I didn't do anything

Victoria'smom · Dec 13, 2019, 06:01 PM

But for weeks I've felt like the cops are going to show up and arrest me. So I have nervous energy and a doomed feeling. I've been crying on and off today it's so bad. Is this paranoia or anxiety? I'm not even participating on PC because I don't want to accidentally admit anything or others to know where I am. I'll probably erase this later. I am reading and thinking of you guys. I see pdoc Monday.

downandlonely · Dec 13, 2019, 06:02 PM

It sounds like paranoia to me. I am glad you're seeing the pdoc on Monday.

Blue_Bird · Dec 13, 2019, 06:09 PM

I've had similar beliefs in the past, it was part of my paranoia. I'm sorry you're going through that, I know it's really scary

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2019, 06:27 PM

Well, paranoia is a severe form of anxiety. The experience you're having sounds like paranoia...but definitely an extreme anxiety.

I feel so bad for you. I've been having paranoia issues this week, too. Thankfully my pdoc just raised my Zyprexa dose.

Please do consider that everyone here is supportive of you. I know you don't know me well, but I promise 100% that I'm here as a friend. I think posting on PC can help with anxiety (and paranoia).

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 13, 2019, 07:10 PM

Keep reminding yourself exactly what you titled this post: you didn't do anything. And do whatever you have to do to tell your pdoc how you are feeling. I know that will be really hard but that is your ticket to feeling better. . Post here if you can/need to or go to the ER if it gets too scary to handle. Are you sleeping? Can you take an ambien and get a break from the intrusive thoughts?

~Christina · Dec 13, 2019, 08:15 PM

Are you able to sleep ??? Can you take your prn ?

Victoria'smom · Dec 13, 2019, 08:34 PM

I'm sleeping alright 6 hrs but I'm taking an ambien tonight.

Victoria'smom · Dec 13, 2019, 10:24 PM

I 'know ' you guys are friends but it's hard. I haven't figured out how to explain myself. My H doesn't even know how bad it is. He knows how worried I am but doesn't know I've been crying.

FluffyDinosaur · Dec 14, 2019, 02:29 AM

I've had this as well during dysphoric episodes. I think it's paranoia, and I know how much it sucks. I hope you manage to hold out until Monday and that your pdoc is able to help you somehow.

Dec 14, 2019, 04:24 AM

I'm worried it might be akathisia. I'm sorry you're struggling! Big hugs!

Victoria'smom · Dec 14, 2019, 01:49 PM

I'm worried it might be akathisia too but we'll see.

Dec 14, 2019, 04:09 PM

Sorry you're struggling so much, MM.

I have felt this way before when paranoid and it is definitely uncomfortable. I honestly don't know much about akathisia, but I hope that you do not have it. I just hope that whatever you're dealing with passes quickly so that you are no longer struggling and crying. You deserve better.

Good luck with your appt and let us know how it goes. Hang in there!

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 14, 2019, 09:12 PM

How are you doing today? Did you get some sleep?

Victoria'smom · Dec 14, 2019, 09:47 PM

I'm done. I took ambien last night. Then this morning I took melitonin. I slept til 1 and still feel the same. crying less but feel the same.

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 14, 2019, 10:20 PM

Are you ready with what you are going to tell your pdoc? Maybe go with stuff in writing since it sounds like your thoughts are getting away from you. 2 more days....

Victoria'smom · Dec 14, 2019, 11:33 PM

I don't even know what to write. I'm overwhelmed and scared with tons of nervous energy and a doomed feeling. My words are gone. I'm not really talking, and I'm not writing.

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2019, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I don't even know what to write. I'm overwhelmed and scared with tons of nervous energy and a doomed feeling. My words are gone. I'm not really talking, and I'm not writing.

^^^^^^^^ Copy your post right here and take it with you. It perfectly describes how you're feeling.

BeyondtheRainbow · Dec 14, 2019, 11:54 PM

Sometimes when I feel like that the best thing I can do is sit down with a pen and paper and just write. In the hospital I've sat for hours making bulleted lists of whatever was happening. "I went to the bathroom" (ok, probably not that

). "Just had a check." "cried this evening"

Eventually those jotted notes became sentences that I could use to help me communicate as I was having trouble expressing myself. But they truly began as little more than just random words on a page.

Victoria'smom · Dec 16, 2019, 08:43 PM

I told her how I wouldn't allow the Christmas lights on because it can cause a fire. She put me on a baby dose of lexepro 2.5 mg. I forgot to tell her it's so bad I cry but I was almost in tears there. Who knew I'm more scared of jail then the hospital. I didn't tell her about the police. Why I was worried. I kinda got stuck on the feelings of the anxiety. I'm suppose to call if I go manic or I don't feel better in like a month. I'm now trying to prepare for my T on Thursday. Hopefully this works!

yellow_fleurs · Dec 16, 2019, 08:53 PM

I hope it helps you! This reminds me of how I feel when my anxiety/OCD is really bad. The doom feeling is awful. It's hard to do, but I am working on mindfulness and bringing myself back into the moment. Ruminating can turn into a rabbit hole. Sometimes it helps me to think of my brain like an overly anxious best friend who means well and keeps pointing out everything as a way to protect me. I have to kind of go "thanks for your concern, but I know I didn't do anything to get arrested and so I am going to go about my day and ignore your chatter" kind of thing. We can't trust everything we think.

Tucson · Dec 16, 2019, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Well, paranoia is a severe form of anxiety. The experience you're having sounds like paranoia...but definitely an extreme anxiety.

I feel so bad for you. I've been having paranoia issues this week, too. Thankfully my pdoc just raised my Zyprexa dose.

Please do consider that everyone here is supportive of you. I know you don't know me well, but I promise 100% that I'm here as a friend. I think posting on PC can help with anxiety (and paranoia).

This is a very astute observation. Thank you.