[downandlonely]

I will occasionally have an email that no one responds to, but not that often. Most of my emails are for work, so people need to respond to do their job.

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks never e-mails anyone. So he never anticipates receiving any replies.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The Skeezyks never e-mails anyone. So he never anticipates receiving any replies.

I don’t often email many these days either

[*Beth*]

I much preferred the email format over Facebook or texting. At this point I don't have any friends or family who use email at all. It's either Facebook or a text. I seldom text and I'm not on Fb much, so...oh, well. I'd rather spend my time here with people who understand, anyway.

[~Christina]

Honestly I think the last email I sent has been over 6/7 years ago , maybe longer.

I truly only check my email maybe a few times a year and I do it to mass delete everything.

If friends or family need me ...by all means text or we talk through Facebook messenger.

I have zero cell service at home, but in general I just don’t enjoy talking on the phone anymore.

I hated the idea of Texting.. but that was what the kids would respond to , so my husband and I started.

I have to make enough calls for medical insurance and scheduling appts etc.... I truly wish I could do almost everything online and not have to be left on hold and pray the entire time that who every answers speaks English. I have a horrible time understanding accents.

[Fuzzybear]

Sometimes I don’t respond to an email if there is really nothing I have to add and I don’t have time and/or energy or I don’t want to get drawn into something I strongly disagree with ethically, morally etc and/or find potentially or actually “toxic”.. (or triggering etc..) Or sometimes I just forget, more often the latter probably. I think that people without MI don’t respond for reasons I am not sure of.. I also agree with someone who said that it’s much easier to misread a reply in text .. for example if someone just said “ok” that might come across as “negative” or not interested...further info would be needed Sometimes I am busy or forget and then “too long” has passed before I reply. Sometimes I write out an email (like I write a post on here) and delete the whole thing before I press send, so I wanted to reply to the person but didn’t...

[luvyrself]

I like the forum approach because if one person doesn’t answer, someone else does, and it will be someone who has thoughts on that subject. I do have some problems being assertive enough to have a deeper thing when someone is a devoted Facebooker. I have found I really have to put myself out there to make that happen, like finding the best place to have coffee, FaceTiming Afghanistan, writing stories for my grandkids, just being creative about finding out what pleases both parties involved.

[Moose72]

I have had a email penpal since about 2004. That's the most emailing I do.

[xRavenx]

I don't use email a lot for friends, but I have noticed texts that go unanswered here and there. Sometimes it makes me second-guess myself, like did I do something wrong to make them not wanting to talk to me? Usually it turns out not to be the case, but it bothers me sometimes, especially since I've been rejected by people in the past. Sometimes this makes me not reach out to people as much. I try to avoid jumping to conclusions though, otherwise I drive myself crazy.

[Underdevelopment]

Just a thought, especially with texts, is its real easy to 'dismiss' the notification your phone gives you with full intent of replying. Then you forget. I know I've looked at texts and realized I've forgotten to respond to someone.

I have one person I email regularly. Sometimes it is answered in seconds, sometimes the next day. Its so easy to turn myself inside out second-guessing what I've written, trying to make allowances for what might be going on in their life. Ultimately I mostly and often feel rejected. I've learnt if I feel that way to write a reply email, but, I have to wait X amount of time before sending it. In my case, I've chosen 24hrs.

Youre right. Usually something has happened in their world and its nothing to do with rejecting me. And, after 24hrs, the pain isn't as strong so I feel a little more confident and less of a need to hear and be reassured.

Very very hard when you're alone and struggling.

There are so many here who want to help fill out rather distract you from feeling the pain of that void.

Youre lovable. Know that to be true.

Xx